looks_like_funToronto 8, Boston 7: Adam Lind jacked three homers and Aaron Hill added another, as the Blue Jays ruined Boston’s chance to celebrate a Wild Card berth … early in the night. The Red Sox hung around the clubhouse until the Angels defeated the Rangers, and that secured their spot in the postseason. So they celebrated for 30 minutes … but no media was allowed to revel in the madness (the ink-stained wretches were given pizza at 1 am, though!). So there won’t be any champagne-fueled scenes like we’ve seen in New York or Anaheim this week. No video of TV reporters getting dosed with alcohol. And that’s a shame. We all lose.

Detroit 6, Minnesota 5: The pathetic Tigers bullpen, which caved in the 10th in game one, survived a couple tense moments in the nightcap. Curtis Granderson let a flyball go over his head, allowing a run to come in, but Fernando Rodney got the next out to end the game. The Tigers now lead the AL Central by two games. The mighty Joe Mauer is only 5-for-19 in his last five games. The biggest question: Where were the fans in Detroit last night?

heidi-strobel

Cincinnati 7, St. Louis 2: Joel Piniero is a cocksucker. In what was his worst or second worst start of the season, Piniero picked up his 12th loss of the season by permitting seven runs (three homers) in six innings. Jay Bruce homered twice for the Reds.

Tampa 3, Baltimore 1: That’s 12 straight losses for the Orioles. Have we told the story about a friend of a friend who went to Camden Yards way back when with the hope of hooking up with Mike Mussina? When security told her he was married, she had to settle for Brady Anderson (whom she had never heard of). A groupie’s way to the baseball player’s heart – through security. The 17 Rays fans who were geeked about the World Series last year will have to find something else to do this October.

San Diego 3, Los Angeles 1: That’s three losses in a row for the Dodgers. Manny Ramirez is hitting .235 in the month of September. We’re thinking Yankees and Cardinals in the World Series? We’d much prefer the Phillies or Dodgers, though.

“Spank it” girl is supposedly Heidi Strobel, the wife of Cole Hamels.