Game of Thrones: "Eastwatch" Recap

Everyone hates the middle episodes of a Game of Thrones season where the metaphorical pieces are moving around the metaphorical chess board. No one would have ever complained if those were all speed cheese episodes like this one.

Jaime and Bronn – What a surprise that they safely washed ashore far away from the dragon and the Dothraki. For a party-happy sellsword, Bronn is a hell of a swimmer to be able to maneuver Jaime all that way in that heavy armor. I mean, that’s at least a few hundred meters.

Dany – Harsh but fair! Bend the knee or get burned alive.

Dickon – Nobody liked Sam’s dad, but Dickon made a big impression in a small amount of screen time.

Dragons – Three of them. Most people have only seen one, but there are two more. That’s three total dragons. Three.

Cersei – Not thrilled with the results of the first few days of the war. Maybe Jaime should have led with the giant-ass crossbow stats? Thing landed like 1 of 2 and the dragon was both hurt and annoyed. Then he roasted one of her most powerful banner men.

Jon Snow – Good doggy.

Ser Jorah – So glad he’s back again. And then left. Hopefully, he’ll be back again. So he can be sent away. It’s a complicated relationship.

Army of Darkness – Still walking. Somebody send a raven to tell everyone that they’re still walking.

Maester Board – So much skepticism about everything even though they apparently have all the knowledge ever right there in their books and scrolls.

Davos – Are we being set up to learn that he’s the ultimate fighter next season or something? He’s not a fighter and there are three dragons. He does have a silver tongue though. And lived to a ripe old age.

Winterfell – Littlefinger driving a wedge between the Stark ladies. Not that they need help. They can do that themselves.

Jaime and Tyrion – Another reunion. Pretty good. And it’s all going to work out for everyone! What a heartwarming storyline.

Gendry – Gendry back!? And he looks like he’s been in the gym 24/7. And making badass war hammers.

Cersei’s Baby – Wonder which Stark will get revenge for King Robb.

Gendry and Jon – Another fun meeting. Just like their fathers. Or who they think is their fathers.

Gilly – That’s a very expansive book she’s reading which has counts on steps and windows and annulments within a few pages. Oh, and now we know that Jon Snow was born to a married couple which makes him a full blood which is important I guess.

Tormund – “The big woman?” Please come back from this mission.

Snowicide Squad – SuicICE Squad? Jon Snow has never been part of a superteam.

This is a heck of a plan. Take all the main characters north of the wall to try and capture one zombie so they can bring it back to the south again to show the lady who wants to kill them all anyway. It’s just crazy enough to work. I just worry that this is going to turn out like the time MacGruber got the team together.

Still the scene where people kept stepping forward to say “Hey, I know you,” was neat. What a small world!

Watching all these guys get (re-)acquainted makes for a heck of a set-up to next episode. The penultimate episode of the shortened season. There are only 8 episodes of Game of Thrones left. That’s it. Two more this month then 6 sometime in 2018. Winter is here. It’s kind of depressing.