Minneapolis Super Bowl: The NFL's Parameters for the Bid = The Snootiest Rider List of All-Time

The table of contents spans seven pages reaching a comically over-the-top, self-indulgent introduction:

After that — and you should really read the whole thing to fully understand the scope of the absurdity — the document calls for all sorts of perks provided at “no cost to the league”, including (but certainly not limited to) police escorts for team owners, extensive advertising in newspapers and on radio stations, billboards, presidential suites in elite hotels, access to three high-end golf courses and two bowling alleys, and 35,000 parking spaces.

“We haven’t seen the bid, so we don’t know what was agreed to,” a spokesman for Minneapolis mayor Betsy Hodges told the Star-Tribune, adequately summing up both the farcical process and all of our hapless addiction to football. We’re powerless to stop it.