Yardwork: To Fix Jeff Francoeur, We’ll Need a Jets Helmet
Baseball July 23rd. 2009, 11:30am
Nats 3, Mets 1: Thanks to the Mets, the Nats pitching staff has suddenly become the 1989 Oakland A’s. Thanks to Jeff Francoeur, the Mets highlights have gone from sad and boring to hilarious. Finally, thanks to the prescient MLB planning committee, the Mets are not on the schedule tonight.
Rockies 4, D-Backs 3: It wasn’t close to being a packed house, but those in attendance gave Todd Helton a prolonged standing ovation after he hit his 500th career double. Hitting the go-ahead home run in the bottom of the eighth made it an even more memorable afternoon for the longtime Rockie. He is The Rockie, right? Franchise was established in 1993 and he’s been there since his rookie year in 1997.
Dodgers 6, Reds 2: Before the sixth inning of this one, the Yahoo headline read, “Manny sits out on own bobblehead night.” Oh, the horror, how could he? Manny ended up pinch-hitting in the sixth and smacked a grand slam, making bobblehead night the great success it was originally intended to be. No, please don’t say ‘only in Mannywood’. Remember, if you say it, you have to immediately sweep someone’s leg. The bobblehead itself was pretty cool even though it looks a lot more like Kid Rock than it does Manny.
Braves 6, Giants 2: Atlanta has won four straight and eight of 10. Last night, they beat Tim Lincecum, who hadn’t lost in five weeks. The devastating blow was a three-run shot to Yunel Escobar in the third. Braves starter Jair Jurrjens was excellent and cannot stop smiling about it.
A’s 16, Twins 1: Glen Perkins pitched one inning and gave up eight runs. As he walked off the mound, the Twins dugout began a surprising but well deserved chant of “Assss-Hoooole, Assss-Hoooole.”
Astros 4, Cards 3: The Astros got two off closer Ryan Franklin in the bottom of the ninth for the walk-off win, which came on a Miguel Tejada single. Houston is just one game out of first. On a sour note for St. Louis, Chris Duncan, who’s 1-for-31 with no RBIs since June 29, is no longer available to help spark the bats.
Marlins 5, Padres 0: Ricky Nolasco was dominant. Two hits and 10 K’s over 6 2/3 innings.
Yanks 6, Orioles 4: The Yankees have won six in a row. Sadly, this all comes to a screeching halt tonight, as my presence at the game will more than likely ruin everything. Somewhere, @miggiesmalls raises his fist and screams, “That wasn’t part of the deal Blackheart, that wasn’t part of the deeeeeeal!”
The left fielder really goes all out here:
Greatest bunt ever? It’s got my vote:
50 Responses to “Yardwork: To Fix Jeff Francoeur, We’ll Need a Jets Helmet”
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July 23rd, 2009 at 11:33 am
first rule of yankees win streaks: we don’t talk about yankees win streaks!
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:34 am
that stick figures video is sick
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:35 am
The Chicago White Sox and all their fans would like to extend a hearty thank you to BJ Upton who in the 7th inning last night read a line drive off the bat of the Fucking Cuban about as well as Derrick Rose reads books
Sox one game back
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:37 am
In my 41 years of life, I do not think I’ve seen as many outfield misplays/drops on one team as I have with this year’s New York Metropolitans.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:39 am
Oh Perk.
Oh well, none of the Central teams are any good so I don’t really give a fuck who wins this division. Sox probably will cause they can go out and make a trade, plus they have the best pitching.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:40 am
Awesome.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:40 am
White Sox 4 TB 3
Patty Burrell hit his 6th HR of the year
The Chicago White Sox and all their fans would like to extend a hearty thank you to BJ Upton who in the 7th inning last night read a line drive off the bat of the Fucking Cuban about as well as Derrick Rose reads books
sux
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:41 am
Jeff Francour: water finds its level.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:42 am
Milton Bradley and Alfonso Soriano would beg to differ. FMOutfield.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:42 am
Bobby Seay for President… of ShittyPitcherica.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:43 am
Fact: Yankees are 0-2 when I’m at the stadium. I’ll be in right field next to a female with a large neon green sign that says “Swisher-licious” on Friday. Pencil us in for a loss already.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:43 am
The beating Francoeur’s gonna take in the media will send him into a slump for the rest of the year. I bet the guys on radio up there aren’t loving that trade as much anymore.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:44 am
@Sports Hernia
Huzzah for the pic of Stampy.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:44 am
The NL would have won the all-star game if Jair Jurrjens started instead of emo-boy. Braves on da come up.
What’s ironic about the Francoeur play is that Ryan Church made an error in right field last night for the Braves. Both teams really did trade shit for shit.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Cubs also one game back. Red Line series baby!
