Cristiano Ronaldo: Watch All 16 Champions League Goals From This Season

Cristiano Ronaldo is the best soccer player on the planet. That’s a very straightforward and obvious statement to make since he took home the Ballon d’Or earlier this year. Now the Portuguese star has guided Real Madrid in the Champions League final thanks in large part to his record 16 goals in the competition this term from. In addition he’s dating Russian supermodal Irina Shayk, starring in Nike commercials, eating caviar three times per day and living life as high on the hog as humanly possible.

Of course Ronaldo makes it hard for neutrals love him — unlike say, Lionel Messi — due to his arrogant, sneering attitude and ~~occasional~~ bitchy tendencies. Perhaps when you’re as good as he is, maybe you’ve earned the right to act like a massive prick or bad facsimile of a 1980s high school movie villain, so be it. While his attitude and persona might be tough to stomach, if you strp that away it’s hard to deny Ronaldo’s greatness on the field as this video featuring all of his 2013-14 Champions League goals (from only 10 games played) would attest(*). He’s now up to 250 goals in 243 games for Real Madrid.

It reminds me, if nothing else, of that line from Wes Mantooth — “I pure straight hate you … but god dammit do I respect you.” When the United States plays Portugal on June 22 in Manaus we can temporarily strike out the second half of the previous quote. Geoff Cameron or whomever Jurgen Klinsmann assigns to play right back is going to have a looooooong 90 minutes that day.

(*) Is there a secret contest among soccer goal compilation uploaders to see who can use the worst, most-annoying techno music in their clips?