PETA Approves of ESPN’s Geese Solution
ESPN, Fake Animals to Scare Real Animals April 17th. 2008, 1:15pm
Geese are noisy, tend to poop a lot, and are for the most part, nuisances. The folks in Bristol are so annoyed with the geese, that they have taken extreme measures to combat the war that is being waged between bird and human: fake coyotes. Peta’s reaction? Zesty cheer, a golf clap, and an award. Yes, really. Full press release after the jump.
Bristol, Conn. — For using only nonlethal methods—including deploying lifelike coyote decoys—to discourage large numbers of Canada geese who have descended on the grounds of its Bristol, Conn., headquarters, international sports media giant ESPN will receive PETA’s Compassionate Business Award.
When flocks of Canada geese recently decided to call ESPN’s campus home, the company didn’t panic and call in one of the “wildlife control” companies that rounds up and kills the birds. Instead, ESPN has placed three decoy coyotes—coyotes are natural enemies of geese—near the ponds by the main gate. For maximum effectiveness, the decoys will be moved to new positions periodically. The company is also using low fencing and strobe lights to deter the birds.
ESPN President George Bodenheimer will receive a framed award and a thank-you note signed by PETA staffers.
PETA points out that in addition to being cruel, catching and killing waterfowl is wholly ineffective in controlling their numbers. As long as conditions remain attractive to birds and food and water are plentiful, other birds will move in to fill the void left by those who are killed. PETA and other animal protection organizations, including Geesepeace, have had overwhelming success in humanely resolving clashes between human and goose populations in communities throughout the country.
“When it comes to an effective, compassionate approach to handling conflicts with wildlife, ESPN really knows the score,” says PETA Vice President Daphna Nachminovitch. “We commend ESPN for adopting nonlethal measures that will discourage geese from congregating in large numbers without doing them any harm.”
36 Responses to “PETA Approves of ESPN’s Geese Solution”
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April 17th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
So when I killed that geese with a golf ball…that wasnt award worthy?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
goose. Im not very intelligent
April 17th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
geese and their omnipresent shit can go fuck themselves.
i guess PETA didn’t like my idea of using Vick’s pitbulls to get rid of the geese on my property.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Since Canadian Geese are a protected species, I don’t see how ESPN could have hired someone to kill the geese. This shows how stupid PETA people are anyways.
My Sister came out of a steakhouse once and PETA people were putting red paint on the steakhouse sign and showing pictures of cows at a slaughter house.
/just remembered to order some more Omaha Steaks tonight
April 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Geesepeace? I bet those meetings are a blast to attend.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
So does that mean Pam Anderson will be in a sportscenter commercial now?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Oh Just shoot the Fuckers…PETA not the Geese.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Or you could just shoot them.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
i like the geese over the coyotes in a 7 games series…
April 17th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Geese return to the ESPN grounds like salmon returning to Capistrano.
(I once “accidently” killed a goose with a Taylor Made Burner LCG 5 iron/xs shaft. Great club selection by my caddy.)
April 17th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Morons. The natural enemy of Canadian Geese are Seagulls. At my summer cottage, there is a small outdoor speaker on the beach that sounds off a seagull chrip every ten or 20 minutes, and it is sufficient to keep the Geese away.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Geese are fowl bastards.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
“Around the Horn talking heads are noisy, tend to poop a lot, and are for the most part, nuisances.”
/fixed
April 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
now that’s a MAN’S shaft.
people actually want to save the geese? have they not walked through a grassy knoll that’s been covered in goose poop? i hate geese almost as much as the steelers.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
PETA doesn’t care about black geese.
/Same old schtick. Different day.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Golf clap.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
i guess PETA didn’t like my idea of using Vick’s pitbulls to get rid of the geese on my property.
Well, that’s not a good solution considering all the dogs are dead.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
You’re letting the terrorists win ESPN.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
@Gonzo: Pat Burrell is the slowest most awkward runner I’ve seen in awhile. Thrown out at home by a mile. Good bat though.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
The weird thing is the geese were brought in to scare away the Catholics that were protesting after the Dana Jacobson incident. Then the geese wouldn’t leave. Talk about your all time backfires.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
It’s assclowns like PETA that make me wonder what society could accomplish if they put their efforts toward worthwhile goals, instead of handing out a Goddamn award for not killing geese. I live in the mountains and there are squirrels everywhere, yet I haven’t killed one. Where the fuck is my award?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
benji, kind of like how the US Government brought in AIDS to get rid of blacks (or so I’ve been told), and now it won’t leave?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Hef, you have a great eye. You should be a scout or somethin.
haha yeah he always looks like he’s lugging a refrigerator on his back.
You got the MLB package out there? watching it at work?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Capture those fuckers and stick a feeding tube down their throats. Geese fois gras FTW.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Hef…give Travis Hafner a look sometime. some funny shit.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
jim…you have quite the refined palate.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Seems a bit barbaric, no? Black people have rights too.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Expect to hear from the Real-Live Coyotes Union, for this use of scab labor.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Damn Nick
What ever happened to the alka seltzer route?
April 17th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
@Gonzo, they posted a highlight on MLB gameday and I could’ve thrown him out from PHX.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I think that’s pigeons Irish.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Hef, the problem is, he should never have been sent home. only 1 out there. We haven’t had a good 3B coach since good ole Vuk.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I agree completely. We used to have a guy like that in PHX. I think he’s coaching in the California Penal League now.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Tree hugging hippies…
April 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Seagulls die from alka seltzer..I worked at one of the local theme parks here and as a train of tourists was passing behind one of the restaurants, a cook with a cleaver decapitated a seagull that was pissing him off…the look on their faces..priceless
April 17th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Why can’t they just have the ESPN interns run around chasing them with sticks?