2016 NCAA Tournament Team Nickname Fight Bracket

History has proven there’s no correct way to fill out an NCAA Tournament bracket. Year after year, basketball neophytes win big-money pools by pure luck. With that in mind, here’s what would happen if you filled yours out based on head-to-head team nickname combat.

Some will say this post is a waste of time. Others will argue it’s an incredible waste of time. But we press on.

Since no No. 16 has ever knocked off a No. 1, we granted the top seeds some liberties and automatically advanced them into the second round. Why? Because you want to win, don’t you?

A few notes:

• Human beings were given the advantage over animals because, in most cases, they’d have access to weaponry and could organize to create a battle strategy.
• Natural disasters proved to be unstoppable forces. The Miami Hurricanes prevailed over Iowa State’s Cyclones due to a significant size advantage.
• Maryland advanced past South Dakota State because the tortoise beats the hare.
• Green Bay Phoenix automatically wins one round because of ability to rise again.

Problems? Fight us. This is serious stuff.