Pigskin Pigsplosion Week 3 NFL Preview: Peyton Manning Gets a Super Bowl Rematch in the Regular Season

Stephen: We have no clue what happened to Michael Sam. Was he eaten by a Sharknado? Did he cause a Sharknado? No one knows. Hopefully, when the dust settles on all this awful domestic violence stuff people will finally say, “I guess a gay football player isn’t a distraction.” I guess it’s good for Sam that he can go and work on becoming a regular professional football player without the distraction of the media wondering if he’s a distraction. Also, Mulaney looks really bad.

Last Week
Stephen: 9-7
Ryan: 9-7
Jason: 8-8

Overall
Stephen: 18-13-1
Ryan: 17-14-1
Jason: 15-16-1

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta (-6.5)

Ryan: This has a solid chance to be the night that everybody remembers that these Thursday games are usually dog crap. With as much injuries that take place when these players get a full week to recuperate, it’s crazy that we throw them out there on three days’ rest and expect them to be entertaining and healthy. (And, yes, it took me just two weeks into the season to complain about a crappy football game that hasn’t even been crappy yet.) Falcons.

Stephen: It’s football. On a Thursday. Stop complaining. FALCONS

Jason: My guess is that the Thursday games are no different than the other games in terms of quality, and that it is mostly perception because it’s a standalone game. In comparing the Monday night games to the Thursday night games the last two years, they have the same number of close games (16 each) and blowouts of 20+ or more (8 each). Both games have been non-competitive late so far, but this one should change that, even if Josh McCown doesn’t excite you.

That said, early season Thursday night games suck, says He-Who-Has-A-Bajillion-Sports-Practices. Bucs.

San Diego @ Buffalo (-2)

Jason: This one is an intriguing matchup for several reasons. I mean, besides that it is Buffalo and San Diego. We saw the Chargers methodically control the game against the Seahawks last week using a controlled passing game. The Bills, meanwhile, are a very interesting case. They are next to last in both first downs gained and first downs allowed. The only team behind them in each is Jacksonville, who have been beaten soundly. Chargers. 

Stephen: West Coast team at 1pm on the East Coast. BILLS

Jason: I’m adding an #analysis tag to that one.

Ryan: Classic zag when you expect San Diego to zig. Bills.

Dallas (-1) @ St. Louis

Ryan: To steal Stephen’s ostrongservation from last week, you want to roll with Romo when the Cowstrongoys aren’t on national TV. For some reason, strongad things happen to them when people are paying attention, and vice versa. Dallas.

Stephen: If you’re stealing the thing I say then what am I supposed to say? This is the team Michael Sam signed with right? I honestly don’t remember. I guess that isn’t as important as the fact that the Rams stink. The Rams always stink. Call it the Curse of Kurt Warner. Curse Warner if you will. COWBOYS

Jason: Are we all on the Cowboys? I believe that deserves a GIF. Cowboys.

Washington @ Philadelphia (-7)

Jason: Since 2003, the home team in this series is 9-13 SU, 8-13-1 ATS. It’s a series between two rivals who are in close proximity to each other that traditional has not had much home field advantage. Will that matter much this time around? Kirk Cousins will be starting, while Philadelphia will try to start strong. They are 2-0 but have been trailing in the second half in both. Washington.

Stephen: If there’s anything I love, it’s bringing up results from a decade ago when none of the people involved in this game were on these teams. This game should come down to Donovan McNabb. Not sure which team he suits up for, but either way, he would have an impact. EAGLES

Ryan: DeSean Jackson used to play for the Eagles, but now plays for Washington, right? It will be interesting if the announcers tell us about that, or whether these two teams like each other. Eagles.

Houston (-2.5) @ NY Giants

Ryan: I’m sure there’s some fancy, newfangled stat that Lisk can cite, but is JJ Watt the most valuable non-quarterback of the last decade? It sure feels like he is. Texans.

