EPL Monday: January Shopping Lists, Austin Powers, Head Staples, Gravy & More!

Liverpool and Arsenal played out to a 2-2 draw Sunday morning — a game that felt like a culmination (or maybe continuation) of the previous 16 games by each club. From set-piece marking to lack of defensive midfield cover to nine minutes of stoppage time to everything in between, it was almost as if the game at Anfield played out exactly to the script.

As a result both clubs hit the massively crowded holiday fixture schedule well off the pace. Arsenal remain four points behind West Ham for fourth place, while Liverpool are nine back of Sam Allardyce’s club. As of this writing Manchester City — winners vs. Crystal Palace on Saturday — are level on 39 points with Chelsea, pending the Blues match with Stoke City Monday. (Chelsea play Monday, Friday, Sunday and next Thursday — fun!)

With Christmas a few days away I thought it would be fun to look at the January shopping list for a couple clubs.

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Chelsea: Jose Mourinho’s team doesn’t exactly need anything, but when has need every stopped Chelsea? The Blues first team is set, barring injury with the most-ever presents in the league, hence the club is comfortable to have 25 players on-loan spread across Europe. Chances are Chelsea make a small add in January for depth, although most of Mourinho’s old trusted hands — Maniche, Paulo Ferreira, etc. — have long since retired and it’s not as if Real Madrid, his last point of employment, is going to give Chelsea Sami Khedira for pennies on the dollar.

The one thing to watch is if Chelsea blocks or hijacks one of their rivals in a transfer, i.e. Marco Reus. That’s more likely to happen in the summer and, of course, Roman Abramovich might not want to throw money around for luxuries now that the Russian economy is tanking.

Manchester City: Credit Manuel Pellegrini’s inventiveness, starting James Milner as a false nine vs. Crystal Palace, however that’s not going to work long-term — some (beautiful) dreams are just not meant to be. City need a short-term forward to cover the gap until Kun Aguero is back sometime in 2015. Ideally Edin Dzeko or Stevan Jovetic could do that, but they’re not 100 percent either. Someone like Miroslav Klose, out of the picture at Lazio, fits the bill.

Manchester United: United need more help in the middle of the field. Louis van Gaal is a fan of Roma’s Kevin Strootman. Roma is out of the Champions League — although second in Serie A — and stacked with central midfielders. Both van Gaal and Strootman are Dutch, hence the Strootman-to-United rumors have been around for months. Add it all up and … this deal will be talked about every day in January and likely completed at the last minute on the 31st.

"“There is a huge difference between the perception that people have of me and [the reality]: I’m not scared to spend money,” said Wenger. “If you go out with me one night, you will understand that.”"

A night on the town with Arsene Wenger? Does it get any better than that? Does he sneak in quick smoke breaks? Does he bash Sir Alex Ferguson after a couple drinks? Does he dance? Which type of coat does he wear at night? So. Many. Questions.

Expect the same names to be linked with Arsenal for the next couple weeks: Khedira, Morgan Schneiderlin, Lars Bender, etc. Schneiderlin is the best bet since he is familiar with the Premier League and isn’t cup-tied for the Champions League. Of course the Southampton player is currently dealing with injuries and Arsenal making transfers for players with suspect health is always fraught with peril. A repeat of the Kim Källström debacle is best avoided.

At the very minimum, Gunners fans will be happy for a situation where neither Mathieu Debuchy or Nacho Monreal are forced into playing center back.

Liverpool: Based on a small sample size, Brad Jones is worse than Simon Mignolet in goal … and the Belgian wasn’t that great to begin with this season. Former Barcelona No. 1 Victor Valdes is a free agent, so there should be a daily update about him being linked to Anfield. Liverpool’s name will also be attached to Iker Casillas, Petr Cech and every other keeper out there not named Manuel Neuer.

Finding a keeper in January and immediately expecting him to be great is a tall order for Liverpool. Whether Brendan Rodgers uses three or four at the back, the Liverpool defense is a mess. Martin Skrtel might look the part of a center back, but his marking his poor. Kolo Toure is a veteran and a proven “leader” but doesn’t always play, nor does Mamadou Sahko. The less said of Dejan Lovren, the better. Adding a new keeper further muddles the equation since communication between the back line and goalie is, you know, somewhat important. If Liverpool do target a keeper, communication might be less-pressing than someone who can stop shots better than Jones — at one point Arsenal was 2-for-2 on shots scoring vs the Australian on Sunday — or can come out and catch crosses better than Mignolet.

