Resolution: 1. a firm decision to do or not to do something; 2. the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter.
Dallas Cowboys: We’ll do a better job finding an edge rusher who doesn’t have off-the-field problems.
New York Giants: We will finally get a running back, because we haven’t had one since Tiki Barber.
Washington Redskins: We won’t let Daniel Snyder dance anymore.
Philadelphia Eagles: We will find a #1 receiver for Carson Wentz.
Green Bay Packers: We will decrease the reliance on Clay Matthews, who is a menace when healthy but turns the defense to mush when he’s not.
Detroit Lions: We will fully commit to finding a running back.
Minnesota Vikings: We’re going to find defensive players who listen to Coach Zimmer.
Chicago Bears: We will do something about the Soldier Field turf this year. It won’t be like every other year. This time we mean it, we’re going to make some improvements.
Tampa Bay: We promise to not melt down at the end of the season for the third year in a row and actually get into the playoffs.
Atlanta: We’re going to try and be good enough to give our fans something to cheer about – so we don’t have to pipe artificial noise into the stadium.
New Orleans: We’re going to get our defense to be at least as good as Atlanta’s was this year.
Carolina: We’re going to teach Cam Newton how to slide. Also, he’s going to work on his hat game.
Seattle: We will score more than 15 points a game on the road next year and finally develop an offensive line.
Arizona: We’re going to make sure David Johnson doesn’t burn out too soon.
Los Angeles: We’re going to find Todd Gurley so he can finally come off the milk cartons in LA.
San Francisco: We’re going to try and eliminate fights in the stands at our stadium, and definitely stop being the worst franchise in the Bay Area.
New England: We are on to the playoffs. Next question.
Miami: We will convert a 4th down because it’s embarrassing being the only team to not convert one in 2016.
Buffalo: We’re going to find a real coach (and a GM, if he isn’t reading this).
New York Jets: We’re cutting junk food and working out. Oh, wait. You mean football? We can’t stop being a 2nd rate franchise until Woody Johnson sells the team.
Pittsburgh: We’re going to make sure nobody gets suspended for drugs.
Baltimore: We’re going to try to have a season where our great kicker isn’t the Team MVP.
Cincinnati: WE WILL WIN A PLAYOFF GAME!
Cleveland: A quarterback, an owner, a defense, and a wide receiver, in that order if possible.
Houston: Find a team desperate enough to take Brock Osweiler, even if it means paying a substantial chunk of his $18 million next season for the privilege of unloading him and starting over yet again at the quarterback position.
Tennessee: Keep Marcus Mariota’s bones and ligaments intact at all costs.
Indianapolis: Find Andrew Luck a lucid owner, a competent coach, a smart GM, and capable offensive line, and a decent defense.
Jacksonville: A brain, for Blake Bortles.
Oakland: Discipline. We won’t be the most penalized team again next year.
Kansas City: We’re going to get Andy Reid some confidence in the red zone.
Denver: See if Drew Brees can be pried away from the Saints for a shot at another Super Bowl before the window closes on the dominant defense.
San Diego: We resolve to be in a new stadium.