Kaz Matsui Will See Felix Pie’s Testicular Surgery, and Raise Him a Nasty Case of Anal Fissures
Baseball March 12th. 2008, 8:02am
If Felix Pie’s injury didn’t sufficiently gross you out, then perhaps this tale of Kaz Matsui of the Rockies Astros (the new Mr. October!) and his anal fissures will. If you’re wondering how the mainstream media covered this, here’s all the Houston Chronicle had: “Astros second baseman Kaz Matsui is expected to miss four or five days after being diagnosed with a condition known as anal fissure. Matsui, who returned to central Florida on Monday night, will go through individual workouts at the team facility but will not play until at least Friday. Doctors have prescribed a different medication to help alleviate the problem.”
When you read that, what’s the first thing you do? Google anal fissure? Or are anal fissures so common that everyone already knows what they are? Whatever you do, if you feel compelled to google hemorrhoids, be careful and don’t accidentally hit the IMAGES button. Vomiting will ensue.
Kaz Matsui Has Anal Fissures – Anal Fissures are Not Funny (Sports Wrap)
Photo: Icon Sports Media
19 Responses to “Kaz Matsui Will See Felix Pie’s Testicular Surgery, and Raise Him a Nasty Case of Anal Fissures”
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March 12th, 2008 at 8:05 am
what the hell are anal fissures? im not about to do a google with the word anal in it at work.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Alyssa Milano has no issues with anal.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:06 am
From wiki:
An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation.[1] The tear usually extends from the anal opening and located posteriorly in the midline. This location is probably because of the relatively unsupported nature of the anal wall in that location.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:07 am
TBL…thanks. for both the info and the vomit on my keyboard.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Lastings Milledge is trying to get his job back i see
March 12th, 2008 at 8:12 am
JVOMK
March 12th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Leave Miss Milano out of this…for those of us who are Met fans I am pretty certain he suffered from anal fissures the 2 and half seasons he played here too…I hope his asshole bleeds a little each day for the sucktitude he brought to Shea.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:30 am
In the article it says that one of the cause of anal fissures is anal sex.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:30 am
The Mets moved Reyes to 2B for this guy?
March 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Not trying to read about male anus skin at the start of the workday
March 12th, 2008 at 8:39 am
TBL, I was hoping I wouldn’t read the definition in the post, and after successfully navigating that, you had to add it here in the comments. Thanks a lot.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I see Irish is wisely avoiding this all together..
March 12th, 2008 at 8:45 am
what is that supposed to mean guiness
March 12th, 2008 at 8:49 am
that was nice
March 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am
He’s on the Astros now not the Rockies.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am
“Kaz Matsui of the Rockies”??
I really wish that were still true, but it isn’t.
/dejected Astros fan.
March 12th, 2008 at 9:00 am
geez. How could i forget the Astros gave him 16.5 mil?
fixed
March 12th, 2008 at 10:12 am
JVOMK is the new LMAO. Sorta.
March 12th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Irish, I meant that you would not want to be reading about anal fissures first thing in the morning is all..as most of you guys wouldn’t