pigsplosion11It’s unfair that Rush Limbaugh got kicked out of the group that was trying to buy the Rams. I don’t agree with his politics, but he met the one qualification for owning something – he has money. He wasn’t even a majority owner. Just a person who wanted to own part of a professional franchise. Can you fault the guy for that? Besides, owning the Rams is more of a punishment than anything else. If you dislike Rush Limbaugh, wouldn’t you want him to have to sit through Rams’ games?

Falcon: From here on out, I will take the same approach to the balloon family that I now take to Brett Favre. I will only talk about them if there is a quality joke to be made. Otherwise, I won’t be acknowledging their existence or bitching about the media saturation. Especially when whatever television show they were hoping to get comes to fruition. There will be no one to blame but ourselves if this becomes a “hit.” I’d rather you go see Couples Retreat. Question: What kind of an asshole do you have to be to name your child Falcon? Answer: The biggest.

Bye Week: Cowboys, Colts, Dolphins, 49ers
The Hazean was down this morning when I went to look for handy plug-and-plays, but I’m going to assume he suggested Kevin Kolb. “Isn’t Donovan McNabb back?” you ask. Yes, he is, but the Eagles are playing the Raiders and McNabb will probably get pulled midway through the first because the game is over. Other teams would sit on the ball, but Kevin Kolb only has one gear – KICKASS.

Pigsplosive Video of the Week

Shitty metal band I stumbled over looking for Pigsplosive video:
Nasty Pig Dick – I listened to this dreadful instrumental before bed last night. Needless to say I needed to polish off an 18-pack to fight off the fucking nightmares. A note to the kids at home – if you’re going to start a band, get a lead singer that actually sounds like he’s singing. Even the greatest screamers know how to belt it out when need be. Example..

See? One of the greatest voices of this generation. It’s like clouds are tickling my ears.

The Jake Delhomme Memorial Fraud of the Week Award:
I bet you didn’t see this coming – I’m going with Brady Quinn. Brady was drafted 22nd overall in the 2007 NFL draft. The guy he was backing up went 2-17 for 23 yards on Sunday. And he didn’t replace him. The only you could be considered a worse football player by your coach is to be the guy backing up JaMarcus Russell. Wait, people actually do back up JaMarcus Russell? Suicide prevention in Oakland is amazing.

Almost Real News:
There was a rumor a couple days ago that the Dolphins were trying to acquire the last semi-talented person the Cleveland Browns – Josh Cribbs. PFT debunked the rumor last night. I have to say, I’m kind of disappointed. Acquiring another live body would have meant the Dolphins were really going for it. They played and beat a decent Jets squad last week and are only a game out of first in the AFC East. Who knows what one more good player could do for them. You rarely see a team on the cusp make a big trade near the deadline.

The Ben Roethlisberger Game Manager of the Week Award:
Derek Anderson went 2-17 for 23 yards and a score, but his team won. All he had to do was… Damn. I don’t know what else he could have done to lose the game. High school quarterbacks that run the option throw for more yards.

ashley_greene_mens_fitness_5The “Is Drew Brees Kyle Orton Married?” Pointless Hot Chick of the Week:
Ashley Greene… She’s in… Something. Oh, the Twilight movies. Cool. I have to say, they played the New Moon trailer before Zombieland (Have you seen it!?) and it was excellent. If I didn’t know it was a teen movie about monsters’ feelings, I would be totally psyched for opening night.

Picksplosion’em
Last Week: 8-6
Overall: 39-37
Comments: I’m over .500! WoOt!

CINCINNATI (-4.5) over Houston
The Bengals are a tipped ball away from being undefeated and the Oilers(?) are a tipped ball away from… they stink.

New York Giants (+3.5) over NEW ORLEANS
I really want to take the Saints, but until somebody beats the Giants, you have to take them. Besides, Eli has sweet-ass cowboy boots now.

Detroit (+11.5) over GREEN BAY
My brother is doing job training in Detroit for a month. He’s staying downtown and says that it’s a ghost town. He told me that he and his friends walk across a 6-lane highway everyday for lunch. And they don’t have to look before they cross.

PITTSBURGH (-13.5) over Cleveland
If you’re missing Spencer096 in the comments, its because he gave someone a dirty look in LeBron’s favorite pizza place last week. He’s since been forcibly removed from the city.

Kansas City (+6.5) over WASHINGTON
OK, time for my Matt Cassel story – Did I ever tell you about the time Cassel took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally Cassel takes me to a vacant lot and says, ‘Here we are.’ We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Cassel yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found em!

TAMPA BAY (+3.5) over Carolina
CRIPPLE FIGHT! I can’t belive the Marlins are letting Josh Johnson eff around across the state. Interesting note: I know nothing about the geography of Florida.

JACKSONVILLE (-10.5) over St. Louis
Yikes. The Jags showed actual life last week and the Rams are certifiably horrible. That being said, you just never know if Mike Sims-Walker goes out for ass the night before the game or has his bottom bitch spend the night. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Baltimore (+3.5) over MINNESOTA
If Ray Lewis were to kill Brett Favre, I think we could all look the other way. Again.

Philadelphia (-14.5) over OAKLAND
What strange tastes America once had.

SEATTLE (-3.5) over Arizona
A battle for Pac-10 supremacy! If you don’t get my own personal meme, here’s the origin. Speaking of college football.. send tips this weekend to me and Hernia and TBL. We work as a team. A well-oiled machine. Our e-mails are over there on the sidebar or whatever its called.

NEW ENGLAND (+9.5) over Tennessee
With each game the Titans lose, the next game becomes that much more must-win. That being said, I don’t know if the Pats can beat Rihanna by 10.

NEW YORK JETS (-10.5) over Buffalo
If there was ever a time for Trent Edwards to impersonate a professional quarterback, that time is Sunday. Do it for America, Trent. You do like America, don’t you?

ATLANTA (-3.5) over Chicago
This game is nothing more than viral marketing and the Bears aren’t the team with a reality television deal.

Denver (+4.5) over SAN DIEGO
Josh McGenius! Get it? He’s from the Belichick coaching tree and he seems smart. Seriously though, will someone just break LaDainian Tomlinson’s knee? Please? Let me drop him. Please. I don’t care.  I’m something like a combined 12-73 in fantasy football this season. The one thing that bugs me is the LDT pick in one league. Someone push him down a flight of stairs or 5. Thank you.