NFL Podium Fashion: Landry Jones Loves Plaid and Eric Decker's Swag

NFL Podium Fashion: Landry Jones Loves Plaid and Eric Decker's Swag

NFL

NFL Podium Fashion: Landry Jones Loves Plaid and Eric Decker's Swag

eric-decker-stole-your-groupie

One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.

Sometimes the ensemble works. Sometimes it does notThese are their stories.

Unfortunate BYE Weeks

Tony Romo (for awhile), Derek Carr, Nick Foles, Lovie Smith

Tony Romo Derek Carr Nick Foles Lovie Smith uninspired NFL Fashion

Outside of Tony Romo — who won’t be joining us until Week 11 — I wouldn’t exactly call these absences “unfortunate.” Lovie Smith is a man who clearly prefers not to be seen, so it’s safe to assume he spent his Sunday afternoon wrapped in a sea of orange Bucs blankets. Raiders QB Derek Carr probably spent his day off viciously berating an innocent mirror, while the excitable Nick Foles continued to truck forward with his incredible Napoleon Dynamite impression. Yeeeeeeah, probably best for everyone involved that this inspired crew sat this one out.

Joe Flacco

Joe just wants to get to know you

If someone were to inform me that Joe Flacco quit playing football in favor of scaring the entire world into the fetal position, I would barely flinch.

Tom Brady

Tom Brady and his 42 assistants do great work

This dude’s closet of $12,000 suits is bigger than your house. Additionally — and definitely more importantly — I want the name of Sir Thomas’s personal beard trimmer. And I want it NOW.

Odell Beckham

Odell Beckham is the new Sideshow Bob

The Giants play tonight, so this is actually Odell Beckham after last week’s amazing win over the Niners. Two gold chains with the hair to match. To be honest, I’m pretty jealous.

Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck at the podium

Tim Ryan: “Hi Andrew. Tim Ryan from The Big Lead again. Any thoughts on ever wearing something else other than a blue Colts shirt? Seriously, like, ever?”

Andrew Luck stylin' and profilin'

Andrew Luck: “Show’s over guys.”

Drew Brees

Drew Brees gets sensual

Nothing to criticize here. It’s a nice, casual shirt; fitted well. However, it would be a soothing breath of fresh air to see a little more decorum from the widely respected Drew Brees. Such sleazy tomfoolery has no place in the NFL. INAPPROPRIATE.

Matt Ryan

Matt Ryan obviously read last week’s harsh critique and scurried back to the basics like a frightened turtle. Sadly, this is pretty much Matty’s fashion ceiling. I know, it’s tragic.

Landry Jones?

Landry Jones wins unknown fan contest

Does Landry Jones play for the Pittsburgh Steelers or did Landry Jones win a contest to giddily sit at the podium? And are those buttons actually subway tokens? Your guess is as good as mine. Do better, Landry. Do better. (h/t @jasonhartelius)

EJ Manuel

Unless the original plan was to include a tie with this baffling “magic eye” button-down, most sane humans would strongly suggest not choking oneself with the very top button. Having said that, this is the perfect, overdone approach for the consistently hilarious Bills. Now please fire that shirt into a starved paper shredder.

Aaron Rodgers

Aaron Rodgers NFL fashion

Really? The white  undershirt again? Good lord. You could replace the exposed section of Aaron’s undershirt with a Cool Ranch Dorito and it would be considered an impressive upgrade.

Colin Kaepernick

Colin Kaepernick finds the comfart zone

The Niners beat the Ravens 25-20 — a much needed win — but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Colin Kaepernick abruptly retired from the NFL so he can place those beloved headphones back on his ears and never have to answer a question again. Though I must say, I’m thoroughly enjoying this new “puppy peed on the carpet” expression.

UPDATE: Kaep’s headphones and tie are positioned in a manner that makes it look like some sort of bug. Cartoon mosquito it is!

colinkaepernick cartoon mosquito

Eli Manning

Eli Manning would look great with a set of braces

Eli picked a fantastic jacket and amazingly chose not to ruin it with a patterned tie and a checkered shirt. This is some serious growth, and more than likely enraged his pattern-obsessed brother. Still, nothing will ever change Eli’s endearing gawkiness.

