pigsplosion11Week 1 of the NFL season was an entertaining 1.We had a few spectacular plays and some great games. One of my friends had the free preview of NFL Ticket, so my roommate and I went over to watch the second half(s) of the early games. That meant I was one of the 12 people actually watching the end of the Broncos-Bengals game. I have to tell you, it was just as rewarding as seeing the replay on SportsCenter.

I was really happy for Gus Johnson. He got stuck working that shitty game between two shitty teams, but it ended with a spectacular play that I think he got excited about. Who can tell with that guy?

Anyway, the late afternoon games came on and boy did they suck. Every team that you would possibly want to see played at 1pm. 4:15 rolled around and it was the Giants and the NFC West. Guh. We decided to head to the bar. We’d had a couple and walked down to the local watering hole. Unfortunately, it was chock full of Giants fans. No thanks.

We had a quick beer and walked to the next bar. (Don’t worry, this is all within a block.) The bar we settled in has a pasta night. That’s right, a pub with an endless pasta bowl. There was also a guy wearing a Patrick Willis jersey. As we were getting ready to leave, my buddy says to me “I’ll see ya later” and started to stumble towards the door. Somehow he got housed while no one was looking. He ended up leaning in his door and yelling at his girlfriend for starting to cook dinner without him. Why am I tell you all this? I don’t know, but I started writing it and decided I needed to finish that story. What was the point?

The NFC West bores me? I guess that’s the theme. Moving on.

Pigsplosive Video of Week 2:

Did I ever mention how hard it is to find clips of pigs or pig heads being blown up? If you happen to stumble on one, please send it along to alumnigonzo@gmail.com. Remember gang, the Pigsplosion is a team effort. You want to be part of the team, don’t you?

The Jake Delhomme Memorial Fraud of the Week Award:

Every week I’m going to pick the biggest fraud from the previous week. This prestigious award was named after the dearly departed, Jake Delhomme. Jake was a promising young quarterback at one point in his life. Now, he’s dead. At least to the fans, anyway.

Jay Cutler ladies and gentlemen! 17-36, 277 yards, 1 TD and 4 interceptions! What a line. I’m sure he’ll get Johnny Knox to the Pro Bowl very soon.

The Ben Roethlisberger Game Manager of the Week Award:

Sometimes you just need a guy to hike the ball to for 3 and a half quarters who won’t completely kill you. Then, when its time to rise to the occasion, that player steps up and dinks and dunks his team to an impressive 13-24 points. When you lead your team to victory by doing little besides protecting the football, throwing 20 times a game (mostly on passes under 10 yards) and just being a hell of a game manager, you can safely say that you’ve “Roethlisberger’d the shit out of that game.”

Aaron Rodgers went 17-28 for 177 yards and a touchdown. He did what his team needed him to do on Sunday night. Basically, he needed to be better than Jay Cutler. Mission: Accomplished.

keeley_hazell_bikini_shoot_hot_two_9The “Is Drew Brees Married?” Pointless Hot Chick of the Week:

He is married and he’s also allergic to dairy, wheat, gluten and eggs. Who cares though? The guy threw 6 effing touchdown passes last week. SIX! He’s on pace for just over a thousand this year.

This week’s pointless hot chick that really has nothing to do with anything is Keeley Hazell. The picture is from her new 2010 calender. It’s not the kind of calender that you buy if you need to write down appointments.

Picksplosion’em

I went 10-6 last week. It wasn’t spectacular, but it was good enough for a 14-way tie for 8th place in my Pick’em league brought to me by Bodog. If I win a week, Toys For Tots gets $250.(A bunch more for the season winner.)

That’s right, Toys For Tots was my charity of choice. After seeing that little girl throw her dad’s foul ball back, I’m thinking about change it though. Kids aren’t that great. Anyway, the leader is only up 2 games. After 1 week, I’m still in this!

ATLANTA (-6.5) over Carolina

Ho-ly shit. What more can you say about Jake Delhomme? He’s had a bolded category named after him. Can you sink any lower? The Falcons on the other hand, look like they’re continuing right where the left off last year. Good for them.

WASHINGTON (-10.5) over St. Louis

The Redskins aren’t what I would call world beaters, but the Rams might really really really suck. At least the Lions showed some life last week.

Houston (+7.5) TENNESSEE

Everyone’s favorite sleeper lost their home opener. To the Jets. Still, I think they can somehow stay close this week. I don’t know how. Thank God this isn’t really money I’m playing with. Poor kids.

New England (-5.5) over J-E-T-S

Come on. One good ass-kicking. Please? I’m mostly rooting for this because Tom Brady is on my fa… No one cares? Fine. How about Ben Watson on Monday? When was the last time he did anything? He already has as many touchdowns this year as he had in 14 games last season.

New Orleans (Pick’em) over PHILADELPHIA

Finally, we get to see Kevin Kolb start for Philly. This is the quarterback everyone was hoping to see under center all pre-season.

Oakland (+3.5) over KANSAS CITY

What is it about the teams in the West divisions? AFC, NFC, XFL, AFL – They all suck.

Arizona (+4.5) over JACKSONVILLE

Just because the Cardinals are going to finish with 6 wins, doesn’t mean they can’t keep teams close and ugly. Update: I switched this pick late Friday night and I’m going with the Jags.

GREEN BAY (-9.5) over Cincinnati

Alright, Mr. Rodgers, let’s get this train rolling.

Minnesota (-9.5) over DETROIT

The Vikings, my new favorite team to root against. It would be great to see Purple Jesus break the rushing record (Way too early to even talk, I know.) and have the team miss the playoffs because of untimely picks.

BUFFALO (-4.5) over Tampa Bay

Here’s hoping those kids left Leodis McKelvin’s yard. (Still funny)

Pittsburgh (-3.5) over CHICAGO

Welcome to hell Cutler.

Seattle (+1.5) over SAN FRANCISCO

So who is the most decent team in the NFC West!? Heart be still.

Baltimore (+3.5) over SAN DIEGO

Joe Flacco threw for 300 yards for the first time in his career last week. Yes, it was against the Chiefs, but you never know.

Cleveland (+3.5) over DENVER

Cripple fight!

Giants (+3.5) over DALLAS

Another 20-14 boring win for the Giants.

MIAMI (+3.5) over Indianapolis

How good are the Falcons and Jaguars? Gonzalez is out for up to 2 months. Better ask Cap Rooney about this game.