2009 NFL Previews: Houston Texans
2009 NFL Previews, NFL, Video September 2nd. 2009, 1:15pm
Last season – They started 0-4, but finished 8-8. Steve Slaton had a promising rookie campaign and Mario Williams came into his own. Unfortunately, this is all anyone remembers from the ‘08 Texans.
Quarterbacks - Matt Schaub is the oft-injured starter. He missed 5 games in each of the last 2 seasons. His backups are the boundry-disrespecting Dan Orlovsky and The Sex Cannon, Rex Grossman. This is easily the most talented and dangerous group of QB’s West of Philadelphia.
Cheerleaders – They have them.
Offense – Andre Johnson is really really really really good. Steve Slaton might also have multiple reallys in his description at some point. Kevin Walter is the scrappy #2 receiver. (Racist?) They also have Pro Bowler Owen Daniels at TE. Daniels is more “good” than “scrappy” because he plays Tight End. They’re a talented bunch. If the offensive line puts it together and protects their glass quarterback, they’re going to be dangerous instead of just fun to watch.
Beer – The Texans are there for their fans – To get drunk, at least. The organization shrunk the cup size of their (always a bad move) and kept the prices the same this preseason. The fans weren’t happy and voiced their opinions. The Texans listened and went back to the bigger cups.
Defense - Mario Williams continues his evolution as he posted 14 sacks last season. Dude’s a monster. Brian Cushing was the first round pick out of USC and he’s won a starting job at outside linebacker. Daunte Robinson should be fully recovered from a knee injury from a couple years back. He and LB Demeco Ryans are both solid players. Don’t let all this positive talk confuse you though – this defense is full of busts and hackfrauds.
/glares at Amobi Okoye
Location – It’s in Texas. (I think the star means it’s part of Dallas.)
Kicker – Kris Brown kicks the ball like it was mouthing off to him from the passenger seat.
David Anderson likes Conan -
Prediction – Could Houston be the super sleeper that makes the leap this season!? They’re young and talented. With a healthy Matt Schaub, they have a top-tier offense. (Though I would kill to see Rex Grossman unleash the dragon with this offense.) Combine the O with an improved (but still fraudy!) defense and we could be looking at a playoff team.
Probably not though. The AFC South is tough, brother. I see 9 wins and an exclusion from the playoffs in their future. Don’t worry though Texans’ fans your time is coming. Someday.
NFC East: 2009 Dallas Cowboys Preview | 2009 Philadelphia Eagles Preview | 2009 New York Giants Preview | 2009 Washington Redskins Preview
NFC North: 2009 Chicago Bears Preview | 2009 Detroit Lions Preview | 2009 Minnesota Vikings Preview | 2009 Green Bay Packers Preview
NFL South: 2009 Tampa Bay Bucs Preview | 2009 Atlanta Falcons Preview | 2009 New Orleans Saints Preview | 2009 Carolina Panthers Preview
NFL West: 2009 San Francisco 49ers Preview | 2009 St. Louis Rams Preview | 2009 Arizona Cardinals Preview | 2009 Seattle Seahawks Preview
AFC East: 2009 New England Patriots Preview | 2009 New York Jets Preview | 2009 Buffalo Bills Preview | 2009 Miami Dolphins Preview
AFC North: 2009 Pittsburgh Steelers Preview | 2009 Baltimore Ravens Preview | 2009 Cleveland Browns Preview | 2009 Cincinnati Bengals Preview
AFC South: 2009 Tennessee Titans Preview | 2009 Indianapolis Colts Preview | 2009 Jacksonville Jaguars Preview
69 Responses to “2009 NFL Previews: Houston Texans”
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September 2nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
CRM always has that attention to detail he’s known for. Love the cheerleader, beer and location breakdowns-lol
t/j
those in Canada who like to smoke weed, better hide your stash…
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
duane brown is good. gruden told me so on MNF.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:21 pm
7-9
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
that was funny.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
too bad the Texans don’t have that sexy rocket scientist still cheering for them.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
i can’t believe CBS is going to make Houston-Jets the national game. i’m thinking it’ll be a 10-3 game. jets D isn’t bad, slaton is way overrated, and sanchez won’t be able to move the ball on that D.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:29 pm
CRM made what should have been a completely boring preview somewhat interesting.
/Let’s see you succede with the AFC West previews.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Peter King has the Texans at 10-6, winning the division. As a Texans fan, I’d say probably not.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
this defense is full of busts and hackfrauds.
