Fast Food Friday: Feels Like An Arby's Night

In this semi-regular feature, The Big Lead staff will sample and review delicacies from fast food establishments, ballparks, or anywhere else that triggers thoughts and feelings.

There hasn’t been a brand new Seinfeld since May 14, 1998 when its 179th (and 180th) episodes — the much-hated two-part court room finale(*)– ran on NBC Must See TV. Like Cheers, The Honeymooners, etc. the adventures Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer live on via syndication immortality. Wednesday TBS ran six episodes throughout the day. Seinfeldian snark, irony and apathy run deep and 24/7/365 on Twitter and other Internet devices.

These pretzel will forever make us thirsty.

Perhaps that’s why, like many 30-somethings, when I think of the fast food chain, Arby’s, the first thing that immediately pops into my mind is David Puddy saying to a thoroughly disgusted Elaine, “It feels like an Arby’s night.” One, simple throwaway line nearly two decades ago probably has cost Arby’s millions in revenues. Or maybe not. Let’s just go with my premise and not try to nitpick. This is a post about fast food, after all.

In truth, it shouldn’t. Lately Arby’s has been running a campaign — voiced by Marcellus Wallace himself, Ving Rhames — touting it as the home of the meat. Or in simpler terms, WE HAVE THE MEATS.

My quick verdict: pretty damned good Arby’s, pret-tay, pret-tay damned good.

The overall review might get an incomplete since the restaurant ran out of it’s “star cut buns” or whatever was supposed to link up with the sandwich. Instead I got a typical sesame roll. This is my own fault. I arrived at Arby’s at the same time as some other dude and we both sort of got in line at the same moment but neither of us knew what to order. Quickly we did the whole, “no you go ahead” thing back and forth for a few seconds before I waved him through. Turns out he got the same sandwich as me and the last bun.

Reminder: random acts of kindness often tend to bite you in the ass.

Realistically that’s my only complaint about the Smokehouse Turkey.

PROS:

* The first bite was fast food nirvana, no lie.

* Five hours later my stomach is still feeling good, no linger ill after effects from the mesquite flavor or the onion rings/strings. These were nothing like the onion rings Burger King drops on some on it sandwiches, either. These appeared to be actual onions, not some sort of gross paste.

* My receipt made me feel, temporarily, better about my otherwise meaningless existence.

* HUGE PRO: Arby’s offered, in lieu of fries, the option for fresh-made potato chips. They had a garlic flavoring. Although they weren’t quite as crisp as kettle chips, they were still pretty amazing. (I forgot to take a picture.) The chips weren’t heavy or greasy, but unfortunately didn’t pair great with the vast array of Arby’s dipping sauce. Chips and a turkey sandwich, what’s not to love? We can leave the discussion of whether or not it’s acceptable to put ketchup or, in this case, Arby’s sauce on potato chips for another day.

* The square cardboard box container looked aesthetically pleasing on the tray. To borrow from Seinfeld again, by way of George Steinbrenner, it was nice to look down at the box and see nothing in there when I was finished.

CONS:

* I wanted to eat another one right after I was done and didn’t quite feel full.

Final Analysis:

Arby’s, sweet Arby’s, why did I let the writers of Seinfeld lead me astray for so long? Next I’m definitely getting two smokehouse sandwiches, a Jamocha shake and not giving a shit what someone else who I will never encounter in real life thinks.

PREVIOUSLY: Fast Food Friday: Does Qdoba’s Bacon Jalapeño Queso Sauce Push it Past Chipotle?
PREVIOUSLY: Fast Food Friday: Popeye’s Bonafide Big Box is Back, But is it Really that Great of a Deal?
PREVIOUSLY: Fast Food Friday: Is that Weird-Looking Taco Bell Chickstar Actually Any Good?
PREVIOUSLY: Fast Food Friday: Are the Wendy’s Ghost Pepper Fries As Spicy As Advertised?

(*) This is relevant. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss even joked about it on the final Letterman earlier this week!