Got off a flight yesterday, turned on the phone, and a voicemail sounded something like this: “You have to blog about Cris Carter saying he would put a bullet in Terrell Owens. When you listen to the audio, make sure to listen for Michele Tafoya laughing.”

Starts at the 2:05 mark here (you’ll need ESPN Insider): Gottlieb and Tafoya ask Carter how he’d rebuild the Cowboys.

“If I’ve got a gun, I’ve got one bullet in it, I shoot TO right now, right on the spot. I have a press conference, I have him come in, and I put a bullet right there [inaudible] in him.”

Tafoya erupts in laughter. It isn’t even a fake “ha ha” - she blurts out uncontrollable laughter. There’s a nervous silence, and then Gottlieb attempts the save, saying “Tongue planted firmly in cheek.” Tafoya, remembering that she is employed by Disney, quickly repents and agrees with Gottlieb that it must be a joke. Carter says nothing.

Remember how when Cris Carter arrived at ESPN, many folks said, “man, what a great hire! He really knows his stuff!” Wonder how many of those folks are saying today, “just another level-headed analyst who goes to ESPN and turns into an incendiary, look-at-me imbecile.”

Cris: You sound like a buffoon. Do you want to be the second incarnation of Michael Irvin? What does the name Trev Alberts mean to you? Are you competing with Keyshawn Johnson to see who can make the dumbest, most vitriolic comments? Are you upset that Mark Schlereth’s “name” is bigger than yours right now because of his asinine “Reggie Bush is not a good football player” comments?

(We were completely wound up over those comments, but it was the holidays, and time didn’t allow for a lengthy, angry diatribe. But essentially, Schlereth seems to think he’s more of a man than Bush because he had 29 surgeries on his knees, and played through pain during most of his mediocre NFL career. Clearly, he believes that playing through pain on the offensive line is more difficult than playing through pain as a punt returner/RB. But more importantly, this is why we don’t watch any of those idiotic pre-game NFL shows. If he’s saying this junk on the radio, what other garbage is he peddling on TV? We’ll take the games and the Sunday NBC recap show, or ESPN highlights on mute, thanks.)

Essentially, this is what ESPN has created: An army of analysts constantly trying to out-do one another - not with reporting, but with fire and brimstone, as if that will make the show a ratings hit.

Apparently, this isn’t the only radio show in which Carter used his “bullet” analogy. Way to go, Cris. Now, you’ve been talked about by a couple blogs. Congrats.

Rebuilding Dallas by shooting a player. Brilliant. Thanks for the penetrating analysis.