Welcome back! For the second day in a row we’re going to join ESPN’s Jason Sobel’s Masters Live Blog, already in progress.

Yesterday’s experiment in meta was a rousing success as we were even acknowledged by Jason himself. (At 2:07pm) Hopefully, today’s live-blog will be even more exciting! If you followed along yesterday (Round 1 LBLB) you know that means more camera phones in the men’s room and of course, more of Ian Poulter’s undeniable sex appeal.

As usual you can e-mail any questions about the live blog to me at alumnigonzo@gmail.com. If you have any questions about the actual Masters you’d be better served e-mailing Sobel directly at mastersblog@gmail.com. Finally, if you have any questions about Melrose Place reruns e-mail The Big Lead. Now lets get to it!

8am – Posting:

I was still sleepy, but Jason Sobel was wide awake and blogging.

Yesterday, the final grouping finished in the gloaming (I’m now 1-for-2 using that word this week), meaning all 94 players will begin their second rounds today.

“Gloaming” joins “haiku” on the golf terms I don’t understand list. Whatever it means, I am happy to see Sobel is batting .500 with it.

Looks like we might avoid the t-storms until after the round today. (Though I have yet to see a very accurate weather forecast this week.)

Apparently they don’t have weather guys where Jason Sobel is from.

No fog blog this morning. I could have walked the 20 yards outside to the first fairway to see that Todd Hamilton and Brian Bateman had teed off already, but instead just asked an Augusta National official, who assured me that, “Balls are in the air.”

I’m going to need a confirmation text from the men’s room before believe that. And if you think I’m going to grow tired of referencing the nut jobs who spent hundreds of dollars to get into the Masters then risk getting tossed because they have to call someone, for some reason. This can’t wait. Can you imagine taking time off of work, spending hundreds of dollars on something and then getting tossed because they’re e-mailing Jason Sobel to tell him it’s “kind of foggy.” Idiots.

You know it’s going to be a good day — wait, no, a weird day — when you wake up in the morning with a few dozen limericks in the in-box.

I know Gonzo will be the first TBL commenter to send me some sort of joke with a rhyme scheme. I just know it.

And as we all know, wind is the greatest determining factor when it comes to scoring.

So that’s why I’ve never gotten lucky in Chicago.

I mentioned yesterday that the runner-up finisher at the Masters earns a silver salver … but I still have no idea what it is. I’m picturing some kind of sword. If that’s true, I’m hoping Heath Slocum comes in second; the salver would go well with his Tucson Open trophy. If anyone knows what it is — or has a picture — let me know. Then again, if it’s not a 4-foot-long sword, I don’t want to know.

I like to think of a silver salver with eagle’s wings, singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd and I’m in the front row hammered drunk.

First non-limerick e-mail of the day from Chris in Saratoga Springs, N.Y.:

    Did ESPN decide what you were wearing all four days of the Masters much like Nike did for Tiger? What happens if Tiger’s mother-in-law knits a hideous sweater for him and says that she thinks it would look very nice on him at the Masters? If this happens to you or me, we are obligated to wear it … how does Tiger deal with it? My guess is that he would send Stevie Williams to yell at her.

I know its a long shot, but I think I know Chris. If Chris in Saratoga has a large collection of sweaters that was once profiled in the newspaper, then I definitely know Chris. Again, it’s a long shot. It would be crazy though, right? Either way, stupid question, Chris – We’re all dumber for reading it. (E-mail me!

If you’re riding the Bateman Train into the weekend, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Sounds like Sobel spilled his first beer of the day and is reaching for an excuse.

[From an e-mailer, Brandon who is in the military] In other words, who do you believe has the ball-striking ability to stay strong over the weekend?

I was going to say, “Your mom,” but since Brandon is in the military he could probably locate me and harm me. Therefore we’re going to ignore that one.

The Mystery of the Silver Salver has been solved … and it’s not very exciting. I wonder how many times the runner-up finisher has used this thing as a caddie-flogger after getting a bad read on the 17th green.

Don’t flog your caddy, kids – you’ll get hairy knuckles.

E-mail from Matthew in Augusta:

    I respect what you’re doing, but as an Augusta native who has been coming here my whole life, I know the Masters is all about gorging yourself on tasty sandwiches. My buddy Chip says he is eating at least six today. What’s your record?

Obesity in America – A tradition unlike any other.

Greetings from my first restroom visit! You almost lost a spy today. The Pinkertons almost found my cell phone! Back to being a loyal spy today.

Seriously – You take your son to the Masters because you want to share a part of sports history with him. He has a couple 8 dollar colas, you take him into the bathroom and the line is all the way to the 19th green because the urinals are all occupied by guys holding cell phones near their junk sending text messages like the grandmother in those damn Cingular commercials.