Jason: Well, I don’t know about new-fangled statistics, but the fact that J.J. Watt has carried the name “Turn Down for Watt” to one of the most popular fantasy names, as a defensive player, is just the kind of information you are looking for to establish your point. It’s the most dominant fantasy name performance by a defensive player since “Here Comes the Paup-Stepper” in 1995. Giants.

Stephen: J.J. Watt seems like a nice man. Maybe he’ll tell his teammates to just bat down Eli Manning’s passes instead of catching them. Texans

Minnesota @ New Orleans (-9.5)

Jason: New Orleans has started 0-2 despite being favored in both games, by a combined 9.5 points, and now are favored by that same amount in their home opener. Part of me thinks that the Saints spank the Vikings here, but it probably comes down to whether the Vikings have the discipline necessary to maintain their composure in the loud Superdome and avoid a beating. Saints.

Stephen: Too soon. SAINTS

Ryan: Time for my semi-regular why-New-Orleans-is-better-than-Vegas rant: Better food, nicer people, less expensive, good live music is more fun than overpriced magic shows, you can still drink 24 hours a day in bars and on the streets, you can gamble downtown if you want but the tables aren’t constantly staring you in the face, and everything in Vegas is a scam designed to separate you from your money. The only thing Vegas has over New Orleans is sportsbooks, but I’d rather go to Nola 178 times out of 10. Saints.

Tennessee @ Cincinnati (-7)

Stephen: The Titans have a record coming off a loss, but I am not going to look it up. Meanwhile, the Bengals are putting Andy Dalton in a position to be the next mediocre quarterback to have postseason success and then become maligned when his team regresses to the mean later in his career. BENGALS

Jason: To be fair, Dalton has been put in that position the last two years only to piss down his leg. Bengals.

Ryan: We’re agreeing on everything too much so far. WE NEED COMPETITION. Titans.

Baltimore (-1) @ Cleveland

Stephen: As a nation, we need to root against the Ravens. Always. This is something that we should have been doing way before Ray Rice, but I don’t think people were ready. Go BROWNS.

Jason: I think the winner of this game is the one that first realizes how huge momentum is, and tries to get it. I’m just taking a stab at who that will be, and hopefully that pick won’t be obstructed by reality. (Too soon, Stephen?) Browns.

Ryan: Momentum is huge. People forget that. Ravens.

Green Bay @ Detroit (-1)

Ryan: With all the bad stuff everyone was talking about this week, no one really got around to discussing the Packers’ 18-point comeback against the Jets. (Well, other than the LOLJets aspect of it wherein a touchdown was negated by a frantic timeout call that never should’ve been granted.)

In the aftermath, I sought the answer to a burning question:

He didn’t answer ? – Lions.

Jason: That’s because the answer is that Aaron Rodgers is not clutch. Clutch QB’s don’t waste their comebacks in the third quarter like that. Lions.

Stephen: I also asked a question this week.

No one answered. PACKERS

Indianapolis (-7) @ Jacksonville

Stephen:

COLTS

Jason: I am forever ruined by thinking Andrew Luck is one of the lost Klopek brothers, and this will certainly not change that. Colts.

Ryan: If there’s a Jaguars PR guy reading this, I’d like to watch a game from the pool cabanas and write about it. Anyone know a guy who knows a guy? Colts.

Oakland @ New England (-14.5)

Ryan: Rodney Harrison was a guest on WEEI earlier this week. Around the six-minute mark, he had a mini-meltdown and refused to talk about all the bad stuff that we’re refusing to talk about in this post. (H/T Dad.)

http://media.weei.com/audio-embed/96807696/embed.htm?width=500&height=350

Oakland; not out of any confidence in them — even Charles Woodson says they suck, and you never hear someone say that about the team he’s on, at least not this early in the season — but that’s so many points to be laying.

