The Lions finished 0-16 last season, the worst record in NFL history and a fitting piece de resistance for forty-six years of failure under the Ford ownership.  Some might call their losing “epic,” but that would imply there was a story.  The Lions’ season had neither drama nor interest.  They were neither cursed nor compelling.  They were, simply, demonstrably worse than every team they opposed.  It was not a year to relive.

By the Numbers: In an inept NFC North, the Lions scored 107 points fewer and allowed 137 points more than the other teams.  They ranked 30th in the NFL in total offense and 32nd in total defense.  They stunk.  Detroit’s Jason Hanson did lead the NFL in field goal accuracy last year, though the team tied for last with just 21 attempts.

Iconic Moment: Thanksgiving Day, Detroit played the Tennessee Titans.  The son of a season-ticket holder, I sat in the stands.  Fans started leaving in the first quarter.  Not all of them were avoiding Jesse McCartney’s halftime show.  Ford Field’s chicken fingers showed a surprising depth and flavor.  The Lions?  Not so much.

Taking Responsibility: Rather than a deserving organization-wide seppuku, Detroit’s front office had more promotions than firings.  The Lions promoted Martin Mayhew – with the Lions since 2001 and Assistant GM since 2004 – to GM.  Either he was involved intimately in the Millen fiasco, or hadn’t the conviction to stop it.  Either way, that should have disqualified him.

staffordkegThe Draft: The conventional would say that football begins at the line of scrimmage.  The Lions have no credit to buck convention.  They had three first round picks, in a draft rife with offensive and defensive line talent.  Instead, they picked a can-miss quarterback, a tight end and a small-college safety.  Detroit gave Matthew Stafford a $78 million contract, with a record $41.7 million guaranteed.  He seems to be enjoying it so far.  These moves would be risky, if Ford held cronies accountable.

Homecoming: Detroit upgraded at linebacker,.  Former MSU star and five-time Pro Bowl selection Julian Peterson came via trade with Seattle.  They also signed Detroit native, Michigan All-American and two-time Super Bowl champion Larry Foote to a one-year deal.  Combined with the master of over-pursuit Ernie Sims, this gives them the best Lions’ linebacking crew since the Chris Spielman era, which does not say much.

Scoring: The Lions won’t be doing it. If Stafford sees time, most of it will be on his back, as the offensive line remains as stiff and predictable as a new Life of Reilly® column.  Jeff Backus is so slow at left tackle, defensive ends run by him untouched.  The line allowed 52 sacks last season, second most in the NFL, despite playing many games where teams stopped blitzing out of mercy.  If the line can hold, Kevin Smith is an adequate half-back, and they have weapons if Pettigrew turns into a viable tight end.  Calvin Johnson should rack up fantasy numbers with Detroit throwing in meaningless blowouts.  Despite peripheral talent, the offensive line will ruin them.

Stopping: Detroit will defend better.  They should plug the run with an effective trio of linebackers and big defensive tackles.  The Lions, however, have a weak pass rush and mediocre corners, leaving them vulnerable in the air.  They can react, but don’t have the talent to dictate action.  The key will be rookie safety Louis Delmas.  The Lions compared him to Ed Reed, Bob Sanders and Troy Polamalu.  They need him to make plays like them immediately.  No pressure, kid.

Schedule: The Lions drew an easy schedule.  The problem is that the soft portion does not come until Week 8.  Before their bye week, the Lions travel to New Orleans, Chicago and Green Bay and they host Minnesota, Washington and Pittsburgh.  They could easily be non-factors by November.  Even when it gets soft, the Lions must face San Francisco, Seattle and Cincinnati on the road, making them more formidable. If he does not open the season, expect Stafford to make his first start at home against the Rams Nov. 1.

Prediction: The Lions have a new coach and a bitchin’ new logo that’s fierce.  They also have the same brain trust and the same roster that went winless.  The over/under for Lions wins is 5.  Don’t walk.  Sprint to your nearest bookie to bet the under.

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