Peter King has his Fine Fifteen, ESPN has its own composite power rankings, and the legendary Dr. Z’s weekly power rankings were a must-read until he was stricken silent by a stroke last year. So, why can’t TBL get in on the fun? Here’s the fourth installment of the 2009 NFL in-season power rankings, brought to you by Moleman’s House of Squat Racks:

1. New York Giants (4-0): If I’d told you before the season that through four games the Giants would be averaging 26 points a game and Eli Manning would have a 104 QB rating, would you have believed me? Really, you would’ve?

2. Indianapolis Colts (4-0): Yes, we’re all excited about the surprisingly significant contributions of first- and second-year receivers Austin Collie and Pierre Garcon in the wake of Anthony Gonzalez’s week one knee injury. But maybe we should take a cue from Peyton Manning: “We just have to kind of take it step by step before we crown them quite yet. Sometimes we have to control you guys from blowing the egos up a little bit. It’s a learning process.”

gabrielle-union-and-darren-sharper3: New Orleans Saints (4-0): Who knew the signing of an aging safety would prove to be the biggest free agent move of the 2009 season? The Saints, apparently. Darren Sharper’s currently returning 86 percent of all passes thrown his way for touchdowns (he caught more Mark Sanchez than a condom) and Jason David was last seen on a train headed toward Oblivion, Ala. Things are good on the Bayou. Up next: a bye, then the Giants. NFC Championship preview?

4. Minnesota Vikings (4-0): The Vikings got through the Favre in a Cell Packers game hoopla that had been building for nearly 18 months, and now they’re driving the NFC North bus, with the Rams and Bills on tap next. I was just going to type “Brett Favre” a bunch of times, but TBL stole my idea. Bastard.

5. New England Patriots (3-1): Rodney Harrison wants Tom Brady to “take his skirt off.” Is there a football analyst alive who doesn’t want to get in Brady’s pants? In other news, the once-again gritty Patriots held off the Flying (Never, Ever Running) Flaccos in Foxboro. Looking at the Patriots’ schedule, it’s highly possible we could be headed for a 7-1 Pats at 8-0 Colts matchup in November. Hide the kids, it’s Armageddon II.

6. Baltimore Ravens (3-1): Were those roughing the passer penalties a little Frou Frou? Yes, but they weren’t the reasons the Ravens came up short. The Ravens’ offense outplayed the Patriots’, but Flacco & Friends turned it over twice to the Pats’ once. F&F were also only on the field for 25 minutes (maybe a 50/20 pass to run ratio is to blame?). Even the ageless Ray Ponce de Lewis gets tired every now and then.

7. New York Jets (3-1): Steve Mariucci with the quote of the weekend: “We saw some diapers today.” He declined to comment on the weight in said diapers.

8. Denver Broncos (4-0): Yeah, we’re still not sure how good they are, as the Doncos’ 4-0 start has that “mirage” feel to it. But when you’re unbeaten and you’ve only allowed 26 points all season, you deserve at least a little respect, don’t you? With the Patriots, Chargers and Ravens up next, now’s probably the best time to hand it out.

9. San Francisco 49ers (3-1): Patrick Willis is the best defensive player in the NFL. Try to argue this and I’ll show up at the nearest bar at noon, watch 12 straight college football games, run up a huge tab, claim some scraps off the dance floor, then write about it. Do you dare?

jay-cutler-dated-one-of-these-sisters10. Chicago Bears (3-1): The Bears have some issues in their secondary, as evidenced by Matt Stafford’s 296 yards passing through 3.5 quarters Sunday. And they were only 2-for-10 on third down against the Lions. But Matt Forte and the running game rose from the dead to post 151 yards on 20 carries. If the Bears have a credible ground attack AND Jay Cutler? (Trembles.)

11. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2): It’s 11:14 and Al Michaels is still babbling that Rashard Mendenhall’s “benching” was the catalyst for his breakout game against the Chargers. Nevermind the Chargers’ defensive line (minus Jamal Williams) is a sieve, Shawne Merriman has THREE tackles on the year and the Bolts give up 140 yards a game on the ground. Those immature jabs at the media’s Steeler suckling aside, the second-year Illiniwek’s mix of speed and power is impressive. See ya, Slow Willie.

12. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1): FYI: “The McRib consists of a boneless pork patty, barbecue sauce, onions and pickles served on a 6-inch (15.2 cm) roll. The patty is precooked, frozen and later reheated. When first introduced, packets of a special McRib barbecue sauce called “Blazing Hot Sauce” were available with the sandwich. This sauce was much hotter than the barbecue sauce on the prepared sandwich and was only available for a short time. When the McRib was brought back as a “specialty” sandwich, the sesame seed roll was often replaced with a standard hamburger bun; this was sometimes called the McRib Jr.”