Andy Dalton

Andy Dalton yearns for a positive review

Avid TBL reader Andy Dalton has taken the cue and ditched his embarrassing bacon-necked undershirt in favor or something a tad more spiffy. Baby steps. Not to be outdone is the consistency of Dalton’s Dual People’s Eyebrow as well as the inspiring gentleman at right, who looks like he would rather be swimming in a volcano.

Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning describes looking like crap

This is precisely how one should look after opting to wear a pinstripe jacket, a pinstripe shirt, and a tie featuring some of Pac-Man’s most formidable enemies.

Eric Decker

Eric Decker stole your groupie

An old school Jets jacket? And the Jets are 4-1? Take a bow, fine sir.

Josh McCown

Josh McCown realizes he lives in Cleveland

Last week Josh McCown set a Browns record, throwing for 457 yards. This week, Josh McCown experienced the haunting realization that he is still, in fact, Josh McCown. The nondescript shirt and hat says it all.

Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler lives for life

The lesson, as always: When you lose to the Detroit Lions, you must wear a clip-on dress sock as a tie. Per a Chicago source, Jay Cutler is still standing at the podium sporting the same exact expression. At long last, Miserable Jay has returned to pouting glory.

Philip Rivers

Philip Rivers all about the family

“Just when I thought I was out … they pull me back in.” Superb Al Pacino impression. Oh, and thanks for rising to the occasion by wearing a sleeveless white hefty bag that says Chargers on it. What a great example of reaching for the stars.

Matthew Stafford

Matthew Stafford finally endorses Planet of the Apes

Winning does strange things to people who aren’t accustomed to winning. Thankfully, Matthew Stafford and his wandering head are expected to snap out of this Ram-Man stance as early as Wednesday afternoon. Get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well!

Russell Wilson

The Seahawks are 2-4 and Russell Wilson is already starting to show the signs of a man whose mouth might remain agape for the remainder of the season. That was quick. Derek Jeter never pulled this crap. Then again, Derek Jeter never lost. Great jacket, though.

Glover Quin?

Glover Quin but who is Glover Quin

A leather breast cancer awareness hat coupled with a death stare that would make 1980s Clint Eastwood flinch. Well done. Keep at it, my man.

Cam Newton

Cam Newton played one hell of a game in Seattle and continued to make his mark at the podium. Grand champ.

DeAndre Hopkins

DeAndre Hopkins says it ain't no thing

ATTN: Andy Dalton. This is how the casual look is done. Don’t force it, Big Red. Just let it fly like a recently divorced eagle.

Brian Hoyer

Brian Hoyer doesn't even know he's Brian Hoyer

The only reason Houston’s resident clown made this installment is out of sheer concern that Hoyer’s collar may one day swallow his own face. In fact, it already appears to be closing in for the kill. #PrayForHoyer

Blake Bortles

Are you serious? Again? Dress like an irrelevant assistant coach, get treated like an irrelevant assistant coach. Next.

Ryan Tannehill

Ryan Tannehill Oscar party

Ryan Tannehill used to thrive on nothing but Miami Dolphins sweatshirts and visible disengagement. Now? Not. So what exactly is going on here? A wedding reception on the verge of getting loose? The absence of Joe Philbin’s face? I’ll go with the latter, as Philbin continues to haunt my world despite his NFL dismissal.

Marcus Mariota

Can someone explain to me what Marcus Mariota has been accused of? Is he the lost Menendez brother? Is he upset that he’s not the lost Menendez brother? For the love of all that is holy, let’s come together and help this downtrodden fella.

Kirk Cousins

Kirk Cousins seeks Satan

A very focused Kirk Cousins appears to be revving up a motorcycle with plans of flooring it straight to hell. Prayers up that there’s a J. Crew outlet down there.

Arizona Cardinals

Nah.

Bonus Round

This happened. No, really, it did. I plan on watching this at least once a day for the rest of my life. Press the play button and you will too.

Philip Rivers shoutout to John Cena

While we haven’t seen too much of the bolo tie or the fish face, it’s pretty refreshing to see Philip Rivers throw John Cena’s “you can’t see me” move into the mix.

This Is Not Football

Oh my god. We love you, Bartolo, you graceful beast.

***

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