Dear People of Chicago,
It has come to my attention that some of you intend to pay upwards of $250 to watch the Cubs’ home World Series games on bars near Wrigley Field. Please don’t do this. Please don’t let your emotions get in the way of your sanity.
Look, I understand things have gotten crazy lately. You’re not used to success. A century of heartbreak and agony has made you vulnerable to scams. It’s easy to get caught up in something and not realize what it’s doing to you until the damage is done.
And that’s what I don’t want to see. You won’t respect yourself in the morning, especially if the Cubs lose. You’ll wake up with a mind-splitting headache and shame. Your burden will be heavy and your wallet much lighter.
Now, you’re probably worried about how you’ll watch the games if not at a bar located within a stone’s throw of the ballpark. Let me clue you into a little secret here that will assuage any apprehension.
You can also get the games on your television at home. Or a buddy’s television. You can buy booze at the store and save a ton of money. And food, too!
Bars five, six, and sixteen blocks from the Friendly Confines will also be airing the World Series. The broadcast will be the same everywhere. Those paying hundreds of dollars to watch won’t have access to special features like a VR at-bat against Kyle Hendricks or anything crazy.
Also, I know a lot of you have real problems with Joe Buck. It’s worth noting that you’ll be able to mute his “Cardinals-loving” commentary if you have access to a remote control. Pretty enticing, huh?
I understand the appeal of being at the epicenter. The blocks around Wrigley will be electric this weekend. But that electricity will spread throughout the city as it’s conducted by great joy should the Cubs take control — or win — the series this weekend. This is an event so monumental it can’t be contained.
There’s another reason you shouldn’t fork over $250 to watch the Cubs on television. Because the bars charging exorbitant cover shouldn’t be rewarded. Sure, they can do it. People will pay up and pack those places. It just reeks of opportunism and I don’t want you to be a part of it.
Be with your brothers and sisters in Cubdom. Drink heartily and be merry. This could be the best weekend of your life. There are any number of ways to enjoy it without mindlessly forking over your hard-earned money.
Glad we had this talk.