To sex or not to sex before a competition.  It’s a debate affecting all virile male athletes.  Do you fly onto the field with the flurry of post-coital testosterone or store up the masculine essence to unleash a wave unrequited fury on your opponent? The Indian National Cricket Team, ranked #1 in the world, has opted for boning.

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It’s been awhile since we’ve showed Megan Fox … don’t foreclose – squat! …pranksters mess with electronic road signs … beer bottle dominoes; impressive … just to balance things out: optimism on the economic horizon! (not that we actually believe that) … failing the driving test 771 times … team manager with down’s syndrome gets onto the floor – and hits a three …

Writer exposes Cash4Gold; company’s CEO offers writer money to essentially “take the story off the internet.” (Boing Boing)

Michael Redd’s gone for the season, and now Andruw Bogut’s on the shelf for eight weeks. (Journal-Sentinel)

On Michael Phelps: “Baby boomers want justice, and the Facebook generation yawns.” (Ball Star)

Sandy Koufax was one of the 13,000 people scammed in Madoff’s ponzi scheme. (NY Post)

Unimpressed by Kobe’s 60-point night. (What Would Oakley Do)

OJ Mayo has regained his mojo: 32 points in a surprising win over Houston. (Commercial Appeal)

Agreed that Cards-Steelers was definitely not the best Super Bowl. Best fourth-quarter? Yeah, we’ll bu that argument. (Chicago Tribune)

Former Dolphins WR Oronde Gadsden, for whatever reason, wants to bring a CFL team to the United States. (Globe and Mail)

Derek Jeter will absolutely not talk about Minka Kelly. (SI)

Justin Fargas of the Raiders, hanging out with some nefarious individuals who possess large amounts of marijuana. (World Star Hip Hop via PFT)

The former Jet, his Super Bowl ring, and a rehab facility. (Star Ledger)

Yes, Connecticut’s Jake Voskuhl is still in the NBA. (The Good Point)

“Paper towels, moisturizer and a “Barely Legal” pornography magazine were three pieces of the incriminating evidence police used to arrest a man for masturbating in a City College parking lot.” (Santa Barbara City College via Busted Coverage)

Quite a week for NHL ruffian/brooding wannabe celebrity Sean Avery: First, when a fashion writer in Paris asked him if he were gay, Avery defiantly responded, “I’m going home to jerk off to you now.” Gawker wrote that there was later a mid-jerk text message that said, “the session is going very well.” Sean Avery might be rich, and he might have boffed Elisha Cuthbert, but he calls relishing your dog or toying with your death star “sessions,” just like every other guy in America.

Of slightly lesser importance, the free agent defender signed a 4-year, $15.5 million deal with the Dallas Stars. (Modano, watch your wife!)

Sean Avery wants distractions? How about Elisha Cuthbert in Maxim? … wow, some debate last night, huh? Here’s one reaction, and here’s another … would you buy this Knicks t-shirt? … anyone watch the Colbert Report and feel compelled to google the Eagles cheerleaders? Fantastic job by the team giving each girl a video to express themselves … this is depressing: only 17 percent of Americans pay off their CC balance each month … employers are watching your myspace and facebook accounts, and your blog, too … ok, enough with the intern “applications” – we’ll get through all of them and pick five people to write a post and then probably pick one or two to be chosen as the intern, and if we’re lucky, VH1 will televise it! …

Soccer star Ben Olsen has taken to acting, as has budding DC TV starlet Lindsay Czarniak, whom we had a few classes in college with. (Behind the Badge)

Fantastic breakdown of the McShay-Kiper showdown, which remains a rout as we near halftime. (Sports Yenta)

MLS players are tossed from Fenway for being obnoxious. (Boston Herald)

Wow, Joel Sherman lands a couple pulverizing shots at ESPN’s Joe Morgan. (NY Post)

Travis Ford leaves UMass to coach Oklahoma State, which we’re certain will be a 20-win, NCAA-bound team next year. (Red Moon Cafe)

Eli Manning is getting married this weekend in Cabo. (NY Daily News)

The funniest line about Allison Stokke in the history of the internet: “[Her Dad's] message: You won’t be masturbating to Allison on our bandwidth. Go elsewhere with your unwieldy erection, you pervert.” (Deadspin)

Blogger burnout! (Boston Herald)

Female teacher on female student in North Carolina. (WRAL)

Trey Wingo vs. Mort over the Jacksonville Jaguars. (Awful Announcing)

Kevin Love will officially declare for the NBA today. (SI)

Is Jenna Jameson the reason Tito Ortiz is fighting just once more? (Page Six)

In honor of the Office returning to TV tonight, Jenna Fischer. Not to “pimp” our Myspace, but a few female readers have signed up – yada, yada, yada, if there is ever a love connection among commenters, that would be cool.

