pigsplosion11I don’t think I can top last week’s Pigsplosion, so I won’t try. I guess we could talk about how much Jay Cutler sucks, but that’s already been done to death. Quite frankly, I’m sick of talking about quarterbacks because lets face it – they all suck. It comes down to their lines and the skill players around them. Aaron Rogers, Ben Roethlisberger, Tom Brady, Matt Cassel, Dan Marino, Steve DeBerg – they’re all the same. They just have different bad hair cuts.

Bye Week – Texans, Giants
Finally, a week where we won’t miss any of the teams with a bye. Nah, I’m just kidding. I like the Texans.

Pigsplosion!

Oooh! Oh! A Fraud!
Aaron Rogers went 17-35 with 2 TDs and 3 picks. The Packers lost to the Bucs. I would have named Eli, but dude only let 8 throws hit the ground and didn’t turn the ball over. Aaron Rogers was sacked while I typed the last sentence.

Game Manager of the Week
12-19, 172 yards, 1 rushing TD, 0 turnovers. Vince Young, ladies and gentlemen! Protect the ball, get a few wins down the stretch and hopes should be be high for 2010.

Hot Chick
Oh, hi Abigail Clancy.

Movie Time!
Each Friday a new slew of shit opens at the box office. Starting today, I’ll be discussing one or more of those films in the Pigsplosion. Today, we talk The Box.

2012. This movie is straight up disaster porn. That being said, I’m sure its awesome. I’m not going to see it in theaters, but I’ll probably watch in on The Weather Channel in 2012. One question – Where do John Cusack and his friends go once they take off? If the world folds into itself and you don’t have a space ship, you might be fucked. Also, this movie takes place 26 months in the future. 1984 was written in 1949. The bar has been set. Do you hear me Roland Emmerich?

Go see Pirate Radio instead.

Picksplosion’em
Last Week: 5-8 (Still your fault)
Overall: 62-67

SAN FRAN (-3.5) over Chicago
The Bears suck. So does Chicago. /glares at Tampa, Diesel and Sportsgal. (I swear I wrote that before the game last night. Proof.)

Atlanta (-1.5) over CAROLINA
I’m just going to leave Jake Delhomme alone for the rest of the season. All quarterbacks suck.

MINNESOTA (-15.5) over Detroit
Jared Allen and Matt Stafford should be well acquainted by the end of the day.

Tampa Bay (+9.5) over MIAMI
You want to know the difference between you and Josh Freeman? Josh Freeman makes this look good.

NEW YORK JETS (-6.5) over Jacksonville
I don’t even want to check my cable guide because I’m terrified that this game will be my only early game.

Cincinnati (+6.5) over PITTSBURGH
Ben Roethlisberger uses RunPee.com all the time. That’s the subplot to watch out for Sunday.

New Orleans (-100 14.5) over Saint Louis
If these two teams met in the middle of the decade it would be an amazingly shitty clash.

Denver (-4.5) over WASHINGTON
So, the Broncos aren’t the best team in the league?

TENNESSEE (-6.5) over Buffalo
Vincanity! Did I mention the Jills will be in town this weekend? Who wants to meet me to ogle Buffalo’s finest?

Kansas City (+1.5) over OAKLAND
I still say the Pats should have traded Brady instead of Cassel.

ARIZONA (-9.5) over Seattle
Today is Friday the 13th? What’s up with that?

Dallas (-2.5) over GREEN BAY
This game fucking kills me. If I thought there was any chance Rogers doesn’t throw 2 picks and gets sacked 7 times, I would totally pick Green Bay.

SAN DIEGO (-2.5) over Philadelphia
I’ve mentioned how much I dislike LaDainian Tomlinson, right?

INDIANAPOLIS (-3.5) over New England
I’ve learned my lesson. Nobody bets against Peyton Manning in a night game and gets away with it. It doesn’t happen. It’s like sitting down to watch the game and betting you don’t watch the game.

Baltimore (-10.5) over CLEVELAND
Its amazing how much money the Browns saved by sitting Brady Quinn during a few loses. If LeBron doesn’t leave the economy might turn around and they could build a third building next summer.