Birdie for Trevor Immelman on No. 5 and he’s your solo leader. So far, there’s not a whole lot of moving and shaking on the leaderboard

The restrooms on the other hand…

11:09am: I just heard on the radio that Chinese Democracy is complete and ready for release. I shit you not.

1. If your poem needs a footnote, it’s doomed right from the start.

Jason Sobel is your professor for Masters English.

Sorry.

It wasn’t a 16, but Trevor Immelman just made par on No. 8 — a hole on which most players are carding birdies so far today. Ha!

Sobel’s a mean drunk.

The Masters Live Blog: Helping to get more people fired than … Enron? (Sorry, there’s probably a better punchline than that one.)

The Masters Live Blog Live Blog on the other hand is only responsible for my falsely inflated sense of self-worth.

11:50am: Actual e-mail from Jason Sobel:

“No LBLB today? What happened?”

The list of people who want this post to exist now reads, “Spencer096, irishmafia, Jason Sobel.”

E-mail from Lew in Strong Island*:

    Any chance that the stodgy powers-that-be at Augusta will conspire to prevent Bateman from winning the tourney?

I had no idea what he was talking about, but kept reading anyway …

    Some fourth-grade-level nicknames come to mind when you put “Masters” and “Bateman” together.

Yup, these are Jason Sobel’s readers.

*Urge to kill rising.

Maybe I was wrong. But if the wind does blow as predicted the next two days, you won’t see guys climbing the leaderboard like they are now.

With the majority of security tied up dealing with the bathroom/cell phone situation, people are now literally climbing on the leader board. It’s a shame.

Take that, Herbert Warren Wind!

Yeah! Take that…Herbert Warren Wind?

Three of the last five Masters champs have been lefties

Take that, majority of people!

[Tim] Clark is currently 8-over through 27 holes. I had the following conversation with him on Monday, as he sat on a bench near the player parking lot (all paraphrased):

Me: So, how you feeling?
Clark: Eh, not that great.
Me: Not the neck again, is it?
Clark: No, it’s the putter.

Jay Leno needs to hire Tim Clark’s writers.

At the end of 36 holes, the low 44 players (and ties) and all those within 10 shots of the lead make the cut. In recent years, it’s been a lot more than 44 players finish within 10 shots of the leader(s).

Dude, I think I just made the cut.

/Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back’d

ESPNEWS interview with Fred Hickman. Back in a few …

Nobody likes a name dropper.

12:22pm: As we discussed yesterday, “ESPNEWS interview” is code for Heineken. (I’m pretty sure Sobel has a watch that only says 5pm.) Also, I’m curious as to the “tasty sandwich” count as lunch nears.

12:30pm: Tasty sandwich time! Don’t worry – I’ll be back at 1 to resume our coverage of ESPN’s coverage of the Masters. (Right up until 5pm)

1:03pm: We’re back!

“In your first Masters, Bateman, you were playing well. Even looked like you could win the Masters, Bateman. But now you finished with a rough second round of the Masters, Bateman. But, hey, just come back tomorrow and maybe you can still get back on the leaderboard at the Masters, Bateman.”

Good for you, Jason.

Once again, TheBigLead.com is live-blogging my live-blog. And once again, I’m pointing it out.

This is sort of like noticing the guy at the next urinal is sneaking a peek, then reaching out and shaking his hand.

I would disagree with that metaphor, but it goes so well with the current Masters theme.

Breaking news into ESPN.com’s Masters headquarters: It’s sad, but true. Prayad Marksaeng has withdrawn from the Masters. Haven’t received official word on the reason yet, but it may have had something to do with him playing worse than everybody else. Just a hunch.

Real world equivalent – Inviting someone over to play Tiger Woods golf and they end up sucking badly so they leave before the tournament is over. It happens. I just hope Marksaeng forgot his beer when he stormed out.

So I guess my question is: Why make the change? I mean, he was hardly overweight to a point where it was unhealthy; he’s still an athlete. In any case, now he looks better and he’s playing well, so it’s the best of both worlds for Phil. Me? I’d keep eating a lot and winning green jackets.

Of course Sobel would choose to eat a lot. He’s in Augusta with all the tasty sandwiches after all.

Trevor Immelman birdies the 17th and regains sole possession of the lead at 7-under.

Does that mean if players try to join him on the leaderboard, that he’d just be contracting more parasites in Augusta? Yuck.

What happened while I was at lunch? IS this more golf lingo? That must be it.

/scribbles in notebook

“Contracting parasites = birdies”

/end scribbles in notebook

Brandt Snedeker hits his ball on 15 … it’s rolling toward the water … and it stays up! And now Snedeker is running down the fairway!