Truth. 10-6 and the playoffs
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:37 pm
it’ll be a 10-3 game.
I read this and I got kind of sad, but then I realized that we’re going to beat the Jets by way more than that.
/Lance Harbor’d
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Peter King has the Texans at 10-6, winning the division. As a Texans fan, I’d say probably not.
Have you looked at the schedule? This team is better than last year and they play the NFC West and the AFC East. 10-6
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
All going back to what I said about the colts having an even tougher road to the playoffs the other day. This division is going to be very tough this year.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Schaub will go down for at least 3 games. 9-7
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Division is too tough. I think they are a good team, but Schaub gets hurt and this team will fall apart. 9-7 and miss out on playoffs.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I don’t know the Texans defense so far in preseason has looked ridiculously bad. We’re still thin at safety and at the other corner spot (why they haven’t stolen some of Dunta Robinson’s DNA and cloned him yet I’m not sure). Cushing should be good at LB because he has a ponytail and you don’t fuck with guys who have ponytails.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Needs more forced Kate Mara references.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
especially guys with ponytails who have been supposedly roiding since HS.
he’ll be good for a four gamer at some point.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I don’t know the Texans defense so far in preseason has looked ridiculously bad. We’re still thin at safety and at the other corner spot (why they haven’t stolen some of Dunta Robinson’s DNA and cloned him yet I’m not sure). Cushing should be good at LB because he has a ponytail and you don’t fuck with guys who have ponytails.
Key word in here is preseason, and they had one bad game. Also, Cushing had his head shaved during rookie hazing.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I haven’t looked but remember there’s a Thursday, Sunday night, and 2 Monday night games. Probably not a whole lot else to choose from.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I bet they finish 7-9 and win the division. Do I still have editing privileges?
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
This team is better than last year and they play the NFC West and the AFC East
Texans will beat the J-E-T-S. dont think they will beat NE. they have to travel to Buff in November, Buff will win that. they play in Miami as well. another loss
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
You leave Seagal out of this!
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Buff will win that.
Yeah right
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Key word in here is preseason, and they had one bad game. Also, Cushing had his head shaved during rookie hazing.
Damn, his powers are gone now.
You caught me, I haven’t been following the preseason very closely. I’m focused on my alma mater beating the shit out of Stephen F. Austin in Dallas this weekend.
Bottom line, for how much money we’ve spent on the D line, we should get better performance. Travis Johnson’s claim to fame is knocking out Trent Green with his knee, not getting hurt in the process, and then taunting Green’s passed out body afterward. Okoye’s claim to fame is that he has not yet wrested the nickname “The Nigerian Nightmare” from former Chiefs tailback Christian Okoye and that he’s young.
And safety is still thin.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I haven’t been in a fantasy league in 4 years and it showed. I drafted Shaub, Andre Johnson, AND Owen Daniels. If Houston doesn’t lead the league in passing, I’m f-cked.
10-6, wild card in playoffs.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Worked for the Redskins!
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:55 pm
peter king’s projections are out
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/football/nfl/09/01/main/index.html?eref=sihpT1
browns worst team in the league at 2-14
pats best team
jets 7-9
has the texans beating the colts for the division title
redskins last in the nfc east
has the bears winning the division
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
And safety is still thin.
That’s an understatement. I’ve never even heard of Eugene Wilson.
/mizerle’d
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
How are they going to do that with a QB who hasn’t had a winning season since HS?
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
he must die.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Travis Johnson’s claim to fame is knocking out Trent Green with his
We traded him to San Diego for a conditional 5th rounder.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
he must die.
Didn’t your preview have them going 4-12? or was it 6-10?
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
11-5. 5-1 in division
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
9-7,dont thin the def is that good. congrats on your first winning season, evahhh. no playoffs
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
6-10.
even 4-12 wouldn’t be that bad.
but 2-14? worse than KC, OAK and Detroit? that’s just a slap in the face.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Way to be, PK. Mike Greenberg has them going 10-6. (shocking I know)
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@TexansFan
I got selected yesterday, I ship to OCS in October. Hopefully commissioned in December.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
but 2-14? worse than KC, OAK and Detroit? that’s just a slap in the face.
Agreed. KC and Oakland will be the two worse teams in the league this year.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
love it. that will be a headline at some point.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Agreed. KC and Oakland will be the two worse teams in the league this year.
Has an OC ever been fired during the preseason?
