Didn’t think deranged Elijah Dukes could top the epic, expletive-laced voicemail he left his estranged wife? Think again, simpleton. Two outstanding nuggets regarding the Devil Rays’ troubled outfielder emerged overnight, and you’ll love him even more for them (maybe):

* He allegedly got a 17-year-old pregnant, and when she told him about it, he threw Gatorade in her face.

The girl, who expects to give birth around Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy.

“Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me,” she told investigators.

* Dukes should have reality cameras following him around on a daily basis if he’s telling kids ‘we just kicked your daddies ass’.

And there’s another more outrageous story going around about how one young Devil Ray peeked his head into the Twins’ family room at the Metrodome after a recent victory at Minnesota and shouted into a room full of kids. “We just kicked your daddies’ [ass].”

If the Washington Nationals really want him, they quickly will become one of our favorite teams.

Elijah Dukes Just Kicked Your Daddie’s [Ass] (On the Show)
Report: Dukes got 17-year-old Pregnant (Sports by Brooks)
Former foster teen says she is carrying Dukes’ baby (St. Pete Times)