The band is out on the field!!

1:22pm: Here’s an e-mail TBL just received:

How come you guys take people’s blogs without their permission? I.e. your stealing of espn’s live blogging of the Masters

Learn to do some work on your own

L.S. Viney

Hey everybody! Come look at the idiot!

My initial reaction is to quote Flava Flav, “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooow.”

Mike in Denver notes the similarities between Prayad Marksaeng and Phil Mickelson. Namely, this one.

Jason Sobel had better be careful – if he keeps using links I can’t access from work I’m going to take stop stealing his blog.

Birdie at the final hole for Immelman, who’s now in the clubhouse at 8-under, following a pair of 68s. He’s done it in a very un-Zach-like way

I like to think I have an “un-Zach-like way” about me. I’m cocky like that.

    Did you see Calc rip his pants on the 12th green while trying to pull a ball marker out of his pocket? It was hilarious and now his pants are ripped on the right side.

I missed it, Aaron. But I want to see it. And you, as the producer of the Masters highlight for tonight’s SportsCenter, have the power to show this to the world. Make it happen.

A SportsCenter preview! 6pm can’t get here soon enough. I need to see this man’s exposed leg.

Gotta run for an ESPNEWS interview with Fred Hickman, which is really codespeak for … an ESPNEWS interview with Fred Hickman. Back in a few …

Uh-oh. The bosses in Bristol must be reading this. In which case… Yup. It’s totally and interview and not a way of saying Jason Sobel is drinking beer. Nope. Wouldn’t do that. No sir.

*awkward Lucille-Bluth-style wink*

E-mail from Tom in Rhode Island:

    Enough already! It’s either Fred Hickman or us. You need to make a choice.

OK, it’s you guys. I promise. It’s just that Fred asks such good questions. And he has his own TV show. But I swear — I won’t stray from the Live Blog for the rest of the day.

*awkward Lucille-Bluth-style wink* This guy is good.

2:08pm: For what it’s worth, I hear that Fred Hickman is the living end.

(Wow, that was pretty good. A Sergio reference and we didn’t even mention the seven different putters he’s used this year or how he likes to blame the Golf Gods for poor performances. I’m becoming so mature.)

What’s wrong with using seven different putters? It’s not like he can’t afford them. Right? Is Sergio Garcia in financial trouble?

2:29pm: Unless I missed something – there haven’t been many reports from the mens’ rooms this afternoon. Perhaps everyone is climbing the leader board?

Going through boxscores for the Masters (back to 1980), I don’t see any player at those levels in all three categories.

That couldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes. I often spend the afternoons sorting through old golf box scores.

Tiger Woods calls the par-4 first hole at Augusta National “the toughest opening hole in golf” and it shows on his career scorecard

It must be tough to fit a career scorecard in your pocket. Just sayin…

If you had the over on Live Blog errors, it’s coming dangerously close to payday.

The Live Blog Live Blog is headed towards a perfect game. As long as you don’t count “stealing blogs” as an error.

Quick DFL check:

• 92. Steve Lowery +12 (through seven holes)
• 93. Fuzzy Zoeller +14 (through 12 holes)
• 94. Gary Player +15 (through 10 holes) Locked up in a tight one!

I don’t remember what DFL stands for…. Whatever it stands for I’m guessing it means those guys are having a bad time. Hey – at least they haven’t left the course!

Sweet reverse blog jinx. Steve Lowery birdies the eighth to move up to 11-over.

Is the opposite of a jinx really a reverse jinx? Must Steve Lowery now remain silent until someone says his name? Or should everyone else remain silent until Steve Lowery says everyone else’s names? I’ll stop.

3:24pm: I need to borrow Jason Sobel’s watch because I really want it to be 5 o’clock. I’m tired/thirsty/hungover/thirsty all at once. The only cure? Tasty sandwiches and ESPNEWS interviews.

Birdie at the final hole for Paul Casey, who shoots a 69 to enter the weekend at 4-under. Meanwhile, Retief Goosen (in the same group) stumbles in with bogeys on two of his final five holes. He’s at 2-under.

Ha ha…he said Paul Casey.

Finally time for the big Singh vs. Singh match everyone has been asking baout. But first, the Hansen vs. Hansen undercard

First I was confused because I didn’t know there was a second Singh on tour…then I was confused because the only Hansen I can think of is Chris. Well, I guess that does make sense. If you’re going to catch a predator there are less obvious places to look besides the bathrooms of Augusta.

If he wins, he could pull off a reverse Chris Farley-type of deal. You know, “Little Guy in Fat Coat.”

With Sergio Garcia’s financial troubles (see above) do you think he’s living in a van down by the river?

