pigsplosionAfter Sunday, we’re kind of, sort of a quarter of the way through the regular season. It’s okay, I’m fighting back tears too. Let’s not let the rapid passing of this magical season get us down though. This is a tremendous week of football. There is an absolute prime-time-worthy match up in each of the major NFL time slots this weekend.

1pm – Ravens @ Patriots
4pm – Jets @ Saints
8:15pm – Chargers @ Steelers
Mon 8:30pm – Packers @ Vikings

That’s 10 straight hours of good quality football right there. This isn’t like the first few weeks where you were relegated to NFC West match ups in the late afternoon. The NFL scheduling Gods have really brought the heat here. And it’s all capped off with BRETTFAVREBRETTFAVREBRETTFA… *coughs* Excuse me. It’s capped off with a huge NFC North rivalry game with more subplots than a Tyler Perry movie.  (I don’t know if that means anything.)

I’m really looking forward to this weekend. Last weekend was a fog and I don’t think I could have properly handled so many consecutive hours of amazing football on Sunday. I started Friday with a Beer and Wing Festival then spent Saturday afternoon at Oktoberfest. By 7pm I was rolling around on my lawn trying to trick some of my friends into thinking I was hiding in the trunk of a car. Rare form my friends.

No such activities are on the horizon as I type this so I think I might be able to do some of my weekend drinking on Sunday during the games which is always a treat. I might go out and pick up a 12-pack of Sam Adams Oktoberfest and order some wings and ‘za. Anybody want to come over? No? That’s cool.

Bye Week Debut!
Woo! Maybe the most exciting aspect of the season is the bye-week. It seems like the bye-week always comes at a great time for a team. This week, the Eagles, Falcons, Panthers and Cardinals all have a bye. With that in mind, let’s take a look at the fantasy impact with an assist from The Hazean. Haze suggests some possible plug-in players for the first bye-week and to his credit, he didn’t include JaMarcus Russell.

The one suggestion I will definitely back is the Bengals’ Defense. They’re matched up against the Browns. Seems like a good call to me. If you’re kicker is sitting you can pick up the Ravens’ kicker… Steven Hauschka. He attended Middlebury College in Vermont where he kicked for 3 years. (He was drafted out of NC State where he attended Grad school.)  I don’t think I need to tell you that Vermont is not a hot-bed for NFL talent. Even for kickers.

PINK
You’ll probably see a lot of pink over the next month as the NFL supports the fight against breast cancer. Its obviously a great cause and it should help Patriots’ fans fit in a little better. Ohcocinco will be sporting more pink than most.

Pigsplosive Video of Week 4
This week’s video is of an actual pigskin blowing up. What does this video lack that almost all previous pigsplosive videos possessed? Alcohol. If you go back and watch the old videos, just about any video that isn’t animated shows beer bottles and/or cans in the vicinity of the explosion. The lesson, as always, is that drinking gives you kick ass ideas. Also, if any readers want to create their own videos of pigs exploding and upload them to the YouTubes, I would definitely feature it here. I know I’m supposed to discourage that kind of activity, but come on. What’s the worst that could happen?

The Jake Delhomme Memorial Fraud of the Week Award
Is JaMarcus Russell the worst #1 pick in history? Or is he the worst quarterback in history? Or – let me blow your mind for a quick moment – is he both!? 12-21 for 61 yards and 2 picks. That’s less than 3 yards per attempt. The Raiders would be a better offensive team if Russell just did a QB sneak every time a pass play was called.

The Ben Roethlisberger Game Manager of the Week Award
Drew Brees. DREW BREES!?!? What? Drew Brees is a gun-slinger. He’s having fun out there! How can he go 16-29 for 172 and no scores? He’s the second-coming of Tomathy Bahstan Brady! I don’t get it, but New Orleans gained 222 of their 278 yards on the ground and won by 20 so who am I to question their quarterback?

gemma_atkinson_loaded_2The “Is Drew Brees Married?” Pointless Hot Chick of the Week
While this feature doesn’t really apply to a quarterback that doesn’t throw for a single touchdown – *clears throat* *glares at Drew Brees* – I will still post the picture you’re probably looking at right now instead of reading this. It’s a an old PM Roundup regular, Gemma Atkinson. If no one is around, feel free to click to enlarge.

Picksplosion’em
Last week: 8-8
Overall: 24-24

I am as mediocre as one can possibly be. The lines are provided by Bodog sports book. At least they were the odds on Tuesday. They may have shifted. I assume you’ll take that into consideration when placing your wagers.

CHICAGO (-11.5) over Detroit
Call me crazy, but I think the Lions are ready to put it all together and go on a run ending in a wild card berth.

HOUSTON (-9.5) over Oakland
Jamarcus Russell is so bad I’m picking the Texans even though a third of the team has #hamAids. I just hope its not Andre Johnson.

Tennessee (-2.5) over JACKSONVILLE
As far as the Titans are concerned, this is the mustest-winest game in the history of must-win games.

Giants (-9.5) over KANSAS CITY
Did I ever tell you about the time Matt Cassel…

Baltimore (+3.5) over NEW ENGLAND
The number 1 scoring offense in the AFC belongs to the Ravens. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that. Who the hell taught Joe Flacco how to blink and turn his head?

INDIANAPOLIS (-10.5) over Seattle
A lot of truth is said in jest so I should have known better than to pick against Peyton in a night game last week. Even though this one takes place under the natural lights of the Lucas Oil Stadium, I’ve learned my lesson. Now watch the Colts win 44-34. I will throw something at Cap Rooney. I don’t care if he’s a first-ballot Sharks’ HOFer.

gemma_atkinson_loaded_3Tampa Bay (+7.5) over WASHINGTON
Cripple Fight of the Week!

Cincinnati (-4.5) over CLEVELAND
The famed “Battle of Ohio.” Will the Browns score double-figures? The anticipation is killing me.

Buffalo (-1.5) over MIAMI
The Bills can put some distance between themselves and the basement. Ha! OVER CHAD HENNE’S DEAD BODY! At least that better be his attitude because Tyler Thigpen is ready to hump the city of Miami into submission.

NEW ORLEANS (-6.5) over Jets
Interesting fact about Mark Sanchez: His first name isn’t “Matt.”

DENVER (+3.5) over Dallas
Finally, Matt McBriar can put some leg into his punts.

St. Louis (+10.5) over SAN FRANSISCO
The 49ers are 1 Brett Favre away from being 3-0.

San Diego (+5.5) over PITTSBURGH
I can’t believe how bad the non-Ben-Roethlisberger-Steelers have been this season. They are the frauds.

Green Bay (+3.5) over MINNESOTA
This will probably be the most you hear about this game.