'Game of Thrones' and the NBA's Season(s) may be over, but, Gambling Never Stops.

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Beware: Game of Thrones SPOILERS AHEAD…

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You can now bet on who the ruler of Westeros will be at the end of the Game of Thrones television series. No, like, for real. The odds are via online SportsBook Bovada.lv, and while you can’t expect a payout on this futures wager for probably at least a decade … it’s still fun to talk about and figure out where the “value” is.

As opposed to every GoT recap and speculation post you’ve read on the internet this week, let’s change this one up a little bit.

For your convenience: I have married Game of Thrones characters, Gambling, and the NBA into one post.

Below: you will find each character listed above, their odds, and a detailed explanation as to who I think their current/former NBA player/executive comparison is.

Daenerys Targaryen (5/2), Stephen Curry.

The perennial powerhouse, the world’s most valuable player, and deserving odds-on-favorite. Her supporting cast is an army of ‘Unsullied’ Warriors, a board of veteran advisors who are an all-star team in themselves with a plethora of major war experience, has the true bloodline to “The Iron Throne”, and she has mother f**king dragons. Despite their success: we’ve learned by now that George R.R. Martin will kill anyone or anything off that is “expected”, so, don’t be surprised if/when the Mother of Dragon hurts her ankle again – and doesn’t get to the window for another 40 years.

Jon Snow (3/1), LeBron James. 

Despite a demoralizing defeat that would have been a massacre without him present, we all know the most important character in the world is not dead. He can’t be. He just needs some help resurrecting, and an alliance in his corner that is more than an overachiever and drunk idiot who rides into battle vs. the White Walkers on his hands-free Segway. As Sam once put it: “Don’t worry, Jon always comes back…” George R.R. Martin would have SOME BALLS to write him off, and even then: the actual TV show of ‘Game of Thrones’ would have to agree to follow suit/not branch off into their own storyline. He’s even rumored to be one of the highest paid actors for Season 7, thus, whether he comes back in human form, as a shell of his old self, or: as a dire wolf …I’m willing to bet that we haven’t seen the last of Jon Snow. Now, as for him eventually becoming King of the Andals and the First Men? We’re going to have to learn about who “Jon’s real mother” is pretty darn quick to see if he actually has Targaryen roots. Even then, he’s going to have to raise an army and take the throne. Who the hell outside of the North is going to follow a notorious “bastard” who can’t even win the hearts of the damn Night’s Watch? I can’t justify this (+300) number unless he goes “LeBron: The Decision” and teams up with Dany’s not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six dragons in Meereen’s South Beach. Too much uncertainty for me here to wager.

P.S. How awesome would it be if a big bad ass warg’d dire wolf was just chilling on the Iron Throne?

Aegon VI Targaryen (6/1), Karl Anthony Towns. 

A lot of “Game of Thrones TV-viewers only” don’t know much about Aegon, but, he’s coming. His presence may only be as a myth in the plot, but, there is speculation that Tywin Lannister didn’t actual lay his corpse at the foot of the Iron Throne with his sister during the rebellion … he is indeed alive, and is pretending to be a “sell sword” in an army somewhere to help rally the common folk to his cause when he reveals his true identity. He would then be the “rightful Targaryen heir” to the throne if true (who isn’t at this point, right?) … even above Dany. There’s a reason why no-one knows who he is and he’s the third overall favorite, it’s one of those “Vegas knows something” situations — like when you wake up on Sunday morning during football season and see that the Patriots have moved to 4.5 point underdogs against someone random. Again: too much uncertainty for me to wager.

Tyrion Lannister (15/2), Stephen “Captain” Jackson.

Despised by his teammates, finds himself hammered drunk in a brothel at least once-a-week, career was sentenced-to-death by the most powerful head coach in all of the land, his mouth usually gets him into trouble more times than not … yet, despite his detrimental conduct: Tyrion remains a vital and unappreciated part of any team he has ever played for.

Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish (15/2), Matthew Dellavedova.

He has absolutely no right being on the floor with the likes of the Daenerys Targaryens of the world, but, the dude just keeps grinding and overachieving his face off. At some point though, like Dellavedova, he’s just going to run out of energy and/or supporters and will end in a King’s Landing infirmary somewhere sucking down fluids just trying to make it through the rest of the show without getting killed/ending up on YouTube. He’ll eventually return to battle and fight for what he most desires valiantly, but, we all know it’s only a matter of time until he comes crashing down to earth as the irrelevant little turd he is and has always been.

Margaery Tyrell (14/1), Carmelo Anthony. 

A brand name, aesthetically-pleasing specimen from a rich house – and that’s about it. She may fill up the box score with achievements, but, in the end: her services require so much of the cap(ital) from the ‘Master of Coin’ that, despite her productivity and rabid loyalty from her constituents, she will never be able to showcase her full potential. Also, with Cersei now free and bloodthirsty for revenge: i’m not sure i’d lay (+1400) on Margaery to escape the dungeons of ‘The Faith’, let alone become the damn ruler of the world.

Euron Greyjoy (20/1), Andrew Wiggins.

I got a feeling he is going to play a HUGE role in the “Faceless Men/Many-Faced God” plot in the upcoming seasons, might be in the possession of a dragon egg, and have some LEGIT dark magic allies from the Valyria “Doom” days … but, don’t think we’ll see him parlay his Iron Island bloodline + Faceless Men potential into anything of significance anytime soon.

Varys (20/1), Pat Riley.

The dude has a list of world-changing transactions that stretches around the block. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, or what house you’re from … Varys and his spies have an agenda, have always had an agenda, and if you’re not apart of it – consider yourself as good as dead. He would rather watch the world burn than let the enemies of his secret motifs succeed. Somehow, someway … he always wins.

