Not only is Bill Simmons a writer and blogger and podcaster, but he’s also an SNL show-pitcher! A reader notified us that in the latest BS Report, Simmons decided to interview Seth Meyers from Saturday Night Live, and took the opportunity pitch a skit. Naturally, this idea involved the slamming of his latest obsession, comedian Dane Cook. The first dig is early – ‘you’re not one of those fakers, like Dane Cook, right?’ – in reference to who is and isn’t a Red Sox fan (Simmons of course, being the authority on such matters). If you skip to middle, you’ll find his can’t-miss skit.

We’re paraphrasing here:

“We’ve all seen these baseball playoff commercials where Dane Cook pretends to be such a big baseball fan, even though we’re not sure if he could pick Albert Pujols out of a police lineup … so this week’s host is shooting one of those the baseball commercials, except he keeps screwing up the names really badly (absolutely butchers Rivera, Papelbon, Pujols, Sabathia, etc). And the director has to keep interrupting him. And then it goes on for three minutes.”

Meyers has a heart and tells him it’s a great idea. Don’t know about you, but butchering last names for three minutes strikes us as absolutely hilarious! Why not just set up a pregnancy prevention class with the teacher being Travis Henry? And when the students raise their hands … they’re his kids! Then, one of the students is a hot Gabrielle Union, and Henry asks her if she wants to go for a quickie in the janitor’s closet … but when she asks him if he has protection, he says, ‘I don’t mess with rubbers baby.’ Ha!

BS Report (ESPN)