In Honor of Stockton Malone Shorts: Over-the-Top Basketball Names for Every State
By Kyle Koster
There’s a high school basketball player in Utah named Stockton Malone Shorts. It is the perfect name for a basketball player in Utah and is in no way subtle. His parents deserve all the accolades for coming up with such an iconic moniker. It is now important for new parents in other states to step it up in the basketball name department.
Here are some suggestions. Some legal paperwork may be required.
Alabama: Barkley Boogie Wallace
Alaska: Trajan Chalmers Boozer
Arizona: Nash Elliott Olson
Arkansas: Nolan Pippen Silas
California: Magic Kobe Abdul-Jabbar
Colorado: Billups Issel Abdul-Rauf
Connecticut: Kemba Calhoun Auriemma
Delaware: Tarzan Boney English
Florida: Dwyane Anfernee O’Neal
Georgia: Dominique Petit Blaylock
Hawaii: Chaminade Ceballos Rocha
Idaho: Luke Ridnour Jr.
Illinois: Jordan Van Lear Rodman
Indiana: Knight Keady Bird
Iowa: Hinrich Barnes LaFrentz
Kansas: Manning Chamberlain Allen
Kentucky: Mashburn Rupp Pitino
Louisiana: Shaquille Marovich Malone
Maine: Jeff Turner, Jr.
Maryland: Gary Grevis Francis
Massachusetts: Havlicek Cousy Auerbach
Michigan: Isaiah Izzo Webber
Minnesota: Garnett Cassell Mikan
Mississippi: Chet Haywood Henderson
Missouri: Keyon Stewart Bradley
Montana: Phil Morrison Jackson
Nebraska: Tyronn McDermott Strickland
Nevada: L.J. Anthony Tarkanian
New Hampshire: Matt Bonner Jr.
New Jersey: Kidd Julius Kittles
New Mexico: Longley Granger Cooper
New York: Frazier Boeheim Carnesecca
North Carolina: Dean Worthy Stackhouse
North Dakota: Phil Jackson McDermott
Ohio: Oscar LeBron Ehlo
Oklahoma: Griffin Westbrook Sutton
Oregon: Walton Lillard Payton
Pennsylvania: Doctor Iverson Chamberlain
Rhode Island: Lamar Donovan Shammgod
South Carolina: Horace Tree English
South Dakota: Wolters Miller
Tennessee: Summitt Gasol Randolph
Texas: Duncan Nowitzki Olajuwon
Utah: Stockton Malone Shorts
Vermont: Brennan Russillo Coppenrath
Virginia: Shaka Sampson Crotty
Washington: Klay Kemp Wilkins
West Virginia: D’Antoni West Williams
Wisconsin: Bo Wade McGuire
Wyoming: Dembo Nance Ratliff