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Atlanta Marketing Execs Would Totally Butcher The New MLS Team Name

Arthur Blank is blowing hot air

The Atlanta Business Chronicle canvassed some business luminaries, in search of a name for the city’s new MLS club. The choices were…interesting. We picked out a selection to ridicule.

Atlanta Blue Sox: Because we’re starting a baseball team in 1875 and you could actually make the team wear blue socks.

Atlanta Campeones: Because nothing appeals to the Latino community like blatantly targeting the Latino community.

Atlanta Fire: Steal another team’s name. Brilliant.

Atlanta Honeybees: Because that won’t be similar to the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at all.

Atlanta Internationals: It won’t offend anyone. Though, to fit in with MLS naming norms, it should really be Internazionale Atlanta. That may offend the ‘Merican crowd with its cosmopolitan pretensions.

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Atlanta Kicks: Because we are naming a 10-year-old travel soccer team in 1987.

Atlanta Kings: This was proposed by multiple individuals. Because, really, you want to pay tribute to one of the greatest Americans in the most trivial way conceivable.

Atlanta Knights: Because “King Arthur.” Could save money on a mascot by just having Arthur Blank patrol the touchline with a crown and scepter.

Atlanta Metros: Embodying the Suburban sprawl would really bind the community together.

Atlanta Phoenix: Atlanta rose from the ashes of the Civil War. Still rising 150 years later.

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Atlanta Redstarts: No one knows what the hell that is. People will be intrigued.

Atlanta Tigers: As there clearly are not enough teams named “Tigers” south of the Mason-Dixon.

Atlanta Whales: Because when you think “Atlanta.” You think “Georgia’s state marine animal.”

Premier Atlanta: Because the “Premier League” is popular these days.

A few we liked…

Atlanta Aliens: Because it would be immediately shortened to ATLiens.

Atlanta Grits: Food related? Count me in.

Atlanta Fireballs: So ridiculous it’s charming. Potential incorporation of Mario fireball noises and graphics.

On a serious note. Go with “Atlanta FC.” Use red as the base color to match the Braves, Falcons and Hawks. This isn’t hard.

[Photo via USA Today Sports]

 

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