Twins 2, Yankees 8: What’s the over/under on number of home runs Alex Rodriguez hits this season? Fifty? Sixty? He jacked his MLB-leading fifth in the victory. We still think that if he whiffs with the bases loaded next week in the bottom of the ninth, the boo-birds will bubble up and drown out all these cheers.

San Diego 1, San Francisco 0: We’ve got nothing against these types of pitching duels as long as we’ve got the winning pitcher. And we had Matt Cain, who was brilliant in defeat, allowing one hit and one run in seven innings. That geriatric offense is going nowhere this season, and at 1-6, the masses are flocking to the Golden Gate Bridge.

White Sox 4, Athletics 1: Remember when you got angry when we claimed Jermaine Dye, among others, gave this offense an old look? Well Dye’s off to a blazing start - 2-for-20 with one RBI. So how old is 33 in basball years? Fortunately, Jose Contreras lives!

Arizona 3, Cincinnati 2: The Reds left 16 on base and Orlando Hudson hit the game-winning homer in the 8th as the Diamondbacks won their fifth straight to improve to 6-2. We’re just waiting for Carlos Quentin to return to the lineup, because our fantasy outfield is hurting.

Texas 8, Tampa bay 4: First win for Brandon McCarthy, and we’ve still got a sneaky suspicion that he’ll win 15 games and keep the Rangers in contention in the meek AL West. Also, it’s nice to see John Kruk (bring back Harold Reynolds!) is still butchering the English language.