We’ve Snagged the Itinerary for this Week’s NFL Symposium
Uncategorized June 25th. 2007, 3:29pm
Over the next four days, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida will be inundated with 255 large men brimming with glee and bloated bank accounts. They will cram their cabooses into chairs and listen to the tales of how to deal with fame, fortune, and perhaps even a gay teammate. Some of the classes won’t be all that different from the business courses these men skipped in college.
It’s time for the NFL Rookie Symposium. This is what will happen:
* Reggie Bush will talk about how to bag Kim Kardashian and party at the Playboy Mansion.
* Mr. Irrelevant will fall asleep because he’s been partying so hard.
* Brady Quinn (and surely others) will take notes when Esera Tuaolo speaks.
* Tank Johnson will make a guest appearance and talk about what life in jail was like.
* Donald Evans will show up, nobody will know who he is, and then he’ll lift his shirt and show where he was tasered by cops over the weekend after he vomited in a cab and took a swing at a cop. Then everyone will nod.
* Pacman Jones will show up – flanked by two State troopers – and talk about haircut etiquette. Of course he won’t. He’ll walk in the door with a duffle bag over his shoulder, plop it down, ask Roger Goodell to ‘hit it!’ and then he’ll start making it rain. Brady Quinn will take his shirt off, Koolaid Maroney will jump out of a closet and it’ll be on.
This leopard hasn’t changed spots (Chicago Tribune)
9 Responses to “We’ve Snagged the Itinerary for this Week’s NFL Symposium”
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June 25th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Brett Favre will also show up to give his patented “I was here before you and I’ll still be here long after you ladies retire” speech. He will then cry and pick up a baseball with his bare feet.
June 25th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Chris Henry is going to lecture the group on the proper way to wear your game jersey while brandishing a handgun. he will then publicly declare the he is actually an alien in a womens body.
June 25th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Waiting for the cause of death on Beck to emerge. Was it a suicide?
June 25th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
The very vague Arizona report says they will not say what happend in detail until his two kids are returned from summer camp.
June 25th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Didn’t Donald Evans once play for the Steelers?
Wrong Evans, and not Lee Evans either. Nor Dwight.
June 25th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Its Fred Evens…and next on the interary will be Jared Allen and Leonard Little on how to put somebody elses life at risk.
June 25th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Mario Williams on how to make it to practice on time if you’re running late.
June 25th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Shawne Merriman will show up to give a brief discussion on how to get your haircut to look like the poster from the 70’s on the barbershop wall next to the Jet ‘Beauty of the Week’ shrine.
June 26th, 2007 at 12:41 am
Mike Shanahan will come to explain what NOT to do in Denver.