Penalties, where men are bewildered and broken. Real Salt Lake won the MLS Cup Final, edging the Galaxy 5-4 in penalties after a 1-1 draw.  David Beckham took his first penalty kick since his epic Euro 2004 miss, slotting it calmly into the net.  Normally solid Landon Donovan missed the net completely, for the first time in his MLS career.  Beckham’s MLS vindication and, perhaps, Landon Donovan’s farewell were spoiled.

Real Salt Lake were impressive.  They controlled midfield, particularly as the seemingly less fit Galaxy faded.  Kyle Beckerman was tireless and everywhere.  Robbie Findley was a constant threat with his speed.  Both should be candidates for inclusion in the U.S. National Team.

The Galaxy weren’t terrible.  The rigors of constant defense and counterattacking may have tired them.  Beckham and Donovan both had flashes of creativity.  They created chances, but, in areas of opportunity, their less talented teammates fumbled about like 15-year-old virgins.

MLS does tremendously cultivating local, dedicated fans.  The traveling support for RSL on a week’s notice was a pleasant surprise, but ethos alone cannot sell a league.  There’s an absence of ability on MLS fields, obvious even to those who don’t understand soccer.  To reel in the casual fan, the quality needs to be better.  That can’t happen without spending more money.

How do you show your face after that? Tottenham eviscerated Wigan Atheltic 9-1 at White Hart Lane.  Eight goals came during the second-half, including a record-tying five from Jermaine Defoe, who scored the second fastest hat trick in Premier League history (7 min).  Had Wigan tried to throw the game they would not have played this bad.  Expect the hangover and subsequent celebration to knock Spurs out until at least Christmas.  Wigan’s relegation might be a worthy bet at this juncture.  Though, the team has started to make amends.  They will refund fans’ tickets.

Elsewhere in England, Chelsea trounced Wolves 4-0 to keep their five-point lead.  Man U beat Everton 3-0 to keep pace.  Without Robin Van Persie, Arsenal lost 1-0 to Sunderland.  They are three points behind United with a game in hand.

Franco Would be Proud: Real Madrid held off Racing Santander 1-0 at home to take over top spot in La Liga, as a listing Barcelona drew 1-1 with Athletic Bilbao.  With Barca’s upcoming schedule, they could extend that advantage easily.  Barca play Inter Milan and Real Madrid at home this week, with Champions League continuation and the La Liga title potentially at stake.  Then they play four matches in 11 days at the beginning of December, including an away trip to Minsk.  They then travel to the United Arab Emirates for the Club World Cup, followed by a friendly with a Kuwati team.  That’s all before Christmas.

Not Quite Catenaccio: AC Milan finally exploded for four goals, but they needed to as their uncharacteristically shoddy defending allowed three against Cagliari.  Francesco Totti scored a hat-trick in the first half of Roma’s 3-1 win over Bari.  If he’s healthy he may head off Italy’s call up Cassano campaign.  The table stays largely the same as both Inter and Juventus won as well.

Scandal: European investigators uncovered a massive conspiracy to fix matches, involving more than 200 participants and affecting more than 200 matches in 2009.  Most matches were in Germany’s second division, or in smaller Eastern European countries.  Though, it’s believed three in the Champions League may have been thrown.  The initial estimate of $15 million in profit was described as “the tip of the iceberg.”

MLS Expansion: MLS is planning for 20 teams by 2012.  Commissioner Don Garber said that the preferred destination for the 19th team would be Montreal.  The option for the 20th team rests with David Beckham.  Though the Silverdome in Detroit is the definitive sexy option, the consensus is that brand Beckham is going to Miami or NYC.

Anti-Semitism: Egyptian star Amr Zaki will not join Portsmouth this summer, because they employ Israelis.  Pompey employ former Chelsea manager Avram Grant as Director of Football and field Israel defender Tal Ben Haim.  It’s unlikely that any English club will sign him given these revelations.  Virulent anti-Semitism is only tolerable in that country if you own a club.