13. Cincinnati Bengals (3-1): Okay, so we have a last-minute loss to an undefeated Broncos team, a last-minute win over a credible Packers team, a last-minute win over a resurgent Steelers team and a last-last-last-minute win over one of the worst teams ever assembled by man. The Bengals appear formidable, but they’re not going to blow anyone out, or get blown out. They’re a heart attack in a helmet.

14. Atlanta Falcons (2-1): TBL may be obsessed with the San-chise’s status as a matinee idol, but shouldn’t he give Matt Ryan a little side action? Look at those pecs! That smile!

15. San Diego Chargers (2-2): Things certainly looked bleak at 28-0 Sunday night. And while those quick fourth-quarter scoring drives and respectable 38-28 final might assuage some Chargers’ fans fears, the fact remains this defense is in shambles. Antonio Cromartie looks lost, Merriman has been ineffective, and their long-underrated defensive MVP is on IR. Could the mighty Football Outsiders have been wrong about this team?

16: Green Bay Packers (2-2): Wh-wh-wh-at are you? I’m Packman.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2): It seems that this team that played the Colts to the wire in week one might actually be, you know, kinda good? And what’s a Mike Sims-Walker?

18. Dallas Cowboys (2-2): Blame Romo, blame the coach, blame the owner, blame the offensive line, blame the tackling – blame it all, because somewhere in Texas a sports talk radio caller has already beaten you to the punch.

19. Houston Texans (2-2): Steve Slaton scored a TD Sunday, his first on the season. But he still has four fumbles on the year and just a 3.3 yards-per-carry average. Sometimes, TBL is just talking out of his ass (Transformers, Entourage, Kelly Pickler), but maybe when he spoke up about Slaton we should’ve listened?

brenda-kurt-warner20. Arizona Cardinals (1-2): Here’s hoping Kurt Warner spent his bye week popping loads of kidney-destroying anti-inflammatories like the QB on the departed ESPN series Playmakers. Jesus alone won’t keep him upright for 13 more games. But I bet some L. Ron Hubbard would upgrade Warner’s E-meter readings.

21. Miami Dolphins (1-3): Chad Henne was 14 of 22 for 115 yards and a score in his first NFL start, a 38-10 home romp over the Bills. Big week for the former UM triplets, with Henne’s victory, Mario Manningham catching a 43-yard pass and Mike Hart graduating to the Colts’ active roster. Over/under on Pro Bowls from this group: one.

22. Detroit Lions (1-3): Relax, Lions fans, all signs point to Stafford making the start Sunday against the Steelers. Wait – against the Steelers? Oy, gevalt!

23. Washington Redskins (2-2): In the dictionary next to “uninspiring win” sits a screen grab from when the game clock hit 0:00 Sunday as the Redskins downed the Bucs. Jason Campbell’s future, discuss…

24. Seattle Seahawks (1-3): Poor Seneca Wallace was sacked five times and stripped twice Sunday. On the plus side, he racked up over 100 meaningless passing yards and a TD run once the Seahawks fell behind by 31 in the fourth quarter. Fantasy football fever – wear it, suck on it.

25. Buffalo Bills (1-3): The T.O. explosion/implosion/pigsplosion/some type of plosion is coming. Hopefully, CRM will do the right thing and rename the weekly NFL preview after it.

vince_young_drunk26. Tennessee Titans (0-4): At a certain point (and we’ve reached that point), what you did last season no longer applies and you are what your record says you are. The Titans’ record says they suck. Right now,that’s hard to argue.

27. Carolina Panthers (0-3): You don’t play, you can’t lose. Sweet deal for the Jake Delhere’stheballs. Jeff Garcia’s still looking for a job. Just sayin’.

28. Oakland Raiders (1-3): Their QB is terrible, their defense is terrible, their coach is going to jail - just another day at The Hotel, as Mike Lombardi fondly likes to refer to the Raiders. The NFL must have some bad teams if this Raiders squad isn’t the favorite to claim the number one overall pick.

29. Tampa Bay Buccaneeers (0-4): Why don’t the Bucs just hire Mike Leach and make a de sex? He hearts pirates, Tampa Bay’s averaging 13 points per game, is this not a love story waiting to be told? O/T: a love story NOT waiting to be told.

30. Kansas City Chiefs (0-4): Larry Johnson, who recently signed an endorsement deal with this nascent company, has carried 72 times for 189 yards this season. His backup, Jamaal Charles, has carried 12 times for 68 yards. Not to go all Captain Obvious on Todd Haley, but – wha?

31. Cleveland Browns (0-4): They were two, maybe three, feet away from a tie Sunday. For the Chocolate Logs, that’s progress.

32. St. Louis Rams (0-4): The Rams are currently the worst watch in the NFL – and it’s not close. Fox should air a “parental discretion advised” caveat before each of their games. I’d rather watch Kathy Bates nude scenes on repeat than Kyle Boller play football for three hours.