As we may have mentioned in the Roundup once or twice (you do more than stare at the photo, right?), we’re expanding a bit here at TBL, and we’ll be adding some writers to the already-awesome stable of NHL overlord Lee Diekemper and the superstar tandem of Cousins of Ron Mexico and Patrick Imig. We’re always looking for obscure topics and original ideas, and Mark Chalifoux came up with one.

I hope the current political gongshow has piqued your interest enough to get you to vote in November’s election. If that’s not enough, allow me to deliver the remedy to your political apathy: Chuck Liddell will punch you in the freaking face if you don’t vote.

I wasn’t aware of how much the Ultimate Fighting Championship loved the political process until I was at a recent UFC event in Columbus. A fairly menacing commercial about the UFC’s voter registration drive ran on the big-screens approximately 73 times that night. It’s a 30-second spot that has a number of the bigger stars in the UFC looking generally agitated while muttering threatening phrases, such as “Do you want to be the one who gets knocked out? Choked out? Submitted? Do you want to be a loser? Then don’t vote.€

Then UFC czar Dana White pops up on the screen to inform everyone that they actually aren’t even in the game if they don’t vote, which surely comes as a shock to many people. The commercial ends by having every fighter yell “vote!” The Iceman even pokes a finger at the camera to accentuate his demand; much like a first-time father would when he wants to make sure his 2-year-old son understands that he can have NO! MORE! COOKIES!

The UFC thinks so highly of their fans that they thought the best possible way to drive home the importance of voting was to prey on the primal fear of getting your ass kicked. Maybe those behind the spot believed that if beat downs worked so well throughout history to keep people away from the polls then they could also be used to drive them out in droves.

Of course, UFC fans who see this commercial only have four logical reactions.

1. Wow, the UFC clearly doesn’t value my intelligence as a person. Frankly, I’m quite insulted, but it’s just a commercial, so I’ll let it slide. Surely this is meant for all the other buffoons here anyway.
2. Well, I wasn’t gonna vote in this hur politikal circus, but if its aight by the Iceman, I ’spose it kint hurt to vote.
3. Holy crap! If I don’t vote Chuck Liddell is really going to kick me in the face.
4. Dude, I vote like 20 times whenever Ryan Seacrest gives out the number (this is only applicable because there are a fair number of females at UFC events).

There’s only one word you can use to sum up this commercial: brilliant. It’s like Hulk Hogan’s “say your prayers and take your vitamins” shtick on steroids. The only problem is that the UFC isn’t mainstream enough for this to have any real effect. I think the sports world really needs to come together in order to create a commercial like this that will really resonate.

A few suggestions for the final cut.

Najeh Davenport: Do you want to be the one whose closet I defecate in?
Brett Favre: Do you want to be the one who makes me cry?
Jayson Williams (with shotgun over his shoulder): Do you want to be the one who drives my limo on show-and-tell day?
Dana Jacobson (while slurring her words): Do you want to be the one who makes me fuck Jesus?
Hulk Hogan: Do you want me to have sex with your daughter’s friends?
Mitch Albom: Do you want to be the one whose attendance I fabricate at this year’s final four?
Brian McNamee: Do you want to be the one whose ass I inject with steroids, leading ultimately to your humiliation and a congressional investigation?
Sean Salisbury: Do you want to be the one who has to look at the pictures on my cell phone?
Pacman Jones: Do you want to be the one who ends up paralyzed because of a freak accident that is the result of a string of actions loosely related to my throwing dollar bills around a strip-club?
Chris Berman: Do you want to be the one wearing leather?