Newcastle staved off relegation. Senegalese midfielder Papiss Cissé went on what his English girlfriend, former Miss Newcastle Rachelle Graham, thought was a vacation. The vacation turned out to be a trip to Paris, where he married volleyball player Diallo Awa. Obviously, the scorned girlfriend took to the tabloids.
Not sure how this is possible in the social media era. But, Premier League footballers will find a way. Solid effort, but not quite as great as Kolo Toure pretending he was a car salesman.