ESPN Solves It’s Geese Problem: Decoy Coyotes
ESPN, Fake Animals to Scare Real Animals April 4th. 2008, 1:03pm
ESPN’s Bristol campus is being overtaken by geese! The solution, conveyed to everyone in Bristol this morning via email (below) are decoy coyotes. (Seriously. That’s not a joke.) Because a Chris Berman scarecrow just wouldn’t do the trick.
In our ongoing effort to discourage geese from nesting on campus three decoy coyotes will be placed in areas near the ponds by the Ronzo Road Main Gate and at the Pavilion. For maximum effectiveness we will move the decoys to different locations from time to time. Please be aware that they will be visible from sidewalks and are quite life-like. This effort, along with the use of low fencing and strobe lights will continue as we attempt to move the geese to a safer environment.
Strobe lights? Decoy coyotes? Fierce geese? An ungodly amount of chain restaurants? Bristol’s totally the new Area 51.
37 Responses to “ESPN Solves It’s Geese Problem: Decoy Coyotes”
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April 4th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
So will Stu Scott see 6 coyotes?
April 4th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Wild Squadron on Discovery HD(?) was a dope show. This South African Air force used two Cheetahs to help keep the runways clear for their jets to land. That is being proactive.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Mags…youll get a kick out of this
April 4th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Just let Bobby Knight take care of the geese problem. He is an avid hunter
April 4th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
That is funny as hell spencer
April 4th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I think the first TBL meeting should be at a restaurant in Bristol. Five guys?
Afterward, we can all try to jump the fence – drunk, of course – on the bristol campus.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Will ACME make special deliveries to these coyotes with geese traps?
April 4th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
try to jump the fence? HAH. id like to see those rent-a-cops TRY and stop my drunk ass from putting berman in a triangle choke.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
@spencer
A “whos population is more fat?” debate between Ohio and Michigan is like a “whos the biggest bust?” debate between M. Leinart and R. Bush. We both have our fair share, and by fair share I mean a good 80% are hogs unless you are on a college campus or on the beach.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
TBL, you forgot to mention that we will be getting drunk at TGI Fridays
April 4th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Mags…dude, Ohio and Mich aren’t even in the top 5. Illinois, Wisconsin, Texas, Oklahoma, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia and Florida all embarass us, tho we’re definitely up there.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I want to put Digger Phelps in the gogoplata
April 4th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
ESPN really needs to mention this on air. Seriously. It’s that funny.
Attack of the killer Geese! Personally, I’d like to see the fake coyotes and the strobe light, too. There’s an ESPN commercial in here somewhere …
April 4th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
on a serious note: pointers will get the job done and they won’t scare the chicks.
of course, if they let new employee bob knight bring his shotgun that would help prune the population (both geese and on-air nimrods).
April 4th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Attack of the killer Geese!
Oh, wouldn’t we all love to see Charlie Steiner in face paint again.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
howabout floyd mayweather chasing around a goose with his boxing gloves on with ‘eye of the tiger’ in the background?
April 4th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
How about Dana Jacobsen standing outside at 3am shouting “Fuck you geese” “get the fuck out of here”
April 4th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
ESPN really needs to mention this on air.
TBL, ESPN probably has half a dozen producers hard at work now trying to find a way to tie this in to Brett Favre, Chad Johnson, or Roger Clemens.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
i read somewhere that Matthew Berry likes the fake coyotes as big sleepers this season…
April 4th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Um…I think the obvious ESPN commercial here involves Bob Knight (now an ESPN employee) hunting the geese.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
i thought gonzo had the best line until i ran across this one. solid work!
April 4th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
JWM- +1
April 4th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
IUgrad – Only if she’s chugging a bottle of Grey Goose at the same time.
On a serious note, geese are fucking disgusting. They shit everywhere. You get a gaggle of geese in a park and after 15 minutes it looks like a freaking barnyard. On a sidewalk? Slick shit.
However, how ESPN is going to move them to a safer environment is laughable. Even if they caught the damn winged rodents, they’d just fly right back.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I don’t even know what to say to this. My friend works for a place in town and they have 3 ponds that geese flock to all the time. They bought fake alligators and put in the ponds. I mean really. It’s missouri. surely a goose has to be smart enough to know there shouldn’t be an alligator in a pond in Missouri right? But it works.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
@ Gonzo – “Follow me! Follow me to freedom!!”
April 4th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
how bout releasing a real coyote on the campus…
April 4th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
JWM, that’s not an option. There aren’t any ACME retailers in the Northeast.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
If they are Canadian Geese, they are protected under Federal Law, and only specific DNR employees can remove them. I lived in an apt complex years ago, that was sued, because they killed the geese that was making a mess of the complex. Like KC said, shit everywhere, they are really a pain in the ass.
Bring on Dana Jacobsen.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I just Googled a Gaggle of Geese and my computer exploded.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
“how bout releasing a real coyote on the campus…”
Salisbury doesn’t work for them anymore.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@ KC Resident
*rim shot*
April 4th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
it might hump dana jacobson.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
how bout releasing a real coyote on the campus…
Dana Jacobson might hump the coyote.
/fixed
April 4th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
I wonder if Janet Jones is betting on these Coyotes?
April 4th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Have you ever walked around the pond with the strobe lights and fake coyotes ON WEED?
/Jon Stewart
April 4th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
LMAO!
April 4th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I bet this was suggested by Bobby Knight.