OK, here’s where I make a promotional plea for the Live Blog. If I were you, I’d leave work early and watch the telecast in 25 minutes. I mean, c’mon, it’s Friday afternoon and it’s the Masters — like you needed more incentive? All I’m asking is that you turn on a computer and keep following the blog. It’s not too much to ask. I’m trying to earn enough traffic hits to win a silver salver on Sunday.

They give away silver salvers when a blogger has good traffic at ESPN? Best. Job. Ever. All Imig and I get for good weekends are Jason McIntyre Fat Heads. Needless to say you have to turn them sideways to go through doorways.

Power lip-out for Tiger Woods on the sixth hole as he makes bogey (wait, lemme double check … yes, it’s a bogey) to drop to 1-over, nine shots off the lead.

I know I haven’t said much about the actual tournament that’s going on (the Masters), but the idea of a late charge from a couple strokes down on Sunday by Tiger has me visibly excited.

There once was a golfer named Zoeller
A pudgy, cantankerous feller
Collard greens weren’t his dish
Shooting par, just a wish
DFL? Rather stellar

I don’t remember how this started, but please dear God…someone finish it – No more poetry slam!

In January, Ernie Els posted the following to his blog (everyone’s got one of these things now, huh?):

    “The biggest single goal that I have left in this game is to win the career Grand Slam — to win all four majors at least once — before I’m done. It’s important I do everything in my power to make that goal achievable.”

Yup, we’ve reached the breaking point. I don’t even know how to describe what I just did. An excerpt of a blog post of a blog post in an excerpt of a bl

What just happened? If by some chance Ernie Els should read that, his kids will grow up without a father figure.

I’d like to think he was hurrying to the locker room to fire up his laptop and put down all of his thoughts and feelings into the blog. But maybe not …

Seriously, if Els sees this, Sobel and I are going to end up being co-defendants in the trial of the century.

That’s what I always wanted. A “spooky” blog. Sounds like I should dress up like a pumpkin and blog about Halloween.

It’ll be plenty spooky when the ghost of Ernie Els makes his presence known in every keystroke. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure Sobel’s still going to be resting from this live blog in October. It would be interesting to see what costume-inspired limerick his mother could come up with though.

After a birdie on No. 8, Tiger Woods is now back to even-par for the tournament. One stat should really get your attention: While the field average for greens in regulation is 70 percent, Woods (who leads the PGA Tour in this category almost every single year) is at 65 percent (13-for-20).

This information didn’t come from the bathroom and doesn’t have anything to do with tasty sandwiches – I don’t care.

4:45pm: The office portion of this live-blog is over! If I don’t pass out on the drive home I’ll check in and see what wacky adventures Jason Sobel has gotten himself into while I was commuting. If I do pass out on the way home remember that I’ll be here all weekend (somehow doing less). I take requests: alumnigonzo@gmail.com.

5:20pm: I stopped off at the beer store, picked up some…uh…beer…and I’m back! Good commute. Let’s see if Sobel’s been up to anything.

“Hey, azaleas! You’re, um, really nice. And I think you’re pretty. Maybe I’ll see you this weekend. OK, bye.”

He started talking to flowers while I was driving home. It appears he’s reached the turn on the golf course of sanity.

Ian Poulter is in the clubhouse at 5-under after a second-round 69. That prompted this e-mail from Bill in Houston:

    I know he got an ace yesterday, but Poulter is 5-under on par-3 holes this week. Given this fact, and the photo yesterday, would you care to comment on his short game?

Um, no. But thanks for the offer.

No firewall is stopping me from looking at pictures of Ian Poulter now that I’m home. Heck, I might even flog the caddy. I mean, that one’s for you, Jason Sobel.

Spy report from our man on the course and in porta-potty:

    Would you believe this is my first restroom trip since noon? Woods gallery is full of celebrities. Had nice political chat with Tom Brokaw

…in the bathroom. (If there was ever a time to post this, this is it.)

5:48pm: I’m finally actually watching golf. I think this might take away some of my live blog live blogging credibility. I’ll let Sobel make that call.

    And on a related note: In what year will you be able to say you’ve spent a year of your life live-blogging from Augusta?

I will be 83 years old. And still making the same bad jokes and posting limericks. Deal with it.

6:13pm: On that note, I’m going to wrap this up. It was fun and I’ll be doing further coverage tomorrow. As I mentioned earlier, I like tips. Enjoy the back 9. Also, I have to again thank Jason Sobel for the linkage and for being a good sport about the utter ridiculousness of a live blog of a live blog. If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the 19th Hole doing numerous interviews with ESPNEWS. I hear the sandwiches are delicious….