Hi. So Duke’s Jon Scheyer, a wiry shooting guard who was a really, really nice high school basketball player, is, unquestionably, an awful college basketball player. Defensively, he has somewhat quick hands, but he does not move his feet fast enough to prevent his opponent from getting to the basket. Offensively, after last night’s dreadful 1-for-10 shooting performance in a 65-64 overtime loss to Pittsburgh at Madison Square Garden, one cannot begin to imagine the thought process that Scheyer uses when he is in possession of the basketball. (For instance, when Duke had the ball down one with four seconds left, Scheyer was unaware of the clock situation, and dribbled the ball up court with his head down before jacking up an ill-advised 28-foot brick. Ballgame.) He has no handle, and thus everytime he attacks the basket, the result is either a turnover or a forced, errant, shot. For a guy who is the fourth leading scorer in Illinois high school basketball history, one would think, ‘hey, this guy can probably shoot the lights out!’ That person would be wrong. Please do not ever mention Scheyer’s name in the same sentence as JJ Redick. They are nothing alike. Redick could catch and shoot. Scheyer cannot. Redick could create his own shot - though he did not excel at this, and this is precisely why he is struggling in the NBA - and Scheyer is positively terrible at this.

Although we have zero basketball coaching experience (at any level), we do have two eyes, and it is clear to us that Coach K’s best lineup is: unsure freshman point guard Nolan Smith, shooting guard DeMarcus Nelson, small forward Gerald Henderson, power forward Kyle Singler, and timid center Lance Thomas, who really is a power forward. Don’t expect us to write about these choking dogs for a very, very long time. At least two weeks.