Roundup: Great Starburst News, Shocking Daycare Worker Video & College Football Team Gets Lazy River

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Lais Ribeiro, a Victoria’s Secret model who dates a former Iowa State basketball player … a man who weighed 980 pounds lost all of the weight, and now he has new problems … Tom Brady is entering the prepared meal market … 16-year old dies during Color Guard practice … “More and more people are being murdered in Mexico — and once more drug cartels are to blame” … How Alcohol and Caffeine Helped Create Civilization” … buried in this story is Leighton Meester’s big return to TV from Gossip Girl! … use Slack? Probably want to read this … “Giant Penguin Might Have Been Around With the Dinosaurs” … who knew there was a Bar-B-Cue Contest World Championship? … financial advisors who stole from the elderly were going to jail, so they killed themselves instead … “Ga. woman’s reason wrecking into chicken truck: ‘I’m vegan‘”… high school kid develops new technique to detect silent heart attacks … interracial couple had the N-word spray-painted on their garage door, and they left it up to make a point … the best Starburst news in years! … 

Northwestern coach Chris Collins has stories galore, including the time he thought Michael Jordan was giving him shoes … but he really wanted young Chris to lace ’em up. [Chicago Tribune]

Half of Americans can’t write a check for $500? That’s not a good “reality.” [Zero Hedge]

UCF football players will be getting a lazy river on campus. Money well spent! [24-7 Sports]

Jerry Jones is trying to take advantage of a wounded Redskins front office. The Warriors are going to be fine without Kevin Durant. And Colin Kaepernick … phony? [Fox Sports Radio Podcast; Full 3-Hour Radio Show]

Russell Westbrook scored a career-high 58 points (on 39 shots) but the Thunder lost a 4th straight game to a lottery-bound team. [Oklahoman]

“Unemployed, Living In A Caravan — And Now, Winner Of A $165,000 Literary Prize.” [NPR]

You’ve got to go to jail for awhile for starving a dog to death by tying it to a tree in the front yard. But will jail reform someone that demented? [Observer]

Rick Fox has an interesting business – he pays kids to play video games. He trains them, too. [Bloomberg Technology]

If you’re into NBA game theory, you’ll love how Mike D’Antoni has taken the pick out of the pick-and-roll. [Chronicle]

Clippers vs Bulls Saturday night on ABC was the lowest-rated broadcast NBA game in a decade. Yikes. [SMW]

This idea that twitter could “reshape civil discourse” is laughable. If anything, it’s dividing more the media even more. [Slate]

If you send your kids to day care, you might freak out looking at this video.

Everytime I see these drone videos, I realize how badly I want one. [via LAist]

Good way to prove to a cop you’re not drunk: Juggling bowling pins.

Michael Jordan’s private jet has a new paint job.