USA Today, the McPaper that rarely jumps stories – you know, because everyone’s in such a dammed hurry these days – devotes over 1,200 words to hot golfer Natalie Gulbis today in a fawning piece that makes sure to promote everything Gulbis is selling (her body, her swimsuit calendars, her reality show), while hardly talking about how she dated one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL (Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger) and how she’s yet to win squat in the LPGA.

And if you get bored of all the fawning, skip to the handy chart at the bottom of the article, where you’ll get a chuckle out of this:

Natalie Gulbis has played in 110 events as an LPGA member. Her best finish is a tie for third (last year, Michelob Ultra Open at Kingsmill, Va., and State Farm Classic in Springfield, Ill.). These other LPGA greats also took a while to get their first win…

How can you write about Gulbis and not even mention Anna Kournikova? Nice blowjob, USA Today.

Victory would make for even prettier picture (USA Today)