Lonnie Walker's "The Earth Is An Illusion" Theory Is Way Better Than Kyrie Irving's Flat-Earth Nonsense

Lonnie Walker is a possible lottery pick in next month’s NBA draft. Like NBA veteran and noted flat-earther Kyrie Irving, he doesn’t think what we’ve been told about planet earth is true.

But not because he thinks the earth is flat, he told the Miami Herald.

"“The Earth is not flat, in my opinion,” Walker said, “but the Earth, on my conspiracy, the Earth is definitely an illusion.”"

This is a far less idiotic suggestion than Irving’s insistence that the earth is flat. There are scientists — real ones with book learnin’ and microscopes and everything — who think the whole universe may be a giant hologram. But even without the backing of scientists, Walker’s theory is not easily debunked by, you know, photos, the way the flat-earth thing is.

It’s closer to a theory advanced by Elon Musk that what we think of as “the universe” is actually just a super-sophisticated simulation, possibly being directed by some eighth grader in the distant future, which, frankly, would explain a lot.

"The strongest argument for us being in a simulation, probably being in a simulation, is the following: 40 years ago, we had Pong, two rectangles and a dot…That is what games were. Now, 40 years later, we have photorealistic 3D simulations with millions of people playing simultaneously, and it’s getting better every year. And soon we’ll have virtual reality, augmented reality. If you assume any rate of improvement at all, the games will become indistinguishable from reality."

The simulation thing is a non-falsifiable claim — how can we prove that isn’t true? — which makes it a highly durable as a conspiracy theory, the way good conspiracy theories are. The flat-earth thing is not, and is therefore a poor and unsatisfying conspiracy theory.

Anyway, Walker went to college at Miami while Kyrie Irving went to Duke.