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:47 am
Morris Buttermaker has.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:48 am
At least the Mets have Hulk hogan as their assistant GM. thats always a good sign.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:48 am
Gays
/Check and Mate (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 am
no mention of the Pirates going yard 5 times yesterday? or didn’t that happen because they’ve already been contracted?
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 am
And that screenshot of Frenchy is great to see because on the ticker at the bottom it shows the LaRouche trade… Two double-play-hitting-inning-ending-machines the braves got rid of in one pic… thanks, Hernia, made my morning.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:51 am
@sportshernia
I’m also going to the game so hopefully 2 negatives present = a postive outcome.
Fn’ rain better hold off!
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:51 am
There will actually be more on him later.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:51 am
I thought it didn’t happen because MLB doesn’t count homeruns that come off of Jeff Suppan.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 am
Amen. I loved the faux shock yesterday of “did the Pirates really just trade Adam Laroche?”. He’s effing terrible. And he falls asleep half the time at first base.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 am
Oh, and I’d like to thank Maholm for really holding on with all that run support.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:55 am
TBL was trying to make fun of this yesterday, possibly due to an unhealthy obsession with displeasing sir sipicuous. I think the best part of this trade is the “experts” trying to figure out what the ostensibly intelligent Red Sox front office is thinking acquiring laroche and chris duncan in the same day. I know Lugo sucks, but they didn’t even manage to dump any of his salary.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:56 am
Any post that has Stampy in it is ok in my book.
Also, YANKS IN FIRST BY 2 GAMES. That’s all I have to say.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:58 am
TBL was trying to make fun of this yesterday, possibly due to an unhealthy obsession with displeasing sir sipicuous
since i hate adam laroche more than the guy that kicked my dog, i don’t think he could have taken me off the high i was feeling. and give maholm a break, he did hold the brewers to only 7 in 4 and 2/3rds. POS.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:59 am
This post could have been Utopian (Duffy’d) if we also would have gotten a Pinchy screengrab too.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Pinchy would have wanted it this way
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
@Hernia- Shawn Bradley being dunked on by T-Mac was just on TV. It was not a double-clutch Tom Chambers move, however.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
adam laroche still pizzles me… i think he just focuses on making his swing look pretty more than actually making contact with it.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Shhhhhhh… We don’t want anyone to know that we haven’t lost a game since the all star break and have a very nasty (per Michael Kay, Phil-thy) bullpen and are just mashing the ball. Shhhhh.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
One Game back bitches!
We need Roy Bad. Kenny make a move.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
my gosh
did anyone read whitlock yet?
http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/9839296/Whitlock:-Who/%27s-to-blame-for-Erin-Andrews-video-scandal
he is angry. haymakers galore. im halfway through and really, really hoping that TBL doesn’t get destroyed …
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Who you giving up? Richard, Poreda, Torres, Jenks (even though his stock is dropping)?
No way does he include Beckham in any deal
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Then no way is Roy coming. I keep reaading that alexei/poreda/beckam would all have to be included.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Ah, whitlock.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:13 pm
AH WHITLOCK!
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
TJ:
I can break soccer news!
end TJ.
/sarcasm
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Butters I give up Jenks, Poreda, Torres. Thorton should be our new closer even though hes not great but neither is Jenks. We cant give up Beckham dude is a fucking star.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Damn, is Whitlock ever not angry?
I was with him on most of it until this gem: It was a reality version of Spike Lee’s underrated movie Bamboozled.
A spike lee movie underrated? That’s looney speak.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Fuck that. They can keep Roy.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Fuck this whole EA thing. The Perv who did that just did what we all wanted to know “what does she look like naked” I mean damn it was fucked up but why is everyone making a big deal about it. Remember when Sean Salsbury showed his dick?
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
@Tampa
No Roy for the Sox.. they’d have to give up way too much from the big team, and Buehrle, Floyd, Danks, and Richard are solid arms to take into the home stretch. If Colon, Contreras, and Garcia can put together something decent in that other starter’s spot to get us to the Playoffs, they can all miss the roster for the playoffs for all I care.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Kenny will make a move, Tampa. But Roy isn’t going anywhere. He’s been inquiring about Dan Haren for a few days, but Haren’s cost is going to be higher than Halladay.
They’ll get someone in the Jarrod Washburn mold most likely.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Whitlock only has one emotion these days; pissed off. Take it from someone who spent the 10 years after my father’s death angry at everybody; it’s not healthy.
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I LOVE that screen grab, Hernia.
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Seay had been throwing pretty well all year. That was only the second HR he has given up all year, and the first to a lefty. Bad timing to be sure, but Seay has been solid.
Now if you would have put Zumaya up for President…
July 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
What's ironic about the Francoeur play is that Ryan Church made an error in right field last night for the Braves. Both teams really did trade shit for shit.Yeah but we got the younger shit. Gotcha!
/Mets will always suck as long as I’m alive