Stephen: I have never once tipped my hat to my father. Certainly never on the internet. There is a computer in my father’s living room, but to my knowledge, he has never used it. PATRIOTS

Jason: So, I’m going to bring it up–Tom Brady is near the bottom of the league, in yards per attempt after two weeks, and had one completion over 13 yards (including YAC) last week. It didn’t matter, because he avoided “being Matt Cassel”. New England is, on the other hand, #1 in the league in yards per attempt allowed, so the Darrelle Revis addition seems to be paying dividends. Raiders.

San Francisco (-2.5) @ Arizona

Stephen: Now seems like as good a time as any to complain about the disparity between the number of early and late games on Sunday. Why is the NFL so successful despite the fact that they clearly do not care about their fans? They’ve even taken away the ability for me to compare fans’ love of football to an abusive relationship because you can’t joke about that anymore. 49ERS

Ryan: Yeah, this three games in the late afternoon is a travesty of justice. I wish I had it in me to boycott and spend the late afternoon outside, but we all know that would be an idle threat. 49ers.

Jason: I believe we have some Cardinals fans who read this site, teaching me that they exist, and to express my appreciation, I’m picking the Cardinals. Now, please take this opportunity to implore your team give Andre Ellington the ball. Cardinals.

Denver @ Seattle (-4.5)

Ryan: This is a rematch of last season’s Super Bowl, multiple sources tell The Big Lead.

In case you missed it, Richard Sherman made a non-sensical commercial for a skateboarding #brand this week:

The recurring flurry of headlines about whether Sherman did or didn’t refuse to speak to the media after losing to San Diego was the dumbest. It’s unclear why it’s even mandatory for coaches and players to talk. There are soundbites (and the occasional meltdown!) that come out of these postgame press conferences/availability, sure, but there’s never, ever anything edifying. That we continue to go through the motions of demanding quotes from them feels like a relic of the newspaper era. Seattle.

Stephen: Week 3 Peyton has a great game right? I shouldn’t really consider benching him in fantasy for Ryan Fitzpatrick, right? I hate fantasy football. SEAHAWKS

Jason: Peyton outscored Fitzpatrick in fantasy points (barely) the last week that the Broncos played the Seahawks, so I would stick with him. Broncos.

Kansas City @ Miami (-4.5)

Stephen: Well, jeez. If Steve DeBerg couldn’t do it, what chance does Alex Smith have? The (hopefully) good news for the Chiefs is that De’Anthony Thomas might finally play this week. DOLPHINS

Ryan: I participated in a charity softball game last weekend. In 16-inch, you play without gloves and the strikezone is when you hit the plate with the arc’ed pitch. There was a rule that if you walked a guy and there was a girl on-deck, the guy got two bases — even when the bases were loaded. I was stuck pitching, and the guys with girls behind them kept taking pitches to strategically get the two-base walk. I was so steamed about that. (Yeah, I know, I should’ve been better at throwing strikes.) Dolphins.

Pittsburgh @ Carolina (-3)

Stephen: You realize the Pirates are very close to making the playoffs for the second straight season, right? Nobody cares about football in Pittsburgh. It will be damn near impossible for the Steelers to get up for this prime time game after they live and die with every pitch of the Pirates – Brewers game on Sunday afternoon. Plus, the Panthers are still good. PANTHERS

Jason: I thought the Pirates got contracted years ago, TBQH. /slips on Royals hat. Panthers. 

Ryan: You just KNOW that Cris Collinsworth is going to go on a cringeworthy rant about Jerry Richardson doing the classy thing by jettisoning Greg Hardy, after he played Week 1. Can’t wait. Panthers.

Chicago @ NY Jets (-1.5)

Stephen: What’s the real Monday Night Football game? Seahawks – Broncos? Eagles – Redskins? Packers – Lions? Seriously. What’s the real Monday night game?

Ryan: It’s really Bears – Jets.

Stephen: Wow. I guess I’ll finally be able to catch up on Utopia. BEARS

 Jason: Ah crap, my kids are out of school Monday, too, so I’m really going to be in the mood to watch the Jets at the end of that day. Thanks a lot, Obama. Bears.