Red Sox 8, Blue Jays 3: He finally did it, David Ortiz is back! Although, not sure how special the big fella feels considering it was one of four home runs given up in the fifth by the charitable Brett Cecil. Brad Penny improved to 4-1 on the year despite a horrendous, bloated ERA of 6.07. As expected, it’s getting crowded atop the AL East.

Tigers 5, Rangers 3: Wilkin Ramírez endeared himself to Tiger fans with a solo home run to lead off the sixth inning in his major league debut. Since getting hammered by the Rangers in late April, Justin Verlander has ripped off five excellent starts, including his fourth win last night.

Cards 2, Cubs 1: Chris Carpenter threw five scoreless innings in his return from the DL and Ryan Franklin, who makes Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart look conservative, worked a shaky ninth, allowing the lone Cubs run, but recovered to pick up the save.

Reds 5, Phils 1: After a rough outing against the Padres, Aaron Harang and his trusty Dorito returned to form, going seven innings and giving up one run while striking out nine.

Marlins 8, D-Backs 6; D-Backs 11, Marlins 9: In the two games, Justin Upton had five hits, fours runs scored and six RBI. Safe to say, I drafted the wrong Upton, and he doesn’t even turn 22 until late August.

Yankees 11, Orioles 4: Yanks won their eighth straight behind back-to-back-to-back jacks from Swisher, Canó and Melky. Through five innings, Phil Hughes had nine strikeouts on 89 pitches, but Girardi took him out. No wonder he exudes the confidence of John Clayton on prom night.

White Sox 7, Twins 4: A seven-run fourth led by Jermaine Dye’s grand slam off Frank Liriano put the Sox up for good.

Indians 6, Royals 5: Kerry Wood’s expected terrifying ninth was highlighted by three walks. But hey, he didn’t blow it this time!

Dodgers 2, Mets 1: L.A. sweeps the three-game series and the Mets waste a great start from Livan Hernandez, who threw seven innings of one-run ball. They’ve lost four in a row and Reyes is hurt again. Insert an abundance of chaos and various Met trade rumors here.

Mariners 1, Angels 0: Chris Jakubauskas pitched the shutout win and looks exactly like the Joker.

This has to be the sickest inside the park home run I’ve ever been privileged enough to witness live, in person: