Since NBA games begin in a few hours, this is probably the last NBA All-Star post we’ll be doing – excluding Pacman Jones and his strip club incident, of course. We figured the best way to cap off the coverage was to do a little compare and contrast between Bill Simmons’ 8,000 word opus on all the fun he had in Vegas, and Jason Whitlock’s ‘Sin City was a war-zone’ column.

Simmons used the ace up his sleeve – ESPN’s cozy relationship with the NBA – to get some face-time with NBA commish David Stern. Agree: Simmons was smart to drive from LA as opposed to fly. Disagree: Lauren Graham of ‘Gilmore Girls’ is definitely not ‘sneaky hot,’ she’s just hot. (As for Meadow Soprano – like many girls, when you’ve this social butterfly out a few times, you become immune to her hotness and she stops emanating hotness. However, when your friend meets her for the first time, he’s blown away and raves about her for months.)

Simmons touches upon all the weed and violence that went down, but – and perhaps he was hamstrung, who knows – he elects to spend more time talking gambling than mayhem … which is where Whitlock scored points. We will say this – it is one of the first Simmons columns that we read from start to finish without getting up or clicking away – so he did something right. One last agreement: Hard Rock is the best hotel in Vegas. We recommend a Sunday by the pool – sitting in a cabana looking at all the strippers cavorting on their day off. Great fun.

While Simmons made you feel like you were running with him from Pure to his hotel to change shoes, Whitlock put you in the action as if it were truly dangerous. These few lines may be the funniest we’ve ever read from the guy: “Vegas police were simply overwhelmed along The Strip. They were there solely for decoration and to discourage major crimes. Beyond that, they minded their own business. I was there. Walking The Strip this weekend must be what it feels like to walk the yard at a maximum security prison. You couldn’t relax. You avoided eye contact. The heavy police presence only reminded you of the danger. Without a full-scale military occupation, New Orleans will not survive All-Star Weekend 2008.”

Agree: The French Quarter will not survive Suge Knight’s posse. Disagree: You can’t take the All-Star game to China. Though we don’t read him regularly, this may be the best thing we’ve read from Whitlock.

Welcome to Hip-Hop Woodstock (ESPN.com)
Mayhem Main Event at NBA All-Star Weekend (AOL Sports)

Can anyone answer why didn’t Yahoo, Sportsline, or Sports Illustrated didn’t produce these kinds of wrap-up pieces? Guys, you’re writing for the net. You’ve got bandwidth to burn, and the rules can be bent. If either of the other big sites did have a recap, and we missed it, feel free to send it along.