Stannis Baratheon (25/1), Nick “Swaggy P” Young.

Does not stop shooting, and even when he or one of his family members catches fire – his team always gets their doors blown off regardless.

Sansa Stark (25/1), Derrick Rose.

For the love of God, would something go right for this girl just once? Every time it looks like she may finally be back to her old self and/or get to a place where we don’t have to worry about her getting hurt every time she appears on the TV, someone comes along and cuts her knees right out from under her – and we start the process again. I wouldn’t bet 25/1 if you gave me free money to bet with, but, if we’re talking about 25/1 in re: to her making it through an entire season without getting disheartened – that is something more appropriate to entertain.

Night’s King (25/1), Anthony Davis.

NOW WE’RE COOKING WITH DRAGONGLASS. Everyone knew this unbeatable monster was lurking in Westeros’ smallest market, yet, no-one really did anything about it. Instead of crushing him while he was weak, humans of the world told tales of his unfathomable, world-destroying capabilities and fought amongst each other for power – assuming that as long as he stayed up in the frozen Bayou of Westeros: he wouldn’t be a problem. Now at full strength, this past season showed us that winter isn’t just coming – it’s here. The one remaining issue the Night’s King has before he takes over the world is that his army is a bunch of dead zombie idiots. While he has the powers of dominion, mutation, and is invincible versus just about every single human on Earth: he can’t climb the wall of the Westeros Conference all by himself. He needs help, and not help in the form of an overpaid army who enjoys chucking spears from mid-range distance. You bet your ass I’m betting 25/1 here, because it’s not a matter of if he’ll be sitting on the throne at some point – it’s when.

(Side Note: I want to vent about something that’s been bothering me. I hate people who watch this show as a neutral bystander. For example: People are STARTING TO FEEL BAD FOR CERSEI after her walk of atonement to the point that IT’S LIKE THEY’RE ALMOST HOPING SHE GETS REVENGE/GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO HER. F THAT. Like a game of ‘Spin the Bottle’ in middle school, GoT is NOT a game/program where you are allowed to just sit on the couch and watch people make out. You HAVE to play. What I mean is: pick a team. Whether that’s #TeamDany (Khalessi, Tyrion, Varys, Jorah, Unsullied) or #TeamLannister (Jamie, Cersei, Tommen) or #TeamTyrell, #TeamStark (includes Jon Snow), #TeamDorne, #TeamBolton, #TeamSnow … the same way you have an NFL, NBA, MLB, whatever … you need to pick a side now and stick with them no matter what they do or what happens to them. For me: I am #TeamWhiteWalker. Yeah, I said it. I root for the Spurs of Game of Thrones, sue me. I got my squad, and I hope they harvest your favorite character’s soul and burn the seven kingdoms to the GROUND.)

Cersei Lannister (40/1), Gregg Popovich.

As I allude to above, after you see her humble side – all of a sudden: you realize she’s human, not just an asshole all the time, and when you think about it: she’s pretty damn good at what she is paid to do. I think I speak for everyone when I say: fans of the show don’t hate Cersei Lannister anymore, they love to hate Cersei Lannister.

Trystane Martell (40/1), Amare Stoudemire.

Just a guy with a bunch of money, a last name that people recognize, and no talent.

Bran Stark (50/1), Kevin Durant.

He kinda disappeared for a year, and no-one really noticed because another guy on his team stole the spotlight for the entire season. However: don’t let that discredit what he’s got the potential to do. He’ll be back, and while he doesn’t have feet that work – that doesn’t mean he can’t wreak Armageddon at a moment’s notice. As for the wager, 50/1 sure is tempting … but, because of his worthless lower body — any smart bettor knows we need to see him fly before we commence any sort of investing.

Arya Stark (50/1), J.R. Smith.

Essentially a dog chasing cars: she wouldn’t know what to do if she actually caught one. Everyone’s favorite character because she’s such a loose cannon, so damn irrational, and hell-bent on getting the respect she deserves – subsequently, she does a lot of stupid stuff that makes people question whether her intentions are good or bad for not only her, but, the house which she fights for. Even when she finally does something productive like kill one of her biggest enemies, we learn via her sensei that she broke a major rule of the religion in doing so – and she is punished harshly. Arya Stark gonna Arya Stark. In the end: she’s a trainwreck you see coming from a mile away…  all you want to do is bury your head in your hands, but, you can’t … and oddly find yourself wanting more.

Ramsay Bolton (50/1), Chris Paul.

Simply put: a ferocious/ruthless warrior who, unless he’s on your team, is absolute despised by the masses. In regards to the odds, no, I am not betting Ramsay because last time I checked: You have to compete in the finals of your own lands, at least once, before you can think of advancing on to King’s Landing.

Hodor (500/1), Andre Iguodala.

Just sitting on bench, waiting for his name to be called so that he can warg ride a three-point shooting dragon straight to ‘The Iron Throne.’ ALL-IN ON HODOR, TAKE MY MONEY – ALL OF IT.

Bets:

  • $50, Danereys Targaryen (+250)
  • $25, The Night’s King (+2500)
  • $Mortgage + $401k, Hodor (+50000)

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P.S. Can we talk about how Tommen isn’t even on the list? He’s like the Sacramento Kings of Westeros: comes FLYING out of the gate to a 1st place lead/leader in the clubhouse, yet, everyone knows it’s such a fluke/going to be so short-lived that they don’t even offer odds on him finishing on top (unless we’re talking about Margaery, then he’s probably the favorite…)