Fridays with Artie Lange
Artie Lange's Football Picks November 15th. 2009, 7:00am
Artie Lange is one of our favorite comedians. He’s hilarious on the Howard Stern show, and even if you don’t have Sirius, then you’re probably familiar with his work on Letterman, Conan, Beer League, or, perhaps most famously, the Joe Buck Show. We spoke to him in August about an idea that would blend two of his great passions: Sports and picking games. So each Friday this season, he’ll pick three NFL locks.
Last week: 0-3 (mired in for 1-11 funk)
Season to date: 12-15
Oakland Raiders +1 vs. Kansas City. Because Jack Tatum used to play for them.
Detroit Lions +16.5 at Minnesota. Hey guys, I’m already winning 16 1/2 points to nothin’!
Washington Redskins +3.5 vs. Denver. Because I’m a fan of racist team names.
We’ll end this post with a line Norman Chad always applied to his picks column: These picks are for recreational purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager.
50 Responses to “Fridays with Artie Lange”
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November 15th, 2009 at 7:51 am
I’m sure Artie’s disappointment at being demoted to such a bad time slot will get him fired up, and really punching up the jokes.
November 15th, 2009 at 8:11 am
What the hell? Fridays? 8am? JOKES? This isn’t Artie. I’m convinced TBL writes these now.
November 15th, 2009 at 8:59 am
took me an hour to figure this out but i finally realized artie lange is on the bachelor. the movie is on fx right now
November 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Kill this.
November 15th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Poor, poor Cotto. Cement Mixerito really did take something out of him that he never got back. Shame, guy was going to be an all-timer. Oh well, Manny’s elite speed vs. Money Floyd’s defense should be an interesting matchup. Non-boxing fans will hate it, though.
November 15th, 2009 at 9:28 am
when do teams usually decide when a player on the injury list is going to play?
November 15th, 2009 at 9:31 am
LOL
November 15th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Depends on if they’re the home team or the away team. If they’re traveling, they usually rule guys out on Friday so they don’t have to travel and risk inflammation, etc. Once it’s gameday, teams usually give their inactives a couple hours before gametime, unless someone on the team leaks it to the media sooner than that.
November 15th, 2009 at 9:33 am
/Needs less Artie.
It’s 9:32 and Michigan still sucks. singsWe don’t give a damn for the whole state of Michiganends sings
//It’s Michigan week!
November 15th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I’m going to enjoy the Saints second bye week today.
/they play the Rams
November 15th, 2009 at 9:37 am
I think it fits on Sunday. We can talk about football. And at least he put a little effort in today. Go cowboys!
November 15th, 2009 at 9:40 am
gotta check in on something from last night. that ND fumble was a bad call, but it’s not like the refs took a score off the board. they were facing a 4th and 16 in ND territory, and their LT was getting worked.
November 15th, 2009 at 9:43 am
as TBL said last week re: the INT that was a bad call in the LSU/Bama game, it’s not like Notre Dame was going to march down the field and score, so why make a big deal about it.
Notre Dame was going to get 4th and 16 if they got the ball there. That’s it, one play, and Claussen had been sacked or nearly sacked on every other down of that series. They were done regardless.
November 15th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Silly people, they were robbed, its not charlies fault. Excuses are fun.
Jay Paterno working his magic as the QB coach once again. QB’s actually regress with every start they make, extended exposure to his coaching makes them worse.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:00 am
my favorite was the postgame interview. the refs “called a chop block”. like it was some ticky tack arbitrary call. it was an obvious penalty.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am
ill be the first to do it, because i’m an innovator like that, but Brandon Jennings is a top 5 PG in the league. He’s great.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Silly people, they were robbed, its not charlies fault. Excuses are fun.
this is why the banning of Jersey made no sense. If he weren’t banned for the rest of the stupid year he’d already be in here, screaming about injustices.
And i’d get to tease him. As it stands, it’s just a bunch of Notre Dame haters (meaning fans of quality college football) piling on.
By the way, Jersey, if you’re reading this. I still think the Jets can go 13-3. And they’re definitely beating the Patriots next week.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Hey Jersey if you’re reading this. Go fuck yourself you fucking loser. Who the fuck makes stupid bets like that? You and I both know ND sucks ass.
/not banned for the year
November 15th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Hey guys, let’s not pile on Jersey too much…I know I’d hate to be an irrational fan of a former dynasty that hasn’t been relevant in 20 years.
