The Instant Historian: We're Still Talking About Tom Brady's Balls

ON TOM BRADY’S BALLS

August is nigh. Yet, The Instant Historian must still write about Tom Brady’s  balls. This controversy was stupid at its onset. Six months later, this controversy has proven itself to be elite level stupid.

Ball tampering is a trivial fine and a half-day story, on a slow day. This particular violation involved a botched sting operation, an inaccurate leak, and a protracted “independent” investigation, edited for publication by the NFL’s general counsel Jeff Pash. The final result asserted that Tom Brady probably knew about his balls’ air pressure adjusted below league minimums.

Brady’s suspension was upheld, through a leaked justification about his cell phone being destroyed, which was irrelevant.

Whatever competitive advantage the Patriots garnered in the first half must have been negligible compared to playing against the Colts’ defense. New England, with properly re-inflated balls, played better. They drove for four straight touchdowns to open the second half.

The advantage from a deflated ball is akin to a hockey player using an illegal stick. Significant, but not enough to be stringently enforced.  Believe it or not, the penalty for the latter in the NHL is not missing a quarter of the season. It’s a two-minute minor, when the referee has direct evidence.

As Sally Jenkins pointed out, the only conclusive revelation here has been the NFL’s disciplinary proceedings being an absolute farce. Perhaps that’s the logical result of the commissioner being a flak jacket for the owners, rather than an attorney.

The Patriots may be guilty. One could, with a heaping portion of moralization, term them “cheaters” in a column. Adjudicating that still requires fairness and due process.

By fall, with good fortune, we can move on to more important Tom Brady matters, such as what to wear to look immaculate on a cold, windswept beach.

Stephen A. Smith blurted out that Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone and the NFL would uphold his four-game suspension. Smith was correct, though the result doesn’t account for the method.

Smith did not report. He informed the world he heard, with every possible hedge should the information be wrong. Whatever the technicalities, the public processes the information the same way. The difference is there’s no verification on the reporter’s part and no responsibility.

This is fine for trivial gossip. One could be hearing the Blue Jays have interest in David Price. It’s not fine for reporting actual news. The only difference between Stephen A. and Chris Broussard is his sources happened to be right, sort of. He passed on a slanted version the NFL wanted out there (a pitfall of just repeating whatever a source tells you).

Hearing should be the beginning of reporting, not the end of it, even if Twitter is hastening the game.

ON TWITTER BRANDING

Twitter offers unprecedented access to celebrities. More accurately, Twitter offers celebrities unprecedented access to their audience. Some connect. Some make nuisances of themselves. Some are there for the shits and giggles. Most, especially major music artists, are there for the branding.

When Brand Taylor Swift starts feuding with Brand Nicki Minaj and, suddenly, Brand Katy Perry feels compelled to weigh in, all of it broadcast to their millions of followers with bating breath, be skeptical. Ditto when Brand Drake is beefing with Brand Meek Mill.

Celebrities are managed properties. They use their dating lives as publicity tools. It’s conceivable they deploy the same level of cynicism regarding their Twitter feeds.

Also – and this may unsettle you – every day being #NationalXDay is just a ploy for brand accounts to weasel their way into your timeline. Brands are using unprecedented, real time access to you for profit.

ON SEEING THESE SICK NEW UNIFORMS

Folks click. The Instant Historian understands this. But, it’s past time for a collective discussion on uniform posts. There should be at least a loose threshold for posting them. Does this have a noteworthy feature? Is it an aesthetic blight? Can one discern a difference from last year? Has anyone ever watched this school play football?

Without some threshold, you’re just advertising for Nike, Adidas or Under Armour, and not getting paid for it. The #content is easy, but one can just leave it alone.

[Getty, USAT]