Kentucky Derby Preview Featuring the Avengers, Ultron, Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao
Way back in 2012, I wrote a genre-busting post that combined The Avengers, The Preakness and The Wire. Three years later, The Avengers: Age of Ultron is hitting theaters, a bunch of horses are preparing to race in the Kentucky Derby and Floyd Mayweather is going to fight Manny Pacquiao. You know what that means – I’m about to be even genre-bustier.
This year, in addition to commissioning @RexDangerSeeker to create the awesome artwork you see above, I am assigning each horse a character from the Marvel Cinematic Universe and then having each Avenger pick a winner in The Fight of the Century. Or something along those lines. You know how difficult it is to combine all this stuff and get the SEO properly optimized?
Like any good sequel, this is a pure money grab. It’s not going to be as good as the original. And too many people had a hand in this for it to ever come together in any cohesive manner. So without further ado –
IF THE KENTUCKY DERBY HORSES WERE “AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON” CHARACTERS WHO WOULD THEY PICK IN THE FLOYD MAYWEATHER – MANNY PACQUIAO FIGHT: PAGEVIEW OF ULTRON
Iron Man is American Pharoah (#18, 5-2 odds): “I’m rich and smart and the favorite. That’s why I got three stand-alone movies and that’s why I’m going to pick Floyd Mayweather by decision. Any good businessman would do the same.”
Thor is Dortmund (#8, 9-2): “I am from another planet or universe. If you’ve seen my movies, you know that so I won’t dwell any longer, human. I will however pick Manny Pacquiao because he looks more like an alien IMHO.”
Hulk is Carpe Diem (#2, 6-1): “Hulk smash, Mayweather counter-punch.”
Captain America is Materiality (#3, 19-1): “I’m from the past so I like baseball and I love America, but I also don’t agree with hitting ladies so I’m pretty torn about this fight. I shall recuse myself.”
Black Widow is Firing Line (#10, 12-1): “Manny Pacquiao.”
Hawkeye is Frosted (#15, 8-1): “Floyd Mayweather.”
Nick Fury is Upstart (#19, 34-1): “As the person who organized this entire team of superhero horses, I’m going to be too busy filming after-credits scenes to even watch this fight. We have a cinematic universe that won’t stop for anybody. Also, Mayweather.”
SECONDARY HORSEY HEROES
Scarlet Witch is Itsaknockout (#13, 32-1): This is Elizabeth Olsen. These are the characters who are in Age of Ultron. According to IMDB. I’ll just assume they are all picking Mayweather.
War Machine is Ocho Ocho Ocho (#1, 25-1): I mean, this premise was thin with just the Avengers and now I have to work with all these other people who no one is really familiar with?
Quicksilver is International Star (#12, 18-1): Quicksilver was in Days of Future Past, but it’s a different actor? Even when they make a universe, the entire universe doesn’t stick together.
Peggy Carter is Danzig Moon (#5, 25/1): And we’re weaving in television characters? What happened to Robin from How I Met Your Mother? It’s almost like there are way too many horses in this race. Er, movie.
Vision is El Kabeir (#7, 22-1): I have no idea which of those names is a comic book character and which is a horse. Hey! (Hay?) That sounds like a fun Twitter hashtag game.
The Falcon is Keen Ice (#14, 36-1): /shrugs
NON-FACTORS
Ant-Man is Bolo (#9, 54-1): “Researching” the Preakness post in 2012 was the first time I had ever heard of Ant-Man. Now he’s Paul Rudd and getting his own damn movie.
Johannesburg Onlooker #3 is Tencendur (#4, 91/1): They kind of gave up on a lot of these superhero names, huh?
Party Guest (uncredited) is Far Right (#20, 63-1): You know your career is taking off when you’re uncredited in a Marvel movie.
World Hub Tech is War Story (#16, 63-1): I am thrilled with how poorly executed this was. I really just wanted Rex to make Mayweather kiss a horse.
Tub Family Child is Mr. Z (#17, 42-1): Check out this kid’s IMDB.