Plot Twist: Sepp Blatter Says He Plans to Visit the United States in 2016

Sepp Blatter — the International Man of Idiocy — refuted a claim by ESPN earlier this week that he hasn’t set foot in the United States since 2011 due to an FBI investigation. Given the theater or the absurd nature his tenure as leader of FIFA has produced, this seemed totally believable. In fact, we came up with a game from it: Movie Villian, Real-Life Despot or Sepp Blatter.

Blatter denied the allegation and per the AP plans to come to the United States in 2016 for the centenary Copa America.

"“I will be there if elected,” said Blatter, who is widely expected to win the FIFA presidential election on May 29. “Even if not elected, they will invite me I am sure.” Blatter acknowledged a reported FBI investigation into former leaders of the U.S.-based CONCACAF regional body, Jack Warner of Trinidad and Tobago and Chuck Blazer of the United States, both former members of the FIFA executive committee. “I know, and this everybody knows, that in the U.S. there is an investigation against former people (that) have been in my government,” the Swiss official said, “but it is nothing against me.”"

If anything, Blatter did confirm there are corruption charges against former FIFA members. It is rather rich that he uses the phrase “my government.” You run FIFA, not the United Nations, Sepp. That said, the 79-year-old Swiss dinosaur does have a political machine-like grip on all things FIFA, meaning he’ll win re-election later this month without much of a fight.

Anyways consider this the plot twist when the movie villain reappears on the scene when the protagonist least suspects its. Nobody can kill the Blatter.

[Insert evil laughter]