Guess the Suspended, Perverted NFL Analyst
Uncategorized January 5th. 2007, 2:09pm
You probably don’t know this, but Sportsline columnist Mike Freeman is something of a legend in the sportswriting business. A couple years ago, he went all George O’Leary on his resume. Another time, he penned quite possibly the most memorable media rant – charges of racism, sexism, and blatant fabrication against fellow NFL writers – that we’ve ever come across.
We haven’t been reading Freeman’s prose lately, but a reader pointed out that he had a super juicy blind item recently:
Media entry. The NFL analyst who shall not be named that took a picture of his penis with a cell phone camera and has shown it to numerous, uncomfortable women, then was suspended by his network for it. Absolute true story. Please make sure to clean off the mirror when you are done with it.
Fridays are generally slow, but we’d like to field guesses on this one all day. Sean Salisbury comes to mind. He seems like enough of a doofus to try this. Michael Irvin? Rich Eisen? Jerome Bettis? We’re at a loss, people. If the guesses are educated and funny, we may compile a list at the end of the day.
Take a look at this year’s All-Selfish team (Sportsline)
21 Responses to “Guess the Suspended, Perverted NFL Analyst”
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January 5th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
John Clayton.
January 5th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
How about Terry Bradshaw? I’ve heard stories about him hitting on much younger ladies on the road. Doubt it’s him, though, because this sounds like something an ESPN employee would do.
January 5th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Analyst with naughty cell phone pics? Come on, guys. This one is too easy. His name just gives it away.
Two words.
Trey. Wingo.
January 5th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
The obvious answer here is John Clayton. He would have to show it to the various women in the office just to prove it existed.
January 5th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
It has to be Peter King. Just look past the coffee stains on his boxers and it’s there in all its glory.
January 5th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Bill Maas
January 5th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
I know he’s more of a color commentator than an “analyst”, but FOX’s Bill Maas hasn’t been heard from in a while. I’m just sayin’.
January 5th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
My guesses are:
Sean Salisbury, who can barely come up with articulate arguments when debating John Clayton. Which leads me to my second choice:
John Clayton himself. In an attempt to ‘man up’ and generate a trace amount of machismo in the onslaught of Salisbury’s berating comments, he snapped a pic of lil’ Johnnie. “How’s that for first and 10, baby!”
Sal Palantonio – who wanted to show of his Italian Stallion.
Or bitter Steelers washout Merril Hoge.
January 5th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
It was Joe Theeesman…and it was actually just a pic of his face…but, you know…the guy IS a dick…
January 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Suzy Kolber missed a few MNF broadcasts this season…
January 5th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Isn’t there a MNF sideline reporter that missed a few games this season? Are sideline reporters analysts? Can Joe Namath confirm she is indeed …
January 5th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Wow. John Clayton came to mind also. I don’t hardly watch ESPN anymore beyond actual games. It’s too mind-numbenly difficult. So, I can’t think of who has been missing.
Mike Greenberg? – Nah, he’s gone over the metrosexual line the wrong way so I doubt he’d be showing pics to women.
Joe Buck? – Just because I hate.
Chris Berman? – If he can get away with “You’re with me leather”, why couldn’t he get away with this?
Greg Doyell? – Seems like a perfect fit except I doubt Sportline would let their own guy write about another.
Micheal Irvin? – This guy is basically not having a job away from being Mike Tyson. He’s my choice.
January 5th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
The “Anal”yst could be:
Pam Ward: She is a guy, right?
Sean Salisbury: Wasnt he “disciplined” during the season for something “unknown” ?
Howie Long: The name just gives it away
Boomer Esiason: Boom Boom
Chris Berman: Whats the “real fastest 3 minutes of TV?”
January 5th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
“Isn’t there a MNF sideline reporter that missed a few games this season? Are sideline reporters analysts? Can Joe Namath confirm she is indeed … ”
I can confirm sideline reporters aren’t analysts. I cannot confirm that Miss Kolber is indeed a …
Maybe the guys at KSK can help us out.
January 5th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I’d say it was Stuart Scott, but with that lazy eye he might not have the depth perception to actually take a picture.
January 5th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Brent Jones?
BILL MAAS!
January 5th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Uh,
Anybody know why Steve Young only does MNF and not Sunday’s anymore??
My other guess is Brian “Ball-Dinger”
One things for sure, its not our friend Lucious Pusey.
January 5th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
The John Clayton thing has merit. He hasn’t been seen that much this season.
Jay Glazer?
How about the Total Access set? They shuffled the anchors this season. Derrin Horton?
January 5th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Cris Collinsworth, the guy has slimeball written all over him.
February 5th, 2007 at 12:13 am
Bill Maas – No Question! have a friend that has seen it!
February 5th, 2007 at 12:14 am
Bill Maas – No Question!