Baylor, Ohio State, and TCU Talking Points in an Imaginary Conversation for the Final Playoff Spot
By Jason Lisk
In a short time, we will hear from the committee about the choice for the four playoff teams. Oregon and Alabama should have earned their spots with wins in championship games, and Florida State won again to remain undefeated.
That leaves one spot for three teams. Any of Baylor, Ohio State, or TCU would be a reasonable choice. Here is an imaginary conversation between Baylor’s PR Firm, Ohio State, and TCU over who should get awarded that final spot.
Baylor’s PR Firm: So how should we start? How about this? Let’s Settle It On The Field ™ (holds up 61-58 sign).
TCU: That was on the road, and once you take into account home field advantage it was like a tie.
Baylor’s PR Firm: [Googles distance from Fort Worth to Waco, charges another $1,000] It’s like 70 miles. You didn’t even have to stop for a bathroom break.
Ohio State: If your conference can’t get along, there’s an easy solution. Take us. Oh, and did you happen to see the Big 10 Championship Game? Yes, our conference has one of those to determine One True Champion.
TCU: Yeah, you won by 50. So did we, and we were already ranked third. Oh, and we beat a team that managed to beat Iowa on the road and Toledo, two teams that qualify as good from your oh-so-powerful conference.
Ohio State: Toledo isn’t in the Big Ten.
Baylor’s PR Firm: [Googles Toledo]. You’re right, they were in a conference that beat three Big Ten teams on the road.
Ohio State: Well, we are a big traditional program with lots of alumni and it would be dumb for the committee to decide for football reasons that we weren’t one of the best four teams after the way we’ve been playing.
TCU: We have a big traditional program in our state, and the Tea Sippers get all butt hurt if either Baylor or us do well, so this playoff will not be hurting for plenty of eyeballs, and hate is a more powerful emotion than love.
Baylor’s PR Firm: [Googles the term “Tea Sipper”] Let’s talk best wins. We beat TCU.
TCU: On the road, by three points. We won by more against 7 of our 9 common opponents. Oh, and 1 for 1 against common opponents with Ohio State. Yeah, we didn’t think Minnesota was a quality win at the time, but because they play in the Big Ten, they turned out to be slightly better than Iowa and almost played in that championship game (did we mention they lost to Iowa State?)
Ohio State: We also won at Michigan State. And what is a Horned Frog?
TCU: What is a Buckeye?
Baylor’s PR Firm: If we go by mascots, our market research says America’s choice is the Bears. Speaking of which, this is America, right? The team that wins on the field always gets in.
Ohio State and TCU: You might want to actually Google that one.
TCU: Well, we can agree that we should definitely be looking at the quality of our losses as well. We lost by 3 to a team that should be in consideration for the Top 8. You guys?
Baylor PR Firm: Dana Holgorsen spiked the coolers with a mix of Red Bull and fish tranquilizers, and West Virginia doesn’t count as America.
Ohio State: Our young quarterback with no experience was just getting used to the offense, and we weren’t the team that we are now.
TCU: Agreed that we should discount anything thing that happens when a new young QB takes the field, especially if the opponent has not discovered the magic of the forward pass. Yes, I’m talking about Virginia Tech and in no way referencing the Wisconsin game. Did I mention we were third coming into this week, also ahead of Florida State?
Ohio State: Agreed that we should kick Florida State out. What have they done?
[POST SHUT DOWN BEFORE FSU ENTERS THE ROOM]