Man finds $140,000 in unmarked bills, turns it into the cops, and as a reward, Brinks (who lost the money), give the guy a paltry $2,000. (CBS News)

John Elway is impressed Jay Cutler chastised WR Brandon Marshall. (Fanhouse)

South Park clowns Bill Belichick. (You Been Blinded)

Seaplane clips an alligator during takeoff, flips and sinks. (Local 6)

Can people really get this hateful and vitriolic? Come on commenters, keep it professional. (Wall Street Journal)

Sorry, we’re not buying this Jake Long-as-the-No. 1 pick business. (Sports Point)

David Cone during the Yankees telecast last night: “…he gets jerked off.” (Zubaz Pants)

Come on Brett Favre, shit or get off the pot. (Sun Herald)

Insult to injury: The apartment of a few Memphis players was robbed while the Tigers were at the Final Four. (Friends of the Program)

Sorry, but there’s no shot of Larry Brown going to Providence. (ProJo)

Will you watch Gladiators if this girl is on it? (Daily Mail)

In college, the library is actually a decent place to meet women – don’t act like you never used Kramer’s line: “What does a guy gotta do around here to get a library card,” knowing full well that you don’t need one. The cute librarian will laugh – because she’s obviously never heard that line – and you might score some digits. According to the Penn State school paper, The Daily Collegian, Penn State point guard Stanley Pringle allegedly prefers a much more subtle approach: Masturbation in the stacks.

Police said Pringle, the team’s point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating. Police have filed charges of public lewdness and disorderly conduct against him in connection to the incident

The police are also looking into a similar library masturbation incident that took place March 21st in a stairwell. No charges have been filed in that one, but the message is clear: Females might want to bring a towel on their next trip to the library.

Basketball player to be charged in library masturbation (The Daily Collegian)

Let us count the ways that the civil suit filed against troubled Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin (pictured on the left, pumping his fist, and fortunately, not his cock) for his car accident, apparently caused while the millionaire was driving while drunk, and watching porn, and masturbating, is troubling:

� Minnesota cops possibly covering it all up
� Griffin admitting on video he was driving drunk
� That there are TVs mounted in the front of vehicles for the driver to watch
� Griffin�s attempted bribery caught on video � �I�ll buy you a new car � anything but a Bentley.�
� The fact that Griffin�s car rolls around with DVD porn
� Masturbating while operating a heavy piece of machinery

Attempting to find humor in such a gnarly situation, we wonder, what porn was Griffin watching? While you think we may not be able to get to the bottom of such a pressing question, consider this: Porn star/former California Gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey went on the Howard Stern almost a year ago and bragged about bedding NBA players. Prominently mentioned was a tall Minnesota Timberwolves player who flew her into town more than once. According to Carey, he was a high draft pick a few years ago. Griffin is all these things. Kind of makes you wonder �

At any rate, the best Griffin story we�ve heard is this one. The incident was largely downplayed as a �misunderstanding,� (read: Griffin probably shelled out $50,000 to make this go away) but we heard from credible sources that Griffin had basically crashed a wedding at this hotel, wound up hooking up with two women in the jacuzzi/hot tub (while the security guards watched it on the surveillance cameras), and then hours later, Griffin came back looking for his lovely ladies. Apparently, they gave him the wrong room number, because he ended up pounding on the door of the groom, and a fight ensued because a belligerent Griffin refused to leave until he could meet up with his girls from earlier in the evening. Wild stuff. Two weeks later, Griffin entered alcohol rehab.

Anywho, Griffin�s fate should be as follows: His driver�s license should be revoked for the next two years, and he should be instantly shipped to purgatory Portland, where he�ll fit in nicely with fellow problem-children Zach Randolph and Darius Miles.

Somewhere, in a distant corner of the universe � or a Costco Price Club warehouse – Ty Shine is getting a good laugh out of this.

Eddie Griffin Videotape (WCCO)
Griffin served with civil suit (St. Paul Pioneer Press)
LT. GOVERNOR CAREY (Howard Stern.com)
Wolves over the Weekend (I Heart KG)