/checks for Duke’s last final 4
//phew, it’s only been 5 years, I can still be irrational
November 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I see like TBL was cleaning out his junk post drawer
November 15th, 2009 at 10:28 am
why did I like write that like my daughter would like, say it?
/stoopid
November 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Since you brought that one up….
The SEC call was part of a larger pattern. And there was still like 6 minutes left. And LSU scored a touchdown two drives earlier. And when they got the ball back, they were two scores down instead of one.
But with all that being said, screw Notre Dame. They beat Washington on a bad call. And it’s not like they lost a chance to win their division and possibly a BCS berth because of it. Not to mention we’re talking about a school that basically has to be pretty good to get a cheap BCS bid. Maybe that call evened the scales this year.
/thinks LSU probably wouldn’t have scored a TD
//it would have been nice to find out
November 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Notre Dame has returned to glory.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I tink illformula showed up last night and absolved Jersey of his bannin’. Which is awesome, because like dirt said, we can all give him tons of shit.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Oh my.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:39 am
I’m still sweating out my eventual banning when the Jets reach the Super Bowl.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Maybe I should do the “reverse banning”. If the Saints go 19-0, I’ll ban myself indefinitely.
Actually, I might give up sports, period, if that happens. Because it will never get any better.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Oh my.
you mean I shouldn’t wear my OJ jersey while I watch the Bills/Titans today?
November 15th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Ha speaking of banning, SouvenirCity banned mrejr from his site last night. He had a total meltdown on twitter. High comedy.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Shit, I’m watching The Leader (for some reason), and “Hammerin’ Hank” just took the Saints and the points.
/How you can be an “expert” when you’re 25-29?
November 15th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Nah, that one’s ok. All OJ did wsa commit armed robbery. It’s not like he killed anybody.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:45 am
illformula showed up last night and absolved Jersey of his bannin’.
two problems there. Jersey is proud and stubborn, and the Clown already set the gold standard. He sat out his entire self imposed bannin’. So if Jersey doesn’t, he looks like a dickweed.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Ha speaking of banning, SouvenirCity banned mrejr from his site last night. He had a total meltdown on twitter. High comedy.
i’ll go look. Maybe it can turn into a post over here. Where’s CRM? Iowa fan meltdown post.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:47 am
He’s a Notre Dame and Jets fan. He already looks like a dickweed.
/boom. roasted.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:47 am
it looks like SC’s blog is kinda broken.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Dirt, did he get drunk and delete his blog because Iowa lost?
November 15th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Nova mensagem!
/New post’d
November 15th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Dirt, did he get drunk and delete his blog because Iowa lost?
on one beer. He fried his server with his tears.
(since jersey’s not going to take the shame, SC is going to get it)
November 15th, 2009 at 10:52 am
“And why on earth is my tongue blue? #FML”
http://twitter.com/SouvenirCity/
November 15th, 2009 at 10:53 am
lol SC was acting like a bitch. Fuck Iowa. You cant let Mrejr get to you.
November 15th, 2009 at 10:53 am
you mean I shouldn’t wear my OJ jersey while I watch the Bills/Titans today?
Nah, that one’s ok. All OJ did wsa commit armed robbery. It’s not like he killed anybody.
/Darrell’d
//cause you knew I would add this’d
November 15th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Hernia lol. “O! M! G! the crowd is going nuts”
November 15th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Wow, he’s rough on employees.
November 15th, 2009 at 11:07 am
It’s funny for me to bounce from twitter to twitter, since I normally don’t follow.
Here’s a great one from Ty Duffy yesterday about USC:
It should now be fairly clear why Carroll threw a shitfit when Sanchez left
November 15th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Carruth is the reason people don’t trust english majors that play football.
November 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Wow, he’s rough on employees.
sounds like Ben Stern talking to a young Howie
November 15th, 2009 at 11:17 am
They are now the gold standard. http://www.amazon.com/New-Gold-Standard-Charlie-Notre/dp/1933060204/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258301658&sr=8-1
November 15th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I am feeling it today. The Rams have been listening to this. I feel the greatest upset since SuperBowl 36 is on the horizon.
People don’t trust English majors because they don’t have “jobs” because they lack “skills.”
November 15th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Oh, that’s rich. I might actually buy that, and send it to Jersey. Too funny.
November 15th, 2009 at 11:28 am
The fact ESPN published it makes it even better.