Given all the uncertainty, Liverpool — short term — would either be wise to go back to Mignolet or find a keeper familiar with the EPL to plug a gap until the summer.

As for everybody else? I’d guess most managers would be happy to get through the holiday fixture period with as few players injured as possible.

Oh Behave:

If you had QPR’s Charlie Austin pegged as the EPL’s third-leading scorer (and top Englishman) through 17 games, you deserve a Barry Horowitz-styled pat on the back. Austin — who goes by Chaz on Twitter — tallied a hat trick Saturday vs. West Brom and is up to 11 goals on the year, as QPR moved out of the relegation zone. Naturally since he’s playing well (and English) he is an attractive player for other clubs to target with the January window looming. Hoops boss Harry Redknapp told the BBC, succinctly, “If we sold Charlie Austin we might as well go home.”

That’s not quite hyperbole from ‘Arry, either. Via Opta, Austin is responsible for 65 percent of QPR’s goals or assists this season — the highest percentage in the EPL.

And herein lies the conundrum so many clubs like QPR face. Austin, 25, right now is about at his absolute sporting peak. He took the non-league route and became a profilic scorer in the lower leagues at Swindon Town (31 in 54 games) and Burnley (41 in 82) and is now finding success at the Premier League level. QPR could never get more for Austin than if they sold him now, but they also desperately need his goals to stay up and receive the EPL television reward money, which obviously out-weighs his possible transfer value.

Fortunately the pool of teams that would make a run at Austin is minuscule and contained entirely within England. The only team that might have the means and wherewithal to make a run at Austin is Tottenham and even that seems like a stretch.  Maybe Austin eventually hits his the wall at the EPL level — think Danny Graham at Swansea City — but QPR should ride his current form as long as they can.

In any event, as long as Austin keeps scoring we can keep making bad Austin Powers jokes. They’re relevant and okay again after Mike Myers popped up on SNL this week as Dr. Evil, right? (Right.) Groovy, baby.

Goal of the Week:

Erik Lamela’s first league goal for Tottenham was all nice and fancy.

Dance of the Week:

Olivier Giroud did this dance after scoring against Liverpool. (Come up with your own quip or pithy assessment.)

Gruesome Injury of the Week Posted to Social Media:

Before dancing, Giroud stepped on Martin Skrtel’s head — causing a nearly six-minute delay as medics stopped the bleeding. The Slovakian defender posted this on Instagram after the 2-2 draw. I already made a Massive Headwound Harry joke on Twitter Sunday that received two favorites, so no sense repeating a 20+ year old reference that is not very funny.

Stat of the Week:

A win at St. James Park and avoiding relegation is as close as Sunderland supporters get to winning a “double” in any given year. After Sunday’s late win via Adam Johnson’s goal they’re halfway there. Sounds like Newcastle manager Alan Pardew is going to have a sad Christmas, as he told reporters before the match about how tough it would be to lose the derby at this time of year, “Particularly around Christmas time when it’s goodwill to all men – the gravy’s going to be a bit lumpy if we lose.”

Stat of the Week 2:

Only 10 of those shots were on target.

Odds & Ends:

Falcao scored his first goal for Manchester United to offset a Christian Benteke strike, as Manchester United drew 1-1 at Aston Villa. Long-term United might not exactly need the Colombian striker at his very-high wages, but if he’s finally back to 100 percent following the knee injury that cost him a place at the World Cup he’ll be an asset in the second-half of the season. … Harry Kane scored again for Tottenham. If he can score like he does in the Europa League in the EPL Spurs might end up making another run at the Europa League berth again this season. …

Looking Ahead:

Friday is Boxing Day, so a full slate of post-Christmas games are on the docket. The best game — by the table — is First-place Chelsea vs. fourth place West Ham. The game is at Stamford Bridge, which decreases the chances for an upset exponentially. Manchester United-Newcastle United is the pick of the 10 a.m. kickoffs.

RELATED: EPL Games Garnering More Viewers Than NHL Games on NBCSN, Rights Fees for Next TV Deal Should Only Increase

[Photos via Getty]