As FIFA Burns, Sepp Blatter Presided Over a Choreographed Ricola Commercial

If you think a couple measly corruption arrests for alleged wire fraud and racketeering are going to stop Sepp Blatter from standing on ceremony, guess again. Nothing stops FIFA from throwing a lavishly choreographed ceremony to promote its own hagiography. Nothing.

You can take your indictments, Loretta Lynch, and stick them in the nearest Alpine Horn, thank you very much.

Yes, as hard as it is to believe from afar, the FIFA Congress began Thursday in Zurich, ahead of a vote on Friday that will all but assuredly elect Blatter for a fifth term in charge of soccer’s worldwide organizing body. The entire, lavish presentation about FIFA’s greatness streamed on YouTube. Someone once wrote about Nero fiddling while Rome burned, and that feels appropriate for this situation.

Then again did ancient Rome have a soccer ball laser light show and flags from across the globe? Didn’t think so.

Blatter continues to say he strives to root out corruption, that he can’t monitor everyone all the time and that the acts of certain individuals have no place in the world’s game — with a straight face. You know, the whole “I know nothing” routine. The hubris displayed by Blatter et al is, if nothing else, impressive. Outwardly, FIFA truly doesn’t appear to give a flying you-know-what about all these charges. Privately, if Jack Warner starts giving up the dirt to save himself, this tune might change, but until then — more dancers!

Is there a term stronger than self-parody? Whatever the hell exactly went down at Theater 11 at FIFA HQ today certainly qualifies. About all that was missing today were some white-haired Executive Committee members clinking brandy snifters together laughing as they toasted to evil.

(The clip won’t play here, but check it out on YouTube. It’s hard to believe it’s real.)