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:04 pm
King says Buffalo will win 6 games. I predicted 5
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:04 pm
haha! well played, dirt.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:06 pm
do we have to do this again?
record isn’t a QB stat. it just isn’t. it never was, it never will be.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Location – It’s in Texas. (I think the star means it’s part of Dallas.)
Oooohhhh…them’s fightin’ words with the Houstonians! Haha!
And don’t let the talent fool you, this team is still all tease and no payoff.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Wait, what? I’m going to go Whitlock and say that we deserve an explanation for that one. 268/1282/9 as a rookie for a middle-of-the-pack team, what more do you want from the guy?
+infinity
There are 22 players on the field at all times. Teams win games, quarterbacks do not.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
We traded him to San Diego for a conditional 5th rounder.
Holy shit I’m completely behind. When did that happen? A 5th rounder? Jesus, talk about giving up on a player for the salary dump.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I think Monday but I could be wrong. Kubiak and Rick Smith gave up on him a long time ago IMO, and rightfully so. Guy was a bust
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Agreed, the only thing a QB can really do solely is lose games. Please see Rex Grossman.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:14 pm
maybe, but cutler still kind of sucks
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Kubiak and Rick Smith gave up on him a long time ago IMO, and rightfully so.
Agreed. So what does the DT depth chart look like now? Ryans gets so many tackles because he’s fast and we’re soft up the middle. Getting rid of a player from the middle, bust or not, for a conditional draft pick doesn’t exactly solve that problem in the short term.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
how the hell does he suck? please explain this to me, because whenever i watch him play, he’s jaw dropping.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Trent Dilfer and Mark Rypien’s Super Bowl rings both agree.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
wronger than two boys fucking in a chickenwire boat.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Getting rid of a player from the middle, bust or not, for a conditional draft pick doesn’t exactly solve that problem in the short term.
No it doesn’t, I think they’re really relying on Shaun Cody, Okoye, and Frank Okam. Which isn’t very promising.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
No – we’re not doing this again
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
jay cutler kind of sucks
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
So this is what gets Spence excited?
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
duder…that totally went over my head. my unabashed cutler mancrush got in the way.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
11-5, bitches.
Texans’ schedule is soft and the Titans/Colts are falling back to Earth this season. Plus, we own the Jaguars.
Non-division games include the Bungles, the rookie-QB’d Jets, the Raiders, the 49ers, the Bills and Rams. Those games should be 6+ easy wins. Only games to worry about are Week 17 v. Pats (but who knows… week 17 could be “rest the starters” week). The Cardinals are also on the schedule, but their pass D is worse than Houston’s.
so, yeah, 11-5.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Were you referring to this?
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Duder beat me to it.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:25 pm
11-5, bitches.
Texans’ schedule is soft and the Titans/Colts are falling back to Earth this season. Plus, we own the Jaguars.
Non-division games include the Bungles, the rookie-QB’d Jets, the Raiders, the 49ers, the Bills and Rams. Those games should be 6+ easy wins. Only games to worry about are Week 17 v. Pats (but who knows… week 17 could be “rest the starters” week). The Cardinals are also on the schedule, but their pass D is worse than Houston’s.
so, yeah, 11-5.
Wow a Texans fan more optimistic than me, I’m impressed.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:25 pm
why couldn’t Jay Cutler QB go by like, J. Cutler? it would’ve made google searches so much easier.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
No it doesn’t, I think they’re really relying on Shaun Cody, Okoye, and Frank Okam. Which isn’t very promising.
I feel like my dreams of the Texans being a defensive force to go along with an awesome, Matt Schaub fueled offense are crumbling before my very eyes. 7-9, last in the South. Pass me the scotch.
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Ironically enough both Cutler’s use needles, just one a 21 gauge and the other a 27-28 err I mean MuscleTech…
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
lol…muscletech.
jay cutler uses this $50/2 lb jar of protein powder and look how huge he got!!!
/most overpriced bunk ever
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:55 pm
I’m not buying Schaub, always hurt, and pretty much sucks even when healthy. Luckily for the Texans QB’s have no impact on the outcome of football games, 16-0 baby.
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I got selected yesterday, I ship to OCS in October. Hopefully commissioned in December.
Hakeem: congrats. be safe
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
10-6, poor man’s version of the ‘03 and ‘04 Colts. Super offense, suspect defense, but with a worse QB and No. 2 receiver than those Colts team had. Should finish second in the AFC South, though.