NFL Podium Fashion: Tom Brady Wins Again and Von Miller's Swag

One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.

Sometimes the ensemble works. Sometimes it does not. And sometimes, well, possibly farting can create a quick star turn.

These are their stories.

Unfortunate BYE Weeks

Cam, Joe Philbin (forever), 12-year-old Teddy, Ryan Fitzpatrick

Well that’s a shame. In the mean time, enjoy this fun little collage, especially since the always haunting Joe Philbin will now be staring directly into “Parts Unknown” from the comfort of his own couch. Everyone wins.

Tom Brady

Back from a BYE week, Tom Brady lit up the Cowboys in Dallas and stole your wife simply by standing at a podium in a perfectly tailored suit. Even his tightly-cropped beard is immaculate. The NFL belongs to Sir Thomas. Everyone else is just livin’ in it.

Von Miller

From the incomparable @NFLGameDay comes this tone-setting suit from Von Miller. Michael Irvin called it “Teflon Von,” which is tremendous. I’ll go with “The Purple Pimp.” While the wrinkles are a concern, it merely means Teflon Von wore this on the trip to Oakland to impress the flight staff. Fair enough.

Jay Cutler

Much like last week, Jay Cutler is sporting that “did you see that poetry?” expression; only more formally this time. The confidence emanating from his body language is a perfect match for his finely tailored, Bears-branded suit. That’s what happens when you drop the snap and still calmly throw the game-winning TD. Somehow, Happy Jay Cutler seems to be outdoing Miserable Jay Cutler. But remember, it’s early.

Larry Donnell?

Yeah, we didn’t expect to see you here either. Beautiful catch. Now stop shopping at Old Navy.

Aaron Rodgers

A denim shirt with a white undershirt exposed? Awesome. The state of Wisconsin has officially fallen back in love with your blind sense of fashion, Mr. Rodgers. And frankly, all of those inventive folks who scream “Go Pack Go” would prefer you never go Hollywood again.

Eli Manning

Eli Manning is 34-years-old and wearing a spiffy ensemble that miraculously doesn’t intersect with itself. Yet even with all of that, there’s still nothing unnatural about seeing a Lunchables box floating next to his head. The guy is perpetually gawky and, by all accounts, made it to homeroom on time this morning. Please never change.

Andy Dalton

One thing you can guarantee at an Andy Dalton press conference — or an Andy Dalton anything for that matter — is the Dual People’s Eyebrow. You can also expect the jacket/t-shirt look. Just don’t be surprised if said t-shirt is badly suffering from “bacon neck.”

Russell Wilson

It’s a sharp suit and a smart approach. Though it appears Russ hastily threw this one together. At 2-3, I can hardly blame the guy.

Colin Kaepernick

By growing his hair out, Colin Kaepernick has once and for all cemented the Gonzo comparisons. Congratulations.

Matthew Stafford

Nearly fainted — out of selfish joy, of course — when I saw the Stafford benching tweet pop up in my feed. When you get pulled, often times you lose podium privileges and any desire to get dressed up. The Lions are 0-5 and Stafford is exuding the confidence of the fat kid in dodge ball. Great start.

Stephon Gilmore

Stephon Gilmore really doesn’t have to do a whole lot to make a profound fashion statement. Extra bonus points for the untamed sprinkler erupting inside his shirt.

Joe Flacco

Oh dear. Joe Flacco is a lost puppy again. Send help. Sooooon. Last week’s pleasant awakening was nothing more than an anomaly.

Jimmy Smith

Complete mess. Helpful hint: Look in the mirror next time.

Kirk Cousins

After throwing a walk-off, scrotum-kick pick-6, I would probably show up to the podium wearing a Tupac “middle finger” t-shirt. Or look like Cousins does here. Either or, really.

Blake Bortles

This is the first time we’ve featured Blake Bortles in this space. So what does he do? He shows up disguised as an assistant coach. Inexcusable failure. Four TDs deserved far better.

T.J. Ward

EXCEPTION: This is actually from last week, but it’s too damn good to have been left on the cutting room floor. A leather boat hat, a gold chain, and a Doors shirt? Wow. Keep up the good work, my friend.

Matt Ryan

Let’s just get this out of the way right now — it’s a great shirt. Having said that, Matt Ryan’s attempt here kind of reminds me of Jimmy Clausen’s showing a couple weeks ago. It’s simply not working. Important, brief tutorial: Even when Matty Ice wins, he still loses.

Larry Fitzgerald

Larry Fitzgerald has returned to tying his tie as though it were meant for a doll. He’s so close to greatness it almost hurts to watch. Two steps forward, two steps back.

Lovie Smith

The Bucs broke an 11-game losing streak at home, yet head coach Lovie Smith insisted on blending in with the backdrop. Superb work.

Tyrod Taylor

Love the suit, but Easter brunch is pretty far down the road. Next.

DeMarco Murray

Again, very smooth look. I’m just experiencing a great deal of difficulty in understanding the rush to Easter brunch.

Brian Hoyer

A denim western? Under the circumstances, I probably would’ve added a cowboy hat, so as to shamelessly endear myself to Texans fans after attempting to throw a football while getting split in half. Once again, Brian Hoyer fails to complete the circle.

Sam Bradford

You would think someone carrying themselves so elegantly would cap things off with a tuxedo and a top hat. ‘Twas not to be. Bradford would be wise to take a healthy step away from the Eagles garb.

Drew Brees

Do the Saints film all team press conferences under water? Yes. Yes, they do. Very symbolic, if you ask me.

Matt Hasselbeck

Yes, age is only a mindset. Good for Hasselbeck, an old man I refuse to mock after fighting through severe pain for the win.

Josh McCown

Josh McCown threw for 457 yards, a Browns record. Now it’s time for him to work on his posture despite the unmistakeable “Cowher Chin” impression.

Andrew Luck

No, Andrew Luck did not play Thursday night. Yes, he remains unkempt, unhinged, and generally delightful.

Greg Hardy

Greg Hardy, everyone! The tear on his tank top strap is a fitting touch.

Marcus Mariota

Marcus Mariota looks like a guy on trial for something awful. To be honest, he basically is. Otherwise, a nice choice on the suit. Now get some sleep, dude.

BONUS ROUND

In a word, outstanding. Reminds me of Jim Carrey’s emotional finishing punch as a karate instructor.

Wow. Steve Young’s hair helmet officially gets the nod to play lead guitar next to poofy frontman, Bernie Kosar. Dan Marino’s perm can play the drums.

It’s a shame no one in the NFL strolled up to the podium as raw as Troy Tulowitzki. The “smuggling midgets” look is as timeless as peanut-butter and jelly.

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