Because he’s got to be finished in the NFL after yet another off-the-field incident that resulted in his arrest this morning. Enjoy the CFL, bud. Roger Goodell will NOT stand for a guy showing him up like this. (Nice mug shot!) What part of last-season’s 8-game suspension did you not understand, Chris?

Random Conspiracy Theory: Marvin Lewis heard about the arrest late Tuesday, and then called Chad Johnson to notify him of the situation. Lewis begged Johnson to return to the team (knowing another season without the playoffs would certainly cost him his job), and that’s why Ocho Cinco is eager to come back.

Funny: According to wikipedia, Chris Henry was majoring in “athletic coaching” at WVU before getting thrown off the football team and leaving school early for the NFL. Is that actually a major at WVU? And what could Henry possibly teach anyone as a coach? Oh. He might have been on a path to coach